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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you had your children?

114 replies

MrsMac12 · 12/05/2018 20:04

Me and dh have been together 4 years and got married 3 weeks ago and have just returned from our honeymoon, we are both 28 turning 29 in September (Within the same week). Anyway he has suggested that we should start trying for a baby straight away and is obsessed with having one before he’s 30 whereas I was thinking of waiting until I was 30 at least.
I don’t know if this has anything to do with it but his mum had him at 21 and my mum had me at 44. I like the idea of doing everything I want to before we have kids (travelling, holidays, just being married). I spoke to his mum and she said she had planned to do things after having her children and them leaving but by the time she got to 50 she couldn’t be bothered anymore and didn’t have the money to do it, my mum on the other hand told me she really lived before having me and my brother, her and my dad had nearly paid off their mortgage by the time they had us and are now happily retired. I’m not trying to base it off either of their experiences and I know everyone Is different.
Just looking for some experiences and opinions?

OP posts:
Fatted · 12/05/2018 20:19

I was 32 and 34 (was actually the day before my 35th birthday!). DH is 2 years younger than me. We got married when I was 29. We'd been together about 10 years before TTC.

Every one is different, so it's not as simple as saying so and so did it this way. I wasn't too keen until having kids until after we got married. We both decided to wait until we were in our 30's. I got my positive test with DS1 on DH's 30th birthday!

BirthdayKake · 12/05/2018 20:20

19, 21, 23 and 26

MetalMidget · 12/05/2018 20:20

36, same age as my mom had me. Was trying for two years previously though.

I don't think for us having a child earlier would have been good - it took a while for our careers to hit their stride so that we could be financially comfortable, and for me to get in a decent company that wouldn't trash my career once motherhood hit. We'd been together nearly ten years before spawning, so had lots of fun couple time before the great adventure of parenthood. :)

I think I would have resented having a child earlier, tbh.

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 12/05/2018 20:20

28, 29 and 31. They are now 3, 2 and 7 weeks. I feel like it was the right age for me, you need to know you are ready. Dont be pressured into having a baby before you are ready, you are the one that does the initial hard work!

Original poster
MrsMac12 · 12/05/2018 20:21

storm - we did talk about it and agreed to have them after 30 as we were both doing well at work and earning a good wage but dh has recently changed his job and doesn’t like it so he thinks now would be a good time to have a baby, he’s also freaked out at turing 30 and thinks he’s going to turn into an old man.
I know 50 isn’t old and mil could still do things and go places but I kind of see what she means and she doesn’t have the money to as she is still living in a rented house which there is nothing wrong with but she can’t get out of it because she didn’t work for 20 years and is now only working part tim in Tesco.

OP posts:
Clayhead · 12/05/2018 20:21

27 & 28

Love life in my mid forties, mortgage paid off and travelling loads with the dc.

MynameisJune · 12/05/2018 20:21

I was 31 and DH 34, we’ve been together since I was 18 so we had travelled, had adventures, moved house a couple of times and were in a good place financially.

I always said I wanted kids young but I know I wouldn’t be the Mum I am now if we had done. Plus we were very solid in our relationship, kids are hard work and exhausting. You need to be on the same page.

Lmj25 · 12/05/2018 20:22

17 & will be 22 when I have 2nd

SharkSave · 12/05/2018 20:22

28 (just) and 30.
I think though that it's more about doing the things you want to do first rather than age. We had some amazing holidays and weekends away. If we'd done that by 25 we probably would've tried then iyswim?

SprayingMonsters · 12/05/2018 20:22

I had my first child at age 21, 10 years later I have three children 🙂

Elementtree · 12/05/2018 20:25

27, 29 and 34.

thesockgap · 12/05/2018 20:25

I always planned when I was younger, that I would be a "young mum" and have all my kids in my 20s. This stemmed from having an older mother myself (in her 40s when she had me) and hating being different from my friends who all seemed to have young cool mums.
As it turned out, I was just turned 26 when I had my first, but he was the only one born while I was in my 20s! I had my second just after I turned 30, and my 3rd at almost 33. So, not exactly old, but certainly not the particularly younger mum I'd hoped to be!

