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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daddy to dad

171 replies

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 10/05/2018 02:37

My kids 10,9, 7.5 came home after the weekend (father just moved in with gf who wants a baby) and told me that their father had told them they were too old to refer to him as daddy and that other kids would make fun of them as they were too old.

Cue automatic claws out reflex from me.

This has come out of the blue- they’re very young for their age, he’s always been daddy but explained that they had to move to dad.

They’re upset. AIBU by thinking... well it’s a bit unreasonable. Ex still refers to his own father as daddy!

Kids are upset, I’m annoyed but don’t want to lose my temper if I’m being overly sensitive.

OP posts:
Bekabeech · 10/05/2018 06:44

@babydreamer1 I know plenty of people who still call their parents Mummy and Daddy at 50.
They are usually either Irish or posh.

This really is small stuff. Soon enough neither you or ex will really be able to control what your Dc call you. Mine call me "Mother" from time to time in full knowledge that I hate the word. They will also call us by first names at times.

crisscrosscranky · 10/05/2018 06:45

My DD is 10 and recently started referring to me as "Mum" when speaking to her peers but still calls me Mummy at home! Same with Dad/Daddy.

He was BU but there's no evidence this is the GF's influence. I agree with a PP that if they have a baby they will both be in your kids' lives for a long time so best to pick your battles.

vampirethriller · 10/05/2018 06:45

My parents are Mother and daddy and I'm nearly 40.

Yokatsu · 10/05/2018 06:47

Whether it's normal or not is totally irrelevant. It's really only a big deal if you let it be and if that's the biggest problem u have with your ex it really isn't worth making a fuss over

CowbellPopular · 10/05/2018 06:49

Definitely too old for "Daddy", he's right.

It has nothing to do with you though, it's between him and them.

channingtatumspecs · 10/05/2018 06:59

I'm 40 and call my Dad "Daddy" and Mum "Mumma" from time to time! Mostly they're Mum and dad but No one ever told me what they SHOULD be called

channingtatumspecs · 10/05/2018 07:03

@CowbellPopular to old for "daddy"? What is the cut off age just so I know ? 7.5 is still pretty young from my experience and I was unaware of the rules around this (as at 40 I still sometimes calls my own pops daddy!)

SoupDragon · 10/05/2018 07:04

Definitely too old for "Daddy", he's right.

Is there a written rule on This?

channingtatumspecs · 10/05/2018 07:05

@Bekabeech I call mine "mother" when I'm making a point ha ha

bookmum08 · 10/05/2018 07:10

What's he going to do - ignore them if they say Daddy?!
Maybe tell them to go for the annoying version -
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad"
(repeated over and over).

mathanxiety · 10/05/2018 07:13

You know you can be both Irish and posh?

Branleuse · 10/05/2018 07:16

i dont think the parent gets to decide. I think the child moves to it gradually in their own time. Its mean when a parent tries to enforce things like this, it looks like THEY are the ones that are embarrassed by their own children

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 10/05/2018 07:21

I think all of them are several years too old to be using mummy and daddy. If they’re young for their age that’s probably because you’re babying them in this way.

channingtatumspecs · 10/05/2018 07:23

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue I must've missed that parenting class what is the age cut off for mummy and daddy

nannybeach · 10/05/2018 07:28

My own dks and dgd desided when they were about 5, to say Mum and Dad instead of Mummy and Daddy, I gives me the creeps when adults say Mummy,Daddy, it sounds effected and childish. Incidentally my DHs Mother, is just that Mother, you wouldnt DARE call her Mum, she would consider it slang, and inproper. She is the scarey matriarch in charge of the family!

balsamicbarbara · 10/05/2018 07:28

Hmm no they don't have a "right" to call him whatever they like. One of the major rights we all have as individuals, parents or not, is deciding what we want other people to address us as, and encouraging someone to address someone else against their wishes is a terrible idea. If he wants to be Dad, so be it.

Shrodingerslion · 10/05/2018 07:29

Growing up I thought it was babyish as my ten year old does now. We are from the NE

Her half sisters from watford who are 18 and 15 still call their parents mummy and daddy.

Obviously I don’t see it as babyish now I am grown up and it should not matter.

A few of my friends have said oh how posh though when I talk about the girls visiting Daddy.

Rainydaydog · 10/05/2018 07:32

I just leave this up to my dd and she picked up that most people had started using mum and dad so uses that at school but still calls us mummy and daddy at home. I think it's like having pet names for people in the family, you might not do it round others but it shows affection.

ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 10/05/2018 07:36

What your children call your ex isn't really your business, is it? It's between him and his children.

Yes his girlfriend might have had a say, so what? He's an adult, if he chooses to be swayed by someone else's opinion, that's his choice to make.

You will probably have issues that are actual issues to deal with. Don't make a big deal out of things that are irrelevant, like this. Life will be much easier for you all if you don't.

fleshmarketclose · 10/05/2018 07:37

I think the Mummy to Mum and Daddy to Dad is usually led by the child though in my experience. My dc now adult and teen call me what they choose so I'm Mum/ Mummy/ Moot and Mutty depending which one is calling me. I called my own Dad Pops although I would refer to him as my Dad if I was speaking about him with someone else.
It seems a bit harsh of exh to demand they stop calling him Daddy tbh.

SecretIsland · 10/05/2018 07:37

Ah this has just made me think and I've just realised that neither of my oldest (8 and 10) have called me mummy for ages, it's morphed naturally to mum.

He's bu op, the change would probably have happened soon anyway.

Personally I would expect it to change to mum anyway though...I can't stand hearing adults referring to their 'mummy', it's cringey and very much a child's word imo. And makes me think of Little Britain.

PrettyLovely · 10/05/2018 07:45

I agree with secretisland makes me cringe too.

rainingcatsanddog · 10/05/2018 07:45

I think of someone super posh like Prince Charles.

Ohmydayslove · 10/05/2018 07:56

I think your annoyance is really about your ex and this GF wanting a sprog so you maybe magnifying a situation.

I remember at school back in the 70s us taking the piss out of a girl calling her parents mummy and daddy at 11. Maybe your ds was just thinking that might happen to your older dd but handled it badly?

I think most kids turn to dad and here in the midlands mom aged 8/9.

Perhaps have a breezy chat to them and make light of it. Don’t dwell although I can absolutkry understand your annoyance.

Allreadygone · 10/05/2018 07:57

What's wrong with calling him father?
I have a feeling that in the USA it is fairly usual to refer to fathers as Sir.