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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"You've lost weight"

84 replies

venusandmars · 10/05/2018 13:52

Said to me by various friends....

Yes, I have. But so what? It was only just over a stone....

I had some health issues and in the last year I have made some significant changes to my lifestyle. This has massively improved my health issue and reduced medication, and in the process I've lost a bit of weight.

For clarification, at my previous weight my BMI was 'overweight', and now after losing one stone and a couple of pounds my BMI is comfortably within the 'normal' range. So I wasn't massively overweight before and I'm nowhere close to underweight now.

So AIBU to feel pissed off about friends commenting on my weight loss?

They never commented on my weight/size before, but now I think they must have been looking and thinking I was a bit porky.

Could they not think of something else positive to say? Like 'you're looking well' or 'that skirt looks good on you'

I met up with a group of friends last week and one said "oh you've lost weight" and then others joined in, looking at me and saying "yeah, your face is thinner" etc.

I felt really scrutinised.

Then this weekend at a barbeque a friend said (almost in an accusatory way) "you've lost weight!" And proceeded to point it out to others, and demand that I told her how I'd done it.

Well, it's been tough making the changes, but it wasn't about losing weight, so why is that all that they are talking about?

OP posts:
A4710Rider · 10/05/2018 13:53

Would you have preferred that they talk about the weather instead? It's just a polite way of making conversation. Get over ones self.

AmazingPostVoices · 10/05/2018 13:54

They are trying to compliment you. Most people know that losing weight is hard work and that to lose a stone you have to be quite disciplined.

They are trying to be nice and encouraging. I appreciate it’s made you feel a bit grumpy but it comes from a place of love - they aren’t criticising.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 10/05/2018 13:55

I just couldn’t find this offensive at all! Infact I love love love hearing those words Blush

Sadly they have rarely been said to me!!

araiwa · 10/05/2018 13:57

Go eat lots of cake and youll never hear it again

Or take compliments as intended and say thanks.

BlueJava · 10/05/2018 13:57

Not seeing the issue. Say thanks for the compliment and move on.

ShatnersBassoon · 10/05/2018 14:00

They can only see the results of the changes you've made, they don't know about the invisible improvements to your wellbeing. You were overweight and now you're not, so they want to congratulate you. They shouldn't be asking for details though.

NotARegularPenguin · 10/05/2018 14:03

Ive lost a stone and a half and people comment.

Cheers me up no end that people have noticed. They’re been nice and saying I look great.

I think your friends are meaning it nicely, it’s not an criticism on your previous weight.

cordeliavorkosigan · 10/05/2018 14:03

I get where you're coming from and I don't love it either - I mean, I guess we all know that our weight is the conscious or unconscious subject of continual scrutiny from everyone everywhere, but I don't think it should be and I hate that it's like that.
And I also feel like when people say it, it's nice on the surface, but it is also saying "you were heavier before" (and it highlights this continual judgement of bodies that's always going on)
It's like the difference between "I like that top" and "I like that top more than the one you wore yesterday".
You look great - nice. You look better than before - not quite so nice!

WhiteFreesias · 10/05/2018 14:05

It's like saying you were fat before. I'd never make an initial comment about someone's weight gain or loss. I'd also never Mae a comment about whether I thought someone's baby bump.was big or small.

I have an older female relative that comments about how much weight I've lost every time I see them (I've stayed the same). I appreciate they see it as a complement, it isn't though.

RaininSummer · 10/05/2018 14:06

I don't know why you would find that offensive really. No different really from observing a new hair cut or colour.

Thebluedog · 10/05/2018 14:07

They are trying to be nice and compliment you Hmm blimey, so me people will find a negative out of every scenario

PinkHeart5914 · 10/05/2018 14:10

Surely it was just a compliment Confused so maybe just take the comment as it was intended?

When I lose just half a stone I can normally see the difference in myself so obviously friends and family notice too.

Professionalmum1 · 10/05/2018 14:15

I lost a lot of weight after having my daughter, about 4.5 stone, and one lady was in such admiration of my weight loss that she turned to her DH and said 'do you remember what she looked like? Head like a bowling ball! Neck like a wrestler! Look at her now!'

I still took it as a compliment! Even though I felt like telling her thats how she looks now! I would have been more offended if she hadn't noticed.

itallhappensforareason · 10/05/2018 14:18

Just take the compliment!

Eolian · 10/05/2018 14:20

For every person who doesn't want comments on their weight loss, there will be another that's pissed off because nobody has noticed or complimented them on theirs. It's a minefield. Usually if someone says you've lost weight, they are giving you a compliment , not trying to offend you.

ohdearmissus · 10/05/2018 14:21

YES you are

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/05/2018 14:24

Would you have wanted them to say you were fat before?

Lottapianos · 10/05/2018 14:25

I absolutely hear you OP.i lost a lot of weight a few years ago - it was linked to grief and depression and a generally horrendous time. I HATED it when people commented. I didn't mind 'youre looking well' or whatever because that didn't feel so personal, but loud demands to know how much weight I had lost and how were tough to take. I never brought it up, I didn't want to talk about it but even when I said I had been unwell, some people just couldn't back off

It's one of those issues that people will either understand, or they just won't.

Original poster
venusandmars · 10/05/2018 14:25

Ok, I'll get over it, but like cordelia said, it's a pity that 'weight is the conscious or unconscious subject of scrutiny'

I guess I was feeling narked because MY issue wasn't about weight, it was about another health issue (which friends knew about). But now the focus is on how I lost weight...

OP posts:
Furano · 10/05/2018 14:25

Jesus christ why so negative? If you were overwieght then its a good think to have lost weight. Take it as such.

Furano · 10/05/2018 14:26

t was about another health issue

But that isn't viable to other people. Loosing weight is.

Lottapianos · 10/05/2018 14:28

You don't have to 'get over it', Venus. And yes, Cordelia's post is spot on

mimibunz · 10/05/2018 14:28

I know what you mean, OP. It's annoying. But people feel entitled to comment on it. I loathe it when people comment on my food. 'OOOH! that smells so good!' I just want to eat, leave me alone.

redexpat · 10/05/2018 14:30

If they have never been the sort to comment before I can see why it's made you uneasy. It's a change in dynamic, as if they are policing your body. It's often done in an unpleasant tone or dressed up as concern. You could say I don't want to discuss this with you but they might not react well.

IamPickleRick · 10/05/2018 14:32

I always answer, “no, I am just not as fat as you remember 👍🏻“