Daddy to dad

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

My kids 10,9, 7.5 came home after the weekend (father just moved in with gf who wants a baby) and told me that their father had told them they were too old to refer to him as daddy and that other kids would make fun of them as they were too old.

Cue automatic claws out reflex from me.

This has come out of the blue- they’re very young for their age, he’s always been daddy but explained that they had to move to dad.

They’re upset. AIBU by thinking... well it’s a bit unreasonable. Ex still refers to his own father as daddy!

Kids are upset, I’m annoyed but don’t want to lose my temper if I’m being overly sensitive.

[WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue]

well of course theres an incestual link. Its an actual incest fantasy.

Branleuse Incorrect. The Daddy/Little Girl dynamic isn’t a Father/Daughter fantasy; that’s totally separate. There is no incestual link with Daddy/Little Girl. You don’t have to like it, but there’s no need to spread such ignorance.

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

Thank you Branleuse, you made the point that I was trying to make.

[InsomniacAnonymous]

It makes no sense that he thinks his children are too old to call him daddy, when that's what he calls his own father! The children should've said that to him.

[YearOfYouRemember]

The kids are too young to think and stay that.

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

She has always been very jealous of them.

At first I tried to be understanding as she doesn't have kids, and it's a lot to be thrown in the deep end with three to suddenly interact with. Her behaviour and the things she says/does are so weird sometimes.

Ex knows that I am not happy with them being left alone with the Nutbag and tries to avoid it (1- because hed get an earful if she said something that upset them and 2- because she wears the financial pants in relationship. He might wear the daddy knickers but that is in name only).

I am limited legally as to what I can do (at this point) but keep tabs on it. I have absolutely no doubt that shes jealous.

Im going to text The Idiot and just explain that the kids are upset. I'm just conscious that with a big change in one half of their family dynamic they feel that they are being distanced. As my 9 yo told me 'I don't want him to be my dad, I want him to be my daddy'.

I think she feels as though she is being told to grow up and go away from him.

Hopefully he will take on board what I have to say.

[moodance]

Haven't read all of the thread as i think it has gone off topic.

I don't think daddy, dadda is appropriate for over 6's.

I think daddy is a class thing...unless you are middle class or upper middle it's okay and of course the children go to public school.

Nothing worst then hearing a child screaming daddy. My sister is married to a man who has 3 children aged 10,9 and 7, it makes me cringe when they call him daddy or worse dadda YUCK.

But I also find it pathetic when the 10 year old has her hair in pigtails and has food over her face and clothes ... but I guess some people will think that's normal... However personal opinion I think it's babyish.

If they are planning on having a baby then they could be actually be preparing the children that an actual baby will be saying daddy : dadda.

[ICantCopeAnymore]

My sister is married to a man who has 3 children aged 10,9 and 7, it makes me cringe when they call him daddy or worse dadda YUCK

This is the most bizarre thing I've read on Mumsnet since I joined.

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

Don't forget that 10yos can't have their hair in pigtails. I must tell half the girls in DD's class.

[ICantCopeAnymore]

Someone who posts things like that must have some serious, worrying issues.

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

I never gave it any thought before this came up with my own children. I have a 71 year old aunt who when speaking about my grandparents refers to 'remember when mummy did' or 'daddy would have hated this'.

Its just the norm in our family.

(now thinking that I am a weirdo! )

[Gottagetmoving]

My son doesn't like his 10 year old calling him dad, he prefers him to call him daddy.
I think the child should decide when they change from 'daddy' to 'dad'
Your ex shouldn't tell them it has to be dad and my son shouldn't be telling his son it must be daddy.

[Mrsbird311]

how very odd! I still call my mummy, well mummy!! And our kids 17 and 14 still call us mummy and daddy. Honestly never heard of having to start calling them mum and dad!!!
Honestly, tell their father to stop being an arse and they will call him what they like!!! What a dick

[mathanxiety]

QueenArseClangers Thu 10-May-18 10:45:33
Eeeeeeew, it’s her dirty sex name for him and she doesn’t want anyone else using it.
Grim.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 10-May-18 10:59:28
Eww he's clearly having flashes of his partner when he hears "Daddy" shouted randomly and its making him feel uncomfortable. How weird. I've really never understood the appeal personally. If my DH asked me to call him Daddy I'd be looking for a new husband and I can't think of anything more likely to wilt DH than me calling it him!

................
YY to these comments.

As for the GF hissing at them that he was her 'daddy' - I have no words.

The pair of them richly deserve each other, and they do not deserve the company of your lovely children, OP.

To interfere in the parental relationship and upset the children so much because they have a little fetish going is beyond the pale.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

I think daddy is a class thing...unless you are middle class or upper middle it's okay and of course the children go to public school.

Oh dear, well I am those things as are my DC but their DF grew up on a council estate and went to a grammar school. We’d better tell him it’s Dad for him from now on...

[Popfan]

My 10 year old DS still calls us mummy and daddy but mum and dad when around his friends. I'm not going to tell him to change! He'll do that in his own time.

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

Messaged The Idiot just explaining that not wishing to start an argument that they were upset by his comments. That they were insensitive and thoughtless (comments, not kids ). That if they wish to call him dad they would do so. Asked him to make it up to them.

Haven't heard anything but I didnt expect/hope so. I just hope he apologises for upsetting his kids when he sees them.

[hotsouple]

Does the GF want to call him "daddy" in bed or something?

[Puffycat]

It’s entirely the kids choice and what they feel comfortable with.
We are dad, daddy, mum, mummy depending on where we are, who we are with and how the dc’s feel.
I never would dictate what we should be referred to by our beloved sprogs 😉

[CowbellPopular]

I think you've gone too far and need to apologise to your ExH. Imagine if you revieved that text from him.

[hotsouple]

Sorry I hadn't finished RTT

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

No idea hotsouple but the pink undies with 'DADDY' printed across the back may be an indicator.

I have only seen my OH cry on a couple of occasions, but the time the kids came back saying 'daddy wears pink knickers with daddy written across his bottom' was one of them. Crying with laughter.

I genuinely don't care what they are up to unless it upsets my girls. I've simply told them that he will always be their daddy regardless of what he is called. I've asked him to address their feelings the next time he sees them and after that... I can't do any more.

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

cowbell if I received that text from him I'd be mortified I'd upset the kids so much.

They have interpreted this as he doesn't want to be their daddy anymore (having heard a more of what they have had to say today, this is the case). If they want to change to calling him to dad then I really think it should be their choice. I asked was I being unreasonable so I could hear opinions about this, so thankyou for your advice. I... just want my kids to be happy.

[DropZoneOne]

My 10 year old DD mixes up calling us mummy/mum. She announced last year that I was to be mum but I'm still mummy a lot of the time. It's up to her, there's no magic cut off point.

[CowbellPopular]

OP, I totally understand that you are of course trying to do what's best for your kids - it's natural to leap into action when our kids are upset!

However, I personally don't feel that the text was helpful. I believe this could have been raised with ExH in a less judgey, less hostile manner. After all, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt them!