Child maintenance and swimming kit saga returns!

[itsveryquiet]

Link to previous thread

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He's driving me insane.

Swimming is now on the day of contact. So swimming kit goes home to dads and never gets returned. Apparently I've stolen too much from him and I owe him, so I am not allowed it back.

I've had to provide a new swimming kit every single week since Easter!!

He is a twat putting his child’s interest, well being and feelings after his own. How good a swimmer is DS? Could you get him on an intensive course so he reaches the required standard ASAP and doesn’t have to go? Stop paying the school for swimming lessons (it’s voluntary) to recoup some of the cost. When does he move to secondary and what does your solicitor say about moving schools?

Does your village / town have a local Facebook group? How about putting on there you need free old bath towels and swimmers because your ex snaffles them. A sort of name and shame but without being naming your ex. Word will get round and he will look like the arse hole you know him to be.

I’m getting stressed just reading this thread. So your stress levels must be through the roof OP. So sorry you’re having to deal with this.

A PP had a good point that they can remember their dad’s behaviour x amount of years on. My parents never split but I can remember details of their horrible behaviour 4 decades on and am now very low contact.

Best wishes OP, be strong

Link to original thread

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So sorry you’re having this rubbish. I’m with others that it’s probably better (for your DS and to annoy your Ex) to just buy a load of cheap trunks and towels.

Just hold on until your DS is old enough to have a say in whether he sees his DF.

I'd be complaining to the chair of governors about the way it's being handled

No - this is appalling. I would start writing to the head about it. With a lot of “as you know”s and “as discussed”.

“As you know, my former husband picks up my child on a xxxxday after swimming, and as a result of our acrimonious divorce, refuses to part with the swimming gear. The practical effect of which is, as I’ve explained, that I have to buy him a new pair of swimming trunks and a new towel every week. I have asked if the school could hold onto his swimming gear until the morning for me, but you have said no.

I am asking you to reconsider. My ex-husband now has (or has disposed of) 10 pairs of swimming trunks. You have intervened on ex-husband’s behalf, with pickup at a different door, so I am unconvinced by your argument that you cannot make special arrangements.

I am again asking you to allow DS to leave his swimming gear with the school office overnight. If you again refuse, I will be raising this with the governors and after that with the local authority / education ombudsman / local MP.

Is it true that he wouldn't be able to do pickups from the other school? Or would it just be slightly less convenient?

God, what a fucking twat. I have no practical advice OP, but couldn't not post in support. Men like this make me rage.

If it helps though, the silent treatment is exactly the right approach. Just imagine him stroking his steadily growing pile of mouldy swimming kit (cos he won't have washed and dried it!) and waiting for an exasperated call from you that will never come...

Longtall. Excellent letter. Great plan. Will def be email the school something along those lines.

Don't dribble. Yes, just more inconvenient but the court has the approach of "poor dad, he has to reply on public transport when mom sits there doing nothing with her car on the drive".

It's been such a long case, I can't be going back to court for this. I'd go insane.

If the school won't cooperate. I would go down the bulk buying identical kit and towels and not mentioning it. Tell DS that he doesn't have to worry about bringing it back. Your ex will gain little satisfaction if you don't seem to care. However, keep receipts and a record of what has happened so if you do every end up in court again you have proof.

I think at this point I would.

Complain to school and governors. If your complaint is passed on to your ex from school complain again.

Buy cheap trunks from somewhere like Primark for a couple of quid and a towel.

Sit back and laugh loudly at the fact that your ex hadn't got the attention he wanted by ignoring him.

Send most of that but involve the governors now. Don't wait to see what happens, send them basically the same letter

If he can issue solicitors letters for every single annoyance, then so can you! Get a letter sent to him, warning him that if he fails to return/provide swimming kit, then you'll be taking it further. Obviously it won't come to that because he can't ignore a solicitors letter

Do you have any good friends with children your child’s clas? Perhaps he could give his kit to another child to take home and you just collect it the next day?

For what it’s worth the school are being ridiculous.

How much do you suppose a solicitor's letter costs him? I bet you'd feel a bit better if you kept a tally of how much it costs for him to be such an arse.
Perhaps set a target and make a Blue Peter-style totaliser thingy?

I can sort of see the school's point on this. If he is standing in the classroom demanding the kit be handed over, then what do you really expect the teachers to be able to do about it, especially if he has a habit of kicking off? A teacher is not going to put themselves in a potentially volitile situation between feuding ex partners, no matter how ridiculous it seems.

As I said earlier - the OP could supply a 'spare class kit' which her DS borrows each week

No need to give the father the class kit - just a 'sorry he doesn't have one, he borrows ours' should be enough