Really seriously missed off with male nursery worker

[insancerre]

New male colleague refused to change a child's knickers as she is a girl and he is a male

After all these years of sticking up for men in early years and defending them against parents and their prejudices, it feels like I've stepped back in time

I was cooking ounces and had to stop what I was doing and do it because I'm a woman.
Environmental health would have a field day if they saw that

And I'm bloody annoyed with the manager who let him get away with it
AIBU to be pissed off?

Before any one asks, yes he has a DBS and safeguarding training and our nursery is open plan so he would have been in view of other staff members

@theonlylivingboy I had to hide that thread because it was making me so angry. Half expected it to end up in the Daily Mail.

Lazy? Could be. But he could just be scared. Scared of accusations that could result in being suspended while an investigation takes place, and scared that could prompt vigilante attacks, or that he might lose his house, or that his relationship might break down. There are many people out there (and on here) ready and willing to assume the worst.

I think you need to have a chat. If personal care is part of his job he needs to do it. I've always agreed with whatever you've said about nurseries in the past, but I'm a man who's worked in childcare for 20+ years and there are extra worries and stresses involved in just doing the job while being male. He needs to learn to cope or move on.

To those saying he’s protecting himself. What if the female workers want to protect themselves, women can and do abuse children (Vanessa George female nursery worker) . Would parents be happy to nip to nursery from work to change their child, if non of the workers want to risk allegations, I’m betting not.

Intimate care is part of a childcare workers role and involves far more than changing nappy’s or wet clothing. I respect workers need to protect themselves but not by not doing a significant part of their role.

Would he have changed a boy?

Totally with the guy

We have had various threads over the years about people not wanting male staff to change children’s nappy’s

Last summer my friend challenged a man because he was in the park alone 😟

I did point out to her parks are for public use people use them to have lunch watch the world go by write, read and just because your a man doesn’t mean you can’t used a park with out being accompanied by a child

I am surprised their are any men left in primary or early years tbh I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole

There is 4 times more sexual abuse against girls than against boys:

"Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that:

1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;"

I still think he should change girls' nappies though.

your friend did what?! What the hell?
Male gps/gynaecologists who have examined me intimately might offer a chaperone, but they never insisted on one. In an open plan area i cant see the problem at all.

I know it’s very sad really

It’s why my dh dispite loving kids choose to do adult nursing because he can’t be arsed

I confess I was a bit wary when I discovered that DD2's key worker at her playgroup was a man, but that was because of my own past as a victim of childhood SA, and I am inclined to be paranoid. In reality he seemed like a very nice young man so I kept it to myself. But that would explain why a man in that role might not want to be involved in changing a girl's knickers.

“With the greatest of respect Tanith, you or anyone else can have no clue of his reasoning but if you took the time to read some of the attached threads surely you could see reasons why a male wouldn't want to change a girl's nappy othat than him just being lazy. Yes it is his job but unfortunately society doesn't let him get on with it without judging as can easily be seen on these boards”

I can see your reasoning, but perhaps you don’t understand mine.

I don’t believe that society prevents a male childcare worker from doing his job and I question the motives of anyone trying to claim otherwise.
There are plenty of safeguards in place to ensure that allegations of abuse against both male and female workers are minimised. This man will have been made fully aware of those measures, yet still chose to refuse to change a child’s nappy. Does he also refuse to hold a child, to cuddle them when they are distressed? Just in case he’s accused of abuse? He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s not doing his job.

This is the kind of thing that allows men to leave childcare tasks to women. If it was a father refusing to change his daughter, MN would be up in arms, yet most abuse is carried out by family members.

Would you defend the Op if she refused to change a child’s nappy? Women have also abused children so she’d be equally entitled to refuse on the same grounds as he has done.
The fact is, she doesn’t refuse. Because she knows the procedures in place to protect her and she follows them.
Why can’t he do that?