About PIL in DC room

[ConfusedYetAgain]

I have somehow ended up caught in the middle of a disagreement and would be interested to hear who people think is unreasonable here.

SIL and BIL recently moved to a town about 1.5 hour drive from PIL. They have two young DC. Their house is 3 bed but both the DC rooms are very small, you’d struggle to comfortably fit a double bed in either.

PIL are planning to visit. SIL and BIL were intending to offer them a sofa bed in their dining room. PIL are angry with this and think they are being made unwelcome. They think they should be offered one of the DCs rooms and the DC should share or one sleep in parents room.

SIL doesn’t want to do this as in order to fit in a double air mattress for PIL they would have to move furniture (bed and shelving unit, possibly something else I can’t remember) out of the room. She thinks it would be disruptive to both DC as they would have to move furniture into one room, and the DC wake each other if they are in same room.

PIL also think that DC should learn that they have to give up their room for adults. SIL and BIL both say that’s fine but they are too young to understand that lesson at the moment so it’s just disruptive to the whole family. PIL think it’s about the principle that DC should accommodate adults so the DCs age isn’t important.

I tend to think PIL are unreasonable as the sofa bed would be equally comfortable as an air mattress, and they can have privacy in the dining room as much as in a bedroom. But on the other hand, I do get that guests would rather have a bedroom than just a sofa bed that needs to be cleared away during the day.

So, who is unreasonable?

I w

This is going to split the crowd!

1 - take what you're offered or sleep elsewhere

2 - the guest is king

FWIW I don't give up my room, ever. And I don't expect my daughter to either.

Oh I’d never give my bed for someone - not even my own parents. If it was just a matter of inflating a mattress I’d do that, but I wouldn’t be hauling furniture around.

Also its an hour and a half - why are they staying? That’s my commute to work!

I would have put a double bed in one of the kids bedrooms from the very start knowing that PIL would have somewhere to stay when they visit. However if both rooms can't fit a single, I would give up my own bedroom for PIL. But I wouldn't expect that from others

1.5 hours away? That a doable day trip. It’s eother that or they accept the sofa bed. Of course they are more than welcome to book accommodation, in which they source
And pay for

Has your BIL & SIL got a garden if they have put a tent up for the PIL and tell them to like it or lump it,what horrible people.

I wouldn't give up my own room for anyone, i can't stand the thought of someone else, whose habits i have no control over, sleeping in my bed.
As such, i wouldn't make someone else give up their bed either.
Sofa bed for the PIL's all the way.

oh ffs they might privately think it but what kind of people would actually complain? We would give up our bed for the PIL and sleep on the sofa bed but knowing them they would probably insist on sofabed.

PiL need to get over themselves

The PILS are being unreasonable. My parents visit mine and my siblings homes at different times.

One sibling can only accommodate them in the second reception room and they never complain.

I don't think anyone should give their bedroom up.

I also think 1.5 hours away is near enough to drive home. Living in London it can take that time from to visit easily.

BIL & SIL should sleep on sofa bed and give PIL their bed. BIL & SIL are selfish and inhospitable and unreasonable for not having even thought of this in the first place.

PIL are unreasonable for making an issue out of this and for the slightly nasty attitude towards the children but IMO are being less unreasonable than the unhostlike hosts.

Mmmm so on balance it seems like PIL are unreasonable.

The thing about principles over practicality hits the nail on the head. The more I hear both sides complain about this the more it seems like PIL see it as SIL and BIL treating their children as more important than PIL, rather than it just being impractical to move things around to offer the DCs bedroom.

I did laugh at the idea of offering them a tent in the garden though! I may suggest that to SIL just to give her a laugh!

PIL are being unreasonable. Who honestly wants to move furniture around to accommodate them?

I'd tell them the rooms are too small and you felt that the room you are offering them would be more comfortable. Kids don't need to learn 'they should give up their space to adults' that's just totally meaningless.

Maybe the children will want to play noisily in their bedrooms the next morning, especially if they are excited that their grandparents are there

The PIL are being very very rude. It’s awful entitled behaviour isnt it.
You don’t go to somebody’s house and tell THEM where you want to sleep!
It’s outrageous that the PIL think that the children should be MADE to give up their room because an adult wants to stay in it! Why should they?? Why should they have the change of routine and disruption?? What is it with people of a certain age? The selfishness is without bounds - sod the disruption to the grandchildren and the fact that you have to move furniture around WE want to sleep WHERE WE WANT TO, even though it’s not our house we will still dictate to you.

Personally I would tell my parents ( or get my DH to tell his) that it is a bed in the dining room or an hotel.

Hedda, seriously it’s selfish and inhospitable not to give up your own bed for guests? I can’t imagine expecting someone to give up their own bed for me to sleep in as a guest, especially if there’s an alternative available.

How old are the dc? If they are still waking up in the night, I would not be giving up my bed or moving the dc.

An hour and a half drive, I'd just go for the day. That was Dh's commute for 25 years. The PIL's are being unreasonable.

Why not just visit for the day? Our inlaws live 1.5 hours away and we just do it in the day. It's not far.

This might be a generational thing. I remember DF and DM going to visit my cousin in the USA and complaining that the DCs rooms were a lot bigger than the guest room.

But yes much more important that Dcs sleep and wouldn’t want to mess that up. Don’t know what the solution is .

The PIL are being unreasonable. They can stay in a hotel then.

I would give them a list of local hotels/B&Bs. Or suggest they come for a day trip.

I would always offer my bed for parents and aunts and uncles etc. Used to work well for me when my parents stayed as dc went into them in the morning and I would have a lie in!

For friends though I would put them in dc rooms and then dc would come in with us.

I'd offer to put the kids on the sofa bed and the PIL can have the separate kids' beds, if it's so important to them. Certainly wouldn't be moving any furniture about though.