Really seriously missed off with male nursery worker

[insancerre]

New male colleague refused to change a child's knickers as she is a girl and he is a male

After all these years of sticking up for men in early years and defending them against parents and their prejudices, it feels like I've stepped back in time

I was cooking ounces and had to stop what I was doing and do it because I'm a woman.
Environmental health would have a field day if they saw that

And I'm bloody annoyed with the manager who let him get away with it
AIBU to be pissed off?

Before any one asks, yes he has a DBS and safeguarding training and our nursery is open plan so he would have been in view of other staff members

This isn't going to make me popular but it's issues like this that make me think early years roles aren't the best fit for men, no matter how good their intentions.

Yes. You are missing the fact that no parent has ever complained about a female being in charge of their child’s personal care purely because of their sex.
Unless you are hinting that all men should be treated as suspect paedophiles, then this applies to anyone you would leave your child with. Including femal nursery worker.

I doubt many parents would bat an eyelid the idea that a female would change a little girl knickers. Or would ask to first learn to know the person very well.
Somthe Issue is coming form the fact this is a man and we are happy to treat all men as potentially dangerous.

If it was the other way around, we would all be screaming about discrimination.....
Which it is btw. Except that the result is that a woman again has to step up to ‘compensate’ for an (perceived) issue linked with a man.
If there was real threat, then no man should be allowed to work with children or little girls as a nursery worker .
Instead we have a system where we say anyone can look after children. Men are just as capable. We dint discriminate. But actually we still do and think it’s dangerous to leave a little girl with a man and then ask a woman to compensate for it.
What should happen is that everyone , man or woman, shouod abide by the same safeguarding rules and this amn should be able to do his job, the same way than a woman is. And yes that includes changing knicejrs or nappies of a little girl.

To me, this is very much a reap what you sow moment. You can’t keep saying ‘men as a class are a danger’ and in the next breath wonder why individuals (who make up classes) take steps to protect themselves from accusations.

And to say that the men shouldn’t then be in that job because they’ve taken those steps smacks of out and out sex discrimination.

I'd not want to change either sex child's nap pies if I was a bloke.

We have had 2 male nursery workers and tbh I prefer them to some of the women as they are more caring. Also - the cleaning up is done on rotation so they have to do it like everyone else.

Prison and police officers dont do strip searches on people of the opposite sex. Searches are intricate part of the job. Healthcare workers have similar safeguards. Are they all in the wrong jobs?

Not the same at all unless you are also saying that women should never change a little boy. Which we would all agree wouod be stupid.

YY to safeguards but they should be the same for men and women.
This safeguarding stuff shouldn’t be a way for men to get away with not doing some tasks whilst relying on women to do it for them (changing children IS part of being a nursery worker!!)

I thought you were the nursery manager?

Why are children being changed in full view of everyone?

He was protecting himself from allegations of wrong doing. Sounds like your manager needs to look at staff ratios so you can apply safer working.

I'd not want to change either sex child's nap pies if I was a bloke.
Then as a bloke, you should never be a nursery worker (or carer or nurse etc etc).

When a male consultant needs to see do an internal examination on a woman, they ask for a chaperone. It doesn’t stop them from doing their job (and they dint call for a woman to come and do their job)
Why would a Male nursery worker need to have someone else to do his job?
Just like the consultant, procedure shouold in place so he CAN do his job. Not give (palm?) the shitty parts to someone else.

Nursery manager needs to enforce the rules and then be prepared to back up the staff against parental complaints.

It isn't that long ago the three(?) female nursery workers abused the babies in their care and took photos before sending them on to a paedophile ring. There needs to be safeguarding put in place for everyone.
If you send your child to a nursery with a male worker you have to accept they may change their undergarments, dress them, cuddle them etc. Otherwise you can go elsewhere.

I once worked in a public building, and a member of the public asked me to watch her toddler who was in a pushchair, while she took the other one to the toilet. While she was gone, the baby started crying, so thinking nothing of it, I picked the child up. I was told by my boss, I shouldn't have touched the child without the mother's permission. I felt like I had done something so much worse, than trying to comfort a distressed baby. I do understand people's reticence, where children are involved.

