"You've lost weight"

[venusandmars]

Said to me by various friends....

Yes, I have. But so what? It was only just over a stone....

I had some health issues and in the last year I have made some significant changes to my lifestyle. This has massively improved my health issue and reduced medication, and in the process I've lost a bit of weight.

For clarification, at my previous weight my BMI was 'overweight', and now after losing one stone and a couple of pounds my BMI is comfortably within the 'normal' range. So I wasn't massively overweight before and I'm nowhere close to underweight now.

So AIBU to feel pissed off about friends commenting on my weight loss?

They never commented on my weight/size before, but now I think they must have been looking and thinking I was a bit porky.

Could they not think of something else positive to say? Like 'you're looking well' or 'that skirt looks good on you'

I met up with a group of friends last week and one said "oh you've lost weight" and then others joined in, looking at me and saying "yeah, your face is thinner" etc.

I felt really scrutinised.

Then this weekend at a barbeque a friend said (almost in an accusatory way) "you've lost weight!" And proceeded to point it out to others, and demand that I told her how I'd done it.

Well, it's been tough making the changes, but it wasn't about losing weight, so why is that all that they are talking about?

I understand where you're from OP as I had the same when I lost weight through being ill. I hated the focus on the weight loss as though it was the only important thing about me. Like you, I had some friends going on about telling me the 'secret' of how I'd done and not backing off when I was clearly uncomfortable. In the end I just said I'd been ill but was ok now.

Someone commenting that you have lost weight is also drawing attention to the fact that they noticed your larger size before. As someone who literally doesn't remember a time that they were happy with their body, it confirms my fears that people are constantly noticing (and potentially judging me negatively) on my weight/body shape. It may be intended as a compliment and I'm sure there are those who are happy to hear it, but for me it is tied to the belief that my weight is noteworthy and therefore it makes me uncomfortable when people comment on it.

Someone commenting that you have lost weight is also drawing attention to the fact that they noticed your larger size before

They'd only not have noticed if they were blind. You can't help but notice if someone is overweight or underweight!

But they don't have to comment on it or draw others' attention to it - that was my point. I wouldn't expect someone to comment if I had a huge spot, even there was no way of not noticing it and I sort of feel the same about my weight.

Someone commenting that you have lost weight is also drawing attention to the fact that they noticed your larger size before

Of course they did. Sorry if they won't all play into your self delusion that no-one did.

Presumably your self-delusion, bob, is that you're being clever or incisive, rather than just unkind.

I know what you mean OP. I have a friend who always says that I've lost weight in a very OTT way and it makes me feel like I was a hippo before. I have another stone to lose to get back to my pre age 40 weight :(

And I also feel like when people say it, it's nice on the surface, but it is also saying "you were heavier before" (and it highlights this continual judgement of bodies that's always going on)

10000 times this.

do you remember what she looked like? Head like a bowling ball! Neck like a wrestler! Look at her now!'
^^
Sorry but