To not allow child to do activity that they want to do?

[SheepandPigs]

Child is 14, doesn't do anything much. I've asked if they want to join any clubs and it's always been a no, etc. very into computers and the library, not many friends at school as they don't particularly share the same interests.

Very into a particular video game, definitely is not obsessed and does get school work done, although can be on it for long periods, but doesn't struggle to come off it.

Other child has just started a couple of clubs - 1 instrument and 1 sport. Both worthwhile activities.

The child who doesn't do any activity has asked if they could do 1-1 coaching for the game. Apparently you can pay a high up person to help. Never heard anything so crazy in my life!! It's actually not that expensive but it doesn't seem like a healthy thing to encourage? Apparently according to them, it's "no different to having 1-1 piano lessons (like other DC)"

What do you think?

There is a 13 year old who now works as a Fortnite player, he had played since he was 8 and was picked up by a professional team.
Really, coffeetramp, he's played a game that was released in 2017 for five years?

Sorry, pressed too soon. Loads of people want to do it but vanishingly few succeed.

Personally I would be asking him to think if there were linked things he could have tutoring for, for example coding, which could help him to create things he could sell in-game, but would actually be useful for proper jobs that most people can get too.

Other thing - how would this tutoring happen? Remotely? How would you safeguard DS? Presumably you wouldn’t be able to get a DBS check on their criminal record or get references etc. How would you know they were a suitable person to be having regular contact with DS?

What is the game?

If you think about it (and don't fall back on the usual ignorant bleatings of 'screeeens are eeeevil) there is very little objective difference between tuition in computer gaming and tuition in playing a musical instrument. A child who is obsessive about playing an instrument will spend hours practising, indoors on the whole, and most instruments need fine motor skills and not jumping around or exercising all the muscle groups. Another comparative activity might be tuition in poetry or fiction writing.

I think you should let your DC do what they want, not what fits in with your idea of 'normal' behaviour, unless and until it starts having an actual negative impact (missed homework, dodging any assigned chores, anxiety and stress or whatever).

I may have just found my teenagers future career 😳

The point of activities is to teach life skills like how to play piano or play a game of tennis

• those are not life skills

• the point of an 'activity' is not to learn life skills

Mighty - but parents who pay for their DC to have singing lessons (or any performing arts tuition) are not regarded as doing anything outrageous or weird. Lots of DC want to be professional footballers, as well, and very few are likely to make it further than the bottom of the reserve list of LocalLosers United, yet that doesn't stop it being acceptable for parents to pay for football club sessions.

If you think music coaching is so frigging worthy, try making money from playing a Euphonium

Is playing the piano seriously considered a life skill. How exactly, I mean most houses haven't even got room for a decent one at least a games console doesn't take up much space.

Sorry, pressed too soon. Loads of people want to do it but vanishingly few succeed.

Same is true of careers in music, sports, writing, chess, etc but nobody is outraged about those hobbies!

Sounds like eSports. In principle, I think you should support it as it's no less active than some creative arts (music, painting, etc.). In fact, the professionals take it so seriously that they're careful to stay in good physical shape so they have the stamina and focus for long games, competitions, etc. Just make sure that the tutor is actually a successful professional.

Our 12 year old is supposedly one of the top Fortnite players in the country. Whatever. He also plays a huge amount of sport and gets his homework done. If he can then also get to a good level at his chosen video game, fine, but if he asked me to pay for coaching I would say no.

If he's naturally good he will do well, if he isn't, you're wasting your money. I would never encourage this stuff - he enjoys it, it's his leisure time but to me it's like saying 'I'm great at watching box sets'.

f he's naturally good he will do well, if he isn't, you're wasting your money.

Yet people happily waste their money for their kids to do ballet, football, music lessons etc, all of which they may only ever be mediocre at but thats not seen as a waste

it's not exactly a healthy practise time like playing an instrument

You're a snob, and you're demonstrating to your child that your opinion of valid activities are different to theirs when there is absolutely no objective difference.

Sure, if you can't afford it, can't facillitate it, whatever then you can say no, but saying no when you're paying for an objectively similar set of coaching for a sibling is not on.

It is of course also reasonable to explain why the money is not necessarily worth it and how similar results could be achieved in other ways, and offer the money for something else, but to dismiss it just because you don't see the value is very wrong.

So he can have a hobby and you'll pay for it..... so long as you think it's the right hobby. Ok.

Why is playing the piano or learning football acceptable, but learning how to play a video game isn't?

The vast majority of children don't go on to have a career in any of their childhood activities, so they might as well at least do something they enjoy!

eSports is a valid area and competition. The gaming industry is crying out for development staff to the extent they are working with awarding organisations to create qualifications which will produce excellent staff, it's not just kids playing games in their bedrooms, basic googling of eSports shows you the extent of the industry. I'd liken it to darts and cards - they are sports but have that reputation of being drinking games and not real sports yet have big following and professional approaches

This sort of extra curricular activity which then becomes more structured by using tutors could well be a huge support in a possible career path.

It's teaching many life skills - perseverance, reflection, cooperation, lateral thinking and technical coding and gaming structure.

If its going to teach them to code and programme then yes but I would want more result than just being able to get to level 37

My concern would be that it is so specific. One particular game? What if a different game comes into fashion next month or next year?

I'd look into coding or gaming clubs instead, at least they would offer a social aspect and a bit more breadth.

I think if your 14 yo is mature enough to argue that his 1 - 1 coaching is no differnt to having 1-1 piano lessons he should be allowed to have them. He s been encouraged to join clubs and activities he likes and this is what he likes.
I personally think videogames can help develop an array of skills and I would let my kids choose what they do.
If you are concerned abut sedentarism maybe you could tell him so and maybe ask him to choose one more activity that is more sporty or at least outdoors

Coaching is very very common these days. My partner used to be a coach a few years ago

I knew a guy in his 20s who offered free computer game coaching to a teenage family friend they met at mosque. apparently they both gained a lot from it. I would try and get the coaching for free if I could but it wouldn't be an automatic no.

It depends on what’s being offered for the coaching.
If it’s say about fortnite then not a chance.
However, as others have said e-sports I would be fully supportive.

Ummmgogo, why do you think a professional coach should offer his/her skills for free? There's enough devaluing of the creative arts and the leisure industry as it is, without comfortably-off twats thinking that their little darling or pet project is good exposure, or that the self-employed person should be glad of the 'practice'.

I don't. I thought perhaps they had a family friend who was good at computers who could coach him. as I said in my post. dont let that get in the way of your rant though.