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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you had your children?

114 replies

MrsMac12 · 12/05/2018 20:04

Me and dh have been together 4 years and got married 3 weeks ago and have just returned from our honeymoon, we are both 28 turning 29 in September (Within the same week). Anyway he has suggested that we should start trying for a baby straight away and is obsessed with having one before he’s 30 whereas I was thinking of waiting until I was 30 at least.
I don’t know if this has anything to do with it but his mum had him at 21 and my mum had me at 44. I like the idea of doing everything I want to before we have kids (travelling, holidays, just being married). I spoke to his mum and she said she had planned to do things after having her children and them leaving but by the time she got to 50 she couldn’t be bothered anymore and didn’t have the money to do it, my mum on the other hand told me she really lived before having me and my brother, her and my dad had nearly paid off their mortgage by the time they had us and are now happily retired. I’m not trying to base it off either of their experiences and I know everyone Is different.
Just looking for some experiences and opinions?

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 12/05/2018 20:39

31 with dd1. I had similar shit from MIL about your twenties being the best time and she wittered on about babies for years and nearly drove me spare. It's utter nonsense because it's individual and even physically early 30s aren't higher risk particularly.

You need to decide with dh a sensible age. Ultimately leaving it till 44 seems a risky strategy if you actually want dc.....

ByTheSea · 12/05/2018 20:41

35 and 38.

helpfulperson · 12/05/2018 20:41

All ages have pluses and minuses but looking round the office the most successful women are the ones who spent their 20's have children and then started building careers after the children went to secondary school

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 12/05/2018 20:43

30 and 33 while DH was 33 and 36. It felt right for me but I was pretty much the first of my friends to have a baby!

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 12/05/2018 20:44

37, 42 and 44. I was ready, settled and financially comfortable.

Teateaandmoretea · 12/05/2018 20:45

All ages have pluses and minuses but looking round the office the most successful women are the ones who spent their 20's have children and then started building careers after the children went to secondary school

I can't think of anyone in my office this applies to......

GoJohnnyGoGoGoGo · 12/05/2018 20:47

28 & 31.
We've been together since we were 16
Married at 25

Fruitcorner123 · 12/05/2018 20:50

27,29 and 34. I won't lie pregnancy at 34 much harder the pregnancy at 27.

Your mum was very lucky to have a natural pregnancy at 44 without complications (i assume)

I would consider how many you want to have and assume a decent gap as you don't always conceive straight away! I would personally plan to fit them all in by mid/late 30s (read up on downsyndrome risks in older pregnancies) waiting a year or two won't do any harm if you only want one or two kids though.

Also if your DH hates his job maybe he should sort that out first. You are unlikely to be in a position for him to take a drop in income to follow his career dreams with young children, now's the time to do that!

Beaverhurdle · 12/05/2018 20:53

25, might have another soon but def feeling older and tireder about it all! Dont think i want to leave it past 35

Twingo78 · 12/05/2018 20:57

34 and 36. I was very lucky and conceived easily both times and had good pregnancies.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 12/05/2018 20:57

28
A "young" mum round here Grin

Ginnotginger · 12/05/2018 20:57

25 - contraception failure, I thought 30 was about the right age. I met my exh at 15, we married when I was 23 and he was 25, split up by the time dd was 6 months old. Met dh when I was 29 and we married when I was 38 thought about ttc but dd hated the idea and as the relationship between dh and dd was rocky at times we decided not to try and by the time I got to 40 that was it, no way did I want to start again.

MaryShelley1818 · 12/05/2018 21:00

Just had pfb 5mth old DS at age 39 (I’m now 40) Hopefully there will be a sibling for him next year but if not I know how lucky we are to have him.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 12/05/2018 21:00

I was 20, 26, 28 and 29. Sterile now so no more.

Cockmagic · 12/05/2018 21:01

18, I was far too young , wish I waited until now (28)

Kim82 · 12/05/2018 21:02

I had mine at age 19, 22, 25 and 32. All four pregnancies were pretty easy, as were the births. I find I have more patience now that I’m older but had more energy when I was younger so it’s all swings and roundabouts.

rosy71 · 12/05/2018 21:03

33 and 36.

Treaclepie19 · 12/05/2018 21:03

25, it was the right decision for us :)

Lostmymarbles1985 · 12/05/2018 21:08

24, 26, 28 and 31
Depends on your dreams and plans really. I've never had any desire to travel. Would rather a nice holiday when we can afford it and take the kids with us. I wasn't career minded really, just wanted to be a mum and am extremely lucky to have my wish and my husband was happy to go along with having kids. If I'd have met him sooner I would have loved to start sooner.
Depends on what you want. No ideal age.

RoadrunnerMeepMeep · 12/05/2018 21:12

26 and 27. I would have waited but dp had children from previous relationship so our relationship has always been very child focused, no spontaneous holidays etc. I didn’t want his children growing older and us gaining more freedom to then loose it again. I’m glad we made that choice, however I do believe I would have made a better parent if I’d been more settled career wise and had more time free time with just myself and dp.

ManicPixieDream · 12/05/2018 21:14

Exactly the same ages as @chelseajunior so same age gap between kids (24 & 32). Lost one in between.

Haudyerwheesht · 12/05/2018 21:15

Met dh af 19 and he was 22. We had our first when I was 25 and second when I was 29. Youngest is 7 now. Wouldn’t change it tbh. Didn’t really see many of my friends doing all the amazing things in their 20s that people plan on doing - sure they might’ve went out drinking more and had a few more luxury holidays but now we’re mid 30s and I’m getting back to having time to myself and with DH and they’re dealing with babies and toddlers. I wouldn’t swap it but it’s entirely up to individuals - obviously waiting a while is what my friends preferred. Incidentally both dh and I had ‘older’ parents and we both really really hated it.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 12/05/2018 21:22

I was 31, DH was 34, we’d been married just over a year. To be honest I would have liked to have had more time for holidays and living a bit before we had DC, but I only think that now. I was the one super keen on having children as soon as we were married. It’s only now we have one and i realise the work involved that I think that! Though I do think if we were younger I might have more energy! There’s no real right or wrong, and you never know if you’ll get pregnant straight away. Personally I think it very important that it’s something to both want. Children are really hard and you don’t want resentment to be in the mix!

cadburyegg · 12/05/2018 21:22

27 and 30.

I didn’t do a lot of travelling or have lots of holidays beforehand because it’s never really appealed to me anyway. My job wasn’t an amazing one but I was promoted while pregnant the second time and about to be promoted again whilst on maternity leave. We were already home owners and upgraded to our forever home last year. For context, DC2 is 10 weeks old. I wouldn’t change anything, I do wish we could have more money but our kids never go without.

1234sam · 12/05/2018 21:26

20, 23, 28, 31 my littlest is 19 months but I love it. I had been married 2 years before I have my first. She was a surprise though. My mum had me sat 32 now she's loving life in her 50s still young and fit and can play with her grandchildren. Hopefully I'll be the same.
That's me though. I'd say definitely wait til your 100% ready.

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