To not allow child to do activity that they want to do?

[SheepandPigs]

Child is 14, doesn't do anything much. I've asked if they want to join any clubs and it's always been a no, etc. very into computers and the library, not many friends at school as they don't particularly share the same interests.

Very into a particular video game, definitely is not obsessed and does get school work done, although can be on it for long periods, but doesn't struggle to come off it.

Other child has just started a couple of clubs - 1 instrument and 1 sport. Both worthwhile activities.

The child who doesn't do any activity has asked if they could do 1-1 coaching for the game. Apparently you can pay a high up person to help. Never heard anything so crazy in my life!! It's actually not that expensive but it doesn't seem like a healthy thing to encourage? Apparently according to them, it's "no different to having 1-1 piano lessons (like other DC)"

What do you think?

also neither me or the op are twats. you sound like one though.

Balet and football are different though - they are exercise as well as being hobbies.

Interesting point about music though....

If he wanted to learn to draw, paint, sculpt, or perhaps even write books, would you suport him?

He has a hobby he enjoys, that obviously has a social component and he'd like to get better at his hobby.

Just like other children. So if you support his sibings, why not him? Just because it's not something that was a hobby when we were young doesn't mean it isn't a valid hobby.

Learning to play an instrument has certain benefits for the brain and can also help with stress levels. Learning any new skill can enhance your brain's performance overall.

Whilst learning to "game" also has certain benefits for the brain, I'm not sure reducing stress is one of them (having heard my DH turn the air blue!!). And as it's something your son already does in abundance, I'm not sure how it would enhance his cognitive abilities further.

If ti was learning the coding behind the game, it could be worth a look into, otherwise you could always offer it as a Birthday/Christmas present rather than promoting it as a new skill.

Nope. I would never allow it. I had an ex who did nothing but play video games, honestly it's the worst don't help to encourage his isolation into fictional realities. I'd tell him no and he was to do a real activity or real skill. Playing video games is not a skill and with everyone I've ever met who plays frequently it has not benefited them in any way, in honesty it has turned them lazy from what I can see

Jordan - have you never met an amateur muso? They can be just as lazy, self-centred and obsessive as the stereotypical computer games nut.

Jordan - not to mention the huge help gaming has brought to some people with disabilities, e.g. ASD, communication disorders, social disorders.

Playing the piano is a skill. Playing a video game is not. Simple as that

don't help to encourage his isolation into fictional realities

So also stop him reading or watching movies

"If its going to teach them to code and programme then yes but I would want more result than just being able to get to level 37"

If playing the piano teaches them how to make and construct a piano then yes But I would want more result than just being given able to get to grade 6.

"Playing the piano is a skill. Playing a video game is not. Simple as that"

Of course! there is no team work, planning skills, fine motor skills, lateral thinking, concentration, determination or anything at all like that in computer games.

Being good at Piano takes
practice
Time
Money
Fine motor skills
Concentration
Determination
Ability to read music

All THE SAME FUCKING SKILLS

"Whilst learning to "game" also has certain benefits for the brain, I'm not sure reducing stress is one of them (having heard my DH turn the air blue!!)."

Oh yes, I'm sure no musician ever lost their temper ever when playing and learning an instrument....

The point of activities is to ENJOY life or what’s the bloody point.

"My concern would be that it is so specific. One particular game? What if a different game comes into fashion next month or next year? "

Jeepers, quick go out doors and start a marcy against football. QUICK NOW! There little kids out there playing football every break, lunch and after school, wear football kits at every given moment, trade football cards, are part of a football club, watch football, read about football, have football crockery...football bedrooms..... What if another new sport becomes fashionable????

But that’s the point isn’t it? Football is hugely culturally entrenched across the world and has been for a century. Everyone in the world knows what football is. Fortnite, not so much. I guess the question is to what extent the coaching is transferable. If it’s gaming strategies, possibly very. If it more about teaching tricks to do game specific things, not so much.

A relative of mine paid off all his Uni student loans and won about 50 grand in gaming. It's not always a waste of time playing these games!

don't help to encourage his isolation into fictional realities

It just struck me you said this on MN.. about as fictional a reality as it gets where most of our children have special needs and we've all got violent neighbours who don't know how to park

Football is hugely culturally entrenched across the world and has been for a century. Everyone in the world knows what football is.

Something is only worthwhile as a hobby if everyone else does it as well?

Eh, I would have the same reservations as Johnnycomelately. I have a sport and a deep love of computer games. The money my mother sank into sports coaching in my teens gave me skills that I still have today, and which have positive knock-on effects outside that sport.
Post-children, I went back to that sport and am enjoying myself as a rusty but experienced member, so again, those fees are paying dividends today.

If she'd sunk it into specialised coaching for my favoured computer game of the time, that wouldn't be happening, because I'm not going to go back to playing 90s-era or post-2000 games on an obsolete console.

The only one I would go back and play was a MMORPG for the PC, and the development company actually shut down the servers so now no-one can play it at all.

Something is only worthwhile as a hobby if everyone else does it as well?

Well, in both real life and online life, if you become really great at a team based game, and all your friends move on to a new game, it does leave you hanging.

This is a bit unlikely with football, but does happen with computer games.

I pay for my daughter to attend Minecraft club at school which sounds similar. It is a group lesson. I do it because she enjoys it and it is also a form of childcare. One to one lessons outside school I think I would probably not pay for, but I would encourage and pay for her to take classes in coding and / or game design if she wanted to. If she was really desperate to do it though to improve on the game, I might consider a couple of one to one lessons as a birthday present but not as an ongoing long term activity.

If she was really desperate to do it though to improve on the game, I might consider a couple of one to one lessons as a birthday present but not as an ongoing long term activity.

That's a good distinction to draw. Thinking about it, I'd be quite happy to agree (finances permitting) to one-off coaching sessions like that too.

(The bigger picture) by supporting and accepting his activity it will not be forgotten when his teen years become more challenging and he knows you 'get' him and have been there for him.
(as a dm with 7 dc of teen age +)
He will have faith in your relationship and be more inclined to trust you and your judgement on bigger things. Ime.

Out of interest, why is everyone referring to a boy? The o/p didn’t mention sex, unless i missed an update?

Funny how gender stereotyping kicks in almost subconsiously...

Anyway o/p. I think it depends on the game, where your child wants to take it, and what the value is. As pp have mentioned, gaming is a massive career and if this will open doors in that area, then it’s definitely worth it.

If it’s 1:1 on candy crush, which is about as far as i go with computer games, not so much :). Again unless they’re learning how to modify and build apps etc.

I was very talented at a particular sport, but was strongly discouraged from doing anything more serious than a spare time hobby, because there “is no money in sport”. Or there wasn’t then, now there are huge careers in coaching, sports psychology, sports medicine etc. I really regret listening to my parents on that one.

Fwiw my dc spend quite a lot of time flying drones. My mum thinks they should be doing something worthwhile. I work in an industry where skilled drone pilots are highly valuable- i predict a huge boom in that area as drones are increasingly used for search and rescue, film industry, geographical surveys etc. If they wanted tutoring i’d let them.

Could you us it as a carrot to also do a more active activity?
Yes to the coaching if they also pick an outdoors/sporty activity too.

My response was given with the pic of the back of my ds's head on his Xbox firmly in my mind!! Apologies!!

I love how everyone is presuming it's her son she's talking about, and not daughter.

I've not heard of getting 1-1 coaching on a video game before! I agree with what others have said about maybe looking at other computer-based activities/courses they might want to take, but something seems fishy/a waste of money about coaching for a video game. That's what forums/youtube is for I'd say!

What game is it?