Storm4star · 12/05/2018 20:26

In that case then, he is the unreasonable one. You had a life plan and now he wants to change it. Lol @him freaking out about turning 30 🤣🤣 he’s still a young man! My DS is nearly 30 and he himself admits he’s nowhere near ready to even think about kids! Looks like he needs to focus more on getting back into a job he likes rather than deflecting it onto wanting kids.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 12/05/2018 20:27

I'm 28 and I have just started ttc my partner is 25. We have been together 9 months and we are now living together we had a long convesation about it all before we started trying to make sure we where both on the same page and it was what we both wanted if he had said no let's wait then I would've gone with that.

CrazyTownBananaPants · 12/05/2018 20:28

25 (husband was 27) when we had Ds and couldn’t be happier. DS has autism and we wouldn’t be able to manage another so he will be an oniy child, but he’s perfect.

In our case our son motivated us to do all the things we were too unmotivated to do before we had him (retrained, bought house when pregnant, learned to drive)

However we’d been married 4 years by the time he was born and being parents was all we wanted. I’d been wanting to try for 2 years but DH wasn’t ready so we waited til he was then I got pregnant in the 1st month which neither of us expected - pregnancy wasn’t easy and the newborn sleep stage lasted 3 years for us (he’s only just started sleeping more than a couple of hours at a time) so I think if we hadn’t both been completely committed it would have been more difficult.

Justabadwife · 12/05/2018 20:28

I was 17 he was 21
Got together with DH when I was 16, dd arrived 18 months later.
We got married a year and a half ago.
We have been together just over 10 years.

AmyLou14 · 12/05/2018 20:29

I’m 30 and expecting my first, totally unplanned contraceptive failure. Been with partner for 8 years, due to get married in Sept but have had to cancel as due baby 2 weeks before wedding (booked my absolute dream in Italy). We had the same view wait till mid 30’s ish careers going really well ect. I will be honest and say that I feel like my life has been ruined by being pregnant, I’d only just secured a dream job but was seconded so due to sickness (HG) the I’ve lost the role. When we found out we had different reactions, my partner surprised but happy, me miserable and desperately hoping I feel better by the time the baby comes. Don’t do it unless your 100%

Cath2907 · 12/05/2018 20:29

32

Bridgeofpies · 12/05/2018 20:29

29, 32 and now DC 3 is due a month after my 35th birthday. DH is 3 years older than me.

Personally I’m happy we had them when we did. Yes there is still lots of travelling I want to do and my career has suffered but I did get quite a bit under my belt first and hopefully we won’t be too old and decrepit when they have grown up so we can still do some interesting things!

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 12/05/2018 20:30

First at 21, second at 23

Metoodear · 12/05/2018 20:32

The problem is you have no clue how long it will take took my auntie 8 years

If you definitely want a child get a move on I was 17 when I had my first so dd is 18 and tbh i found it fun

Much harder now I have things I want to do but can’t and I resent being mum now should have stopped at ds

lifechangesforever · 12/05/2018 20:33

We married when I was 25 and DH was 28 - we're having our first baby in July, he'll be about to go 33 and I'll be just 30 (she's due 3 days after my 30th!).

I've loved the past 5 years of it just being us and the dogs (despite being asked by everyone about when the babies were coming - so ignorant!) I wouldn't have wanted to do it any earlier. We've moved into a bigger house and done various bits of travelling but mainly have been working on our careers, which has put us in a good place for baby.

captainproton · 12/05/2018 20:34

I was 29, 31, and 33. Conceived first time every time. HOWEVER getting pregnant was the easy part. Each pregnancy got more knackering and I am now 35 and I know Having another baby will basically make me fit for the knackers yard. Don’t underestimate how exhausting having young children is. My DH is 50 now and he tells me having kids in his 40s was even more tiring than when he was in his 30s. If you are planning on having more than one please bear in mind you probably won’t have a week of unbroken sleep until the youngest is at least 3!

Makinglists · 12/05/2018 20:35

36 and 41. Ds2 would have been sooner but it wasnt to be (the implications of being older). Concieved without any medication help - just my eggs were a bit old. Dh were together 10 years and then married for 17. We like to take our time over things....😁

Kenworthington · 12/05/2018 20:37

23,27 and 29

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