Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"You've lost weight"

84 replies

venusandmars · 10/05/2018 13:52

Said to me by various friends....

Yes, I have. But so what? It was only just over a stone....

I had some health issues and in the last year I have made some significant changes to my lifestyle. This has massively improved my health issue and reduced medication, and in the process I've lost a bit of weight.

For clarification, at my previous weight my BMI was 'overweight', and now after losing one stone and a couple of pounds my BMI is comfortably within the 'normal' range. So I wasn't massively overweight before and I'm nowhere close to underweight now.

So AIBU to feel pissed off about friends commenting on my weight loss?

They never commented on my weight/size before, but now I think they must have been looking and thinking I was a bit porky.

Could they not think of something else positive to say? Like 'you're looking well' or 'that skirt looks good on you'

I met up with a group of friends last week and one said "oh you've lost weight" and then others joined in, looking at me and saying "yeah, your face is thinner" etc.

I felt really scrutinised.

Then this weekend at a barbeque a friend said (almost in an accusatory way) "you've lost weight!" And proceeded to point it out to others, and demand that I told her how I'd done it.

Well, it's been tough making the changes, but it wasn't about losing weight, so why is that all that they are talking about?

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 10/05/2018 14:33

People say it to me a lot btw, even when I haven’t lost any weight at all. Which is why I have a ready to go answer. YANBU!

yuckusernames · 10/05/2018 14:34

I find it uncomfortable when people talk about my weight. And I know what you mean about it being said in an accusatory way. Yeah sometimes people say things as a throw away compliment, but not always and it can get pretty creepy quite fast.
So not unreasonable in my book.

sweetboykit · 10/05/2018 14:36

Doesn't 'you're looking well ' mean you look fat/what an unflattering outfit? Maybe the skirt doesn't look good!
This is one of the reasons I hate small talk.

MrsLupo · 10/05/2018 14:37

No, I get it OP, and I'm not sure why so many people are insisting they don't. Everyone seems to be obsessed with their own and everyone else's weight and while everyone insists that their opinions about weight/overweight/obesity are about health or the ramifications of health/ill health (e.g. strain on the NHS), the reality is that it's just another way to be judgemental. Well done for making lifestyle changes, though, which is a very difficult thing to do (although lots of people here will insist otherwise).

ppeatfruit · 10/05/2018 14:37

There's a woman who works in a shop I go in frequently and she's recently lost a LOT of weight. I haven't commented because I
thought that I hadn't said anything about her weight when she was OW so why would I comment now? With people like the OP it seems I was right. She may have been ill or whatever.

myfriendbob · 10/05/2018 14:39

It's a compliment, get a grip

kateandme · 10/05/2018 14:39

totally get it and I am so angry on your behalf.why is anything about weight and food or losing weight and how et etc etcbloodyetc!
this is part of whats wrong with the world.
this should never be the focus.
im glad your feeling better and got your health issues sorted.good on you.
don't turn it around on yourself and make there focuc your focus.you didn't need to lose weight nor need to look thinner.your you.you were poorly and got help and changed your life and lifestyle to be healthy,stronger,have more energy feel more comfortable. weight doesnt need to come into it.so don't let it.focus on what is given you.a powerful mind.a ability to boune out of bed.go for walks.feel more settled in your mind.those are the good points from your life changes.keep them in mind.

Timefortea99 · 10/05/2018 14:41

I have lost 30 pounds and nobody has noticed apart from DH. I still have a stone to go but it is odd that nobody else have mentioned it. I told a colleague when she was talking about diets but she looked at me in disbelief as if I had made it up. I was wearing size 16, I am now a 12. Not sure what to make of that. I did dress to disguise it but still......

myfriendbob · 10/05/2018 14:41

I am so angry on your behalf

If you are actually "so angry" because someone on the internet had a friend compliment them you need some serious help.

Eolian · 10/05/2018 14:41

People assume that you have lost weight because you wanted to lose weight (understandable, since most weight loss is surely intentional). Therefore commenting on someone's weight loss is acknowledging their success. I've lost half a stone in the last month and would certainly not be offended if someone commented.

ceeflo · 10/05/2018 14:42

I've lost a good bit of weight recently and it does bother me when people just say 'you've lost weight', I much rather someone follow up with you look well or something along those lines at least then I know it's a compliment! I find it difficult to say thanks for noticing or anything like that because I'd rather it wasn't commented on at all, it just makes me a bit self conscious. That said obviously I've talked to close friends and family about it but it's the near strangers at my local shop etc saying it to me that I'm talking about.

kateandme · 10/05/2018 14:44

mrslupo you said everything my clever mind wanted to yet my idiot self could type properply! ;)

arousingcheer · 10/05/2018 14:44

It's rude to comment on specific matters of personal appearance, so while 'You look well' is fine, 'You've lost weight' etc is not. A close friend might mention it in private but making an announcement in front of others is rude.

kateandme · 10/05/2018 14:46

I wish in an ideal world it would/shouldn't cross peoples minds.we should lok upon them to how they look in regards to health.their glow.the energy they give off.their laughter or personality.
id like to think I don't go up to people and my thoughts are weight orientated.im simply seeing them as a whole.

kateandme · 10/05/2018 14:48

myfriendbob no need to be cruel.many things we read are allowed to make us angry. you don't dictate that.
what if I was someone who needed serious help....how do you think your comment makes someone feel for having an opinion or feelings for someone

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/05/2018 14:49

In the real world when someone has noticeably lost weight their friends comment about it.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 10/05/2018 14:50

Timefortea

Well done!

Perhaps you are working with some of the posters on this thread who think it’s rude to mention 😂

myfriendbob · 10/05/2018 14:56

myfriendbob no need to be cruel.many things we read are allowed to make us angry. you don't dictate that

Nothing cruel about it, I was deadly serious. That's really not a normal reaction and you should probably step away from the internet.

Elementtree · 10/05/2018 14:59

People talk about weight in the same way they talk about the weather, with a casual disinterest to pass the time.

AmazingPostVoices · 10/05/2018 15:00

sweet “you are looking well” is generally a compliment.

IME use it either to obliquely comment in weight loss or on pregnancy.

It’s disingenuous to suggest that people shouldn’t make assessments about our physical appearance. We aren’t brains floating in jars.

We make (mostly private) conclusions about how people look every single second of the day. It’s innate. It helps us navigate society, keeps us safe, helps us build relationships and helps us monitor the health of our loved ones.

It would be different if someone had been rude and said something unkind about your previous weight. But they weren’t. They just commented on your weight loss.

Depending on the situation “you've lost weight” might mean:

You look pretty
You look healthier
You look more attractive
You look unwell
I’m concerned about you

wibblywobblywoo · 10/05/2018 15:02

YABVU But hey, just put it all back on, that'll show 'em.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/05/2018 15:04

We can be angry for a stranger in the internet because of a situation they find themselves in.

This isn't one of them by any stretch.

fredrikaflowers · 10/05/2018 15:04

But if someone says you're looking well it means you've put weight on and look a bit porky!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/05/2018 15:07

But if someone says you're looking well it means you've put weight on and look a bit porky!

Utter nonsense. It means what it says.

Elementtree · 10/05/2018 15:08

What? "You're looking well" does not mean "you've put on weight" unless the reason why you looked unwell to begin with was because you looked under-nourished to start with.

If someone says, "you look well" or "you've lost weight" they usually mean "have a look at me, I've lost weight/ changed my look in some way".