MIL and my last name

[HurtyAtThirty]

I’ll try and keep this short and sweet.
I’ve been married for almost 7 years, I’ve got a busy career and I’ve always got the impression my MIL thinks I should be at home being the dutiful wife, examples of this would be declaring “it must be nice to have a home cooked meal for once” when we went over for dinner....because obviously my DH has to forage for food in the bins if I’m not there to prepare a meal from scratch of an evening.
So anyway my issue, my MIL constantly sends things addressed to me as Mrs ‘DH last name’, no problem except that’s not my name. When we got married I double barrelled my name, that’s the name on all my social media which she has access to so not sure why she seems to insist on calling me by the wrong name. This has been ongoing for 7 years! At first I joked with DH and asked him to tell her that wasn’t my name, we don’t have the type of relationship where I could address this to her face if I’m honest. Tomorrow if my birthday, card arrives addressed to the wrong name, DH makes a joke of it and I tell him I shan’t be opening it as it’s not addressed to me (petty I know but I’m pregnant and pissed off and I’m done playing nicely). DH told me to stop being so angry....red flag to a bull, I asked him how he would like it if my family addressed him by my maiden name!
Now despite me repeatedly saying can he please remind his mother that is not my name DH is now claiming he doesn’t think she’s aware she’s making a mistake.
AIBU to be pissed off he’s basically ignored my previous requests and hasn’t taken into consideration how it makes me feel to have my choice of name disregarded so easily (by both of them). And AIBU to make him tell his mother tomorrow when they speak that it isn’t my name and to stop sending things addressed as such (like I say not the kind of relationship where I can say something without being slated behind my back or it being taken the wrong way)

Sorry that turned into an essay!!!!!

Yes your dp should speak to his dm.

Yes him that if he doesn't you will buy you won't be any where near as politr about it.

YANBU. Your MIL sounds incredibly childish. Mine is the same. I didn't change my name when I married DH (he couldn't care less one way or the other) but she makes a big thing of it. Thing is it's at the stage now where she's the only one bothered. No one else cares and she's pretty much embarrassing herself now everytime she starts off again. Any written correspondence I have with her i obviously send in my own name. I know it pisses her off no end ; )
You're probably better off ignoring her OP. All she wants is a reaction and will be delighted with herself if she thinks she's wound you up.
Have a word with your DH though. He needs to realise that he should be standing up for you.
By the way my MIL lives five minutes away, so I hope you're not as unlucky

In your double-barrelled surname, is yours first and your dh's second, making it easier for her to treat yours as a kind of middle name? And did your dh also double-barrel his name and if so, does she use this when writing to him?

Similar issue here. Not even married and my DP Mum will address things to "The DP surname family" and completely ignores my surname being part of our DS name. I7 years and I can't see it ever changing. (DP has on several occasions directly asked her not to do this)
You are definitely NBU though. I hope it sinks in, also what racecardriver said!

Yeh ignore. She wants a reaction.

Yanbu! Will your child have both your names? Hope she's not a knob about that too if he/she does!

I didn't change my name and 17 years later I'm still not safe to be left to open the Christmas cards (time it's most obvious), most of my family and friends get it wrong. Fed up to the back teeth of it but have given up as also can't be asked with the "respect" argument my mother trots out.

My own mil is same and seems to think there is no point getting married if woman doesn't change name. rolled eyes fell out of head

I had to ask her specifically to use my actual name on post as I had issue obtaining a parcel at post office because of her addressing it in name that isn't mine and I'd no ID for.
Her solution was to ignore me and address all post including my birthday cards to MR DhfirstnameSurname
I no longer get birthday or Xmas cards from him for other(religious ie I'm not her religion) reasons so it's not in my face of mailbox anymore!!

So I'm of no help but I sympathize and it's shit.

*from Her

Mynmil was the same, i kept own name. Didn't tell.other family members as it was embarrassing to her 🤔
My dc have our namea double barrelled Nd age tried everything to not let us do this. Right down to,your children will grow confused and not know whp they are😣
Best thing i did was to twll her myself,politely but clearly this was my name, it also hwlped that i was able to hand back chwcks works £500.00 + tp explain to family members why they couldn't be cashed. If you dh wont tell her then juat do it youraelf x

You’ve got bigger fish to fry than your own name. Assuming you plan to give the baby both surnames (I hope you do) MIL is going to piss you off massively about that. You need to get DH on side now. He should really be able to talk to his mother about this stuff and ask her to respect your decisions (you individually and as a couple) about names and everything else for that matter.

I might be tempted to get your DPs and any siblings to do what you suggested. Write to him as Mr Maiden name.

I’m not ordinarily one for game playing but he seems to be failing to see your point.

Send the card back, "Not known at this address."

I can't believe that neither your dh or you have addressed this in 7 years.
Just tell her or tell dh he has one last chance to tell her, what a bloody wimp he sounds.
Send anything back as return to sender, or not known at this address.
also post her stuff to her maiden name.

OP - has your DP actually had the name conversation with his mother? I'm just wondering why she doesn't just address envelopes to you as you wish...... It seems..... well odd....... it's not difficult....

Dont send it back. She would live that!

PP is right. This will become a big issue with the baby if you decide to give him a name other than just DH's. This kind of shit really annoys me. My mother does it too a bit.

Please, please give the baby your surname.

Change your name back to your maiden name. And make sure that is your child's surname on the birth certificate.

Get your family to start addressing your husband by your second name. If you have any friends that are going on holidays, ask them to send you postcards addressed to Mr and Ms Thirty. Make sure you have them on display when she comes round.

I feel your pain. My DM is the only person who addresses things to my as Mrs HisInitials Hisname

Getting married was counted such an achievement in her day, even though it meant she had to resign from her job, SAHM for the rest of life. Sigh.

Change your name back to your maiden name by deed poll. Tell your H if names don't matter that much then he won't mind. I bet he'd have something to say then.

My in-laws used to send cards addressed to me just by my first name, because they didn't want to use my surname. They only started using my proper name after DH died.

My mother in law chooses to call me by a first name that isn't my name. She just said oh I don't call you ( my name) I'll call you (random name) instead