I think this is really a management issue. I don't blame the guy for being cautious. He is rare as a male working with young children and probably feels worried about accusations. He should speak with management and agree a general policy.

When a male consultant needs to see do an internal examination on a woman, they ask for a chaperone.

Exactly they have a chaperone to protect themselves as much as the woman. The nursery worker clearly can't have a chaperone to change a nappy (that's two people doing a job for one person).

Healthcare workers have similar safeguards.. Well yes, in so much as the patient can ask for a chaperone or woman. I had a male gynaecologist for example, who treated me extensively (all ivf treatment, not uk) and operated on me. There were plenty of male nurses there too. From that, I’d perhaps say the Brits are far more suspicious of males.

If the place is open plan, he should be fine to have done it. So why are you on here complaining about it rather than to the manager stating “Environmental health would have a field day if they saw that” and the manager needs to find another solution. At best, you should have acted as a “chaperone” but this isn’t long term sustainable. He’s not backwards in coming forwards to protect himself. So why aren’t you? You would have been implicated in a health and safety breach.

Or they have an open plan so everyone can see what is happening. Which is the case in the OP.

Asking for the OoP to come over IS asking for two people to done job anyway....

He’s smart to refuse to be honest. It’s very very sad that males in care roles feel so scared about things, but you just have to read mumsnet posts to see why. They’re seen as devils incarnate, and most of them are absolutely wonderful humans.

Imagine a post “male nursery staff changed my daughters underwear” you’d have so many OMG SAFE SPACE, OMG POTENTIAL PREDATOR, OMG Y CAN OUR GIRLS NO FEEL SAFE NOMORE???? Posts.

Blame the parents!

I don't think there is any reason why he can't do it especially as it would not be behind a closed door and there are other staff members around who are able to be a back up. However, all staff need to be making sure you are following the correct procedure of the workplace here. It is worth taking this to management, not to complain, but to get clarity all round.

I would hope the male worker at our nursery would change my dd if he was the one available to do so. I suppose I can understand where he's coming from though sadly.

Mind you, we weren't allowed to play football at school 20 odd year ago as the janitor that took the football wasn't allowed to tend to girls. Same went for breaktimes, girl skint her knee, a female member off staff had to be sought out.

He’s not backwards in coming forwards to protect himself.

Actually the more I’m thiinking about it, the more I’m thinking this guy isn’t trying to protect himself. He is delegating the bits he doesn’t like using the fact he is a man.

If he was protecting himself, he would have asked the Op to be a chaperone NOT to change the little girl for him....

Also if he is so weary to be under attack if he is changing a girl knickers, why on Earth is he working a nursery worker?
Surely the right approach is to ensure he can still do his job safely (including changing a girl) not stoping doing some bits of it???

I fully agree wit the OP when she said that it’s a management issue.
And I would bring it to them as such.

Just while we are on this thread, I noticed Vivaconda. Your device autocorrected to Male with a capital M. Mine does that too but not female with a capital F. I have to go back 3 times before it accepts the lower case m. Really boils my piss. I feel a bit like this about the nursery manager putting the man first and above health and safety. .

Sorry vivakondo

agree with VivaKondo he could "...have asked the Op to be a chaperone NOT to change the little girl for him."

Same type of people annoyed that he doesn’t want to put himself in this position are the same type of people who would have a full on meltdown if a male child carer did change their kids underwear.

Constant posts on mumsnet about how we simply cannot trust males (even male children!) with our daughters, because they are statistically more likely to sexually assault, they ‘can’t help it’ ‘through no fault of their own’ (imagine growing up as a boy hearing shit like that)... and now you’re mortified that male carers dare not do underwear changes for your daughters. Must be because he’s male and lazy.

Honestly, go have a word with yourselves.

I think male nannies and nursery workers face a lot of prejudice. I once interviewed a male nanny for an after-school nannying job, and I as stunned when he mentioned how grateful he was to have even been interviewed, because so many people write him off immediately. The job didn't go to him but he was a close second and we asked him for help subsequently.

DS has, until recently, had a male key worker at nursery, and we were absolutely delighted.

It's a basic part of the job description. He should change a girl, just as all the women workers routinely change boys. If his employer doesn't allow him to change children (either sex), he could probably bring a sex discrimination claim.