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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinks at a wedding

96 replies

snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 15:28

Hi everyone, two friends are getting married this summer. Both of them earn good money (at least £100k between them and no kids yet, own their own place etc.). Obviously very excited and looking forward to the wedding but AIBU to be annoyed that they are making everyone bring their own booze? The wedding is in a field in the middle of nowhere, no parking, guests will have to walk over one mile to the marquee, carrying heavy bottles. Is this normal? Understand that not everyone wants to blow loads of money on just one day but this seems stingey when most people will be traveling over 100 miles to attend the wedding, spending money on transport, accommodation, only to then have to supply their own refreshments! Also if anyone brings nice booze, it’s going to get shared out amongst the whole wedding so it makes no sense to buy anything a bit fancy. I know it shouldn’t get me down but I can’t help be irritated by the whole thing.

OP posts:
wellBeehivedWoman · 09/05/2018 15:29

I don't think the B&G should have to have a free bar but does seem a total pain for you to have to bring your own under the circumstances! I'd have organised a cash bar if I were them (plus the usual free fizz and wine at tables!)

Gardai · 09/05/2018 15:31

Bring some fancy sports bottles filled with booze and pretend it’s water.

KirstenRaymonde · 09/05/2018 15:31

Yeh this is pretty cheeky. Great to have the option to bring a bottle if you like something particular, but they should definitely be putting on a good drinks spread as well, especially as in a field no one has the option to buy anything there.

KirstenRaymonde · 09/05/2018 15:32

Oh and you can hire mobile bars that can rock up in a field as well, so they could do something like that

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 15:33

I like the idea of the fancy sports bottles! @wellBeehivedwoman, agree it's not that I don't mind paying for booze - would be more than happy to pay for my own at a bar, it's more the hassle of having to schlep it through a field and then share it with everyone. I've been to lots of weddings where you don't get free drinks all night and it's never been a problem. more a logistics problem with this one I suppose

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 09/05/2018 15:33

They're making you share your drinks out?? I'd refuse. Explain that you've paid for this, nobody else has, so nobody else will be drinking it.

itallhappensforareason · 09/05/2018 15:34

I wouldn't expect anyone to fork out for all the booze regardless of how much money they earn or if they have children or not. I would however expect a welcome/arrival drink and then a glass of fizzy for the toast.

WowserBowser · 09/05/2018 15:35

They are making you walk a mile in a field?! Is no one wearing heels?

I know that isn't the point

OreoMini · 09/05/2018 15:36

Why have you got to share it?! Hmm if you bring it then it’s yours to drink! Put it on your table. If I brought a drink I like then I’m not going to let someone drink something I like and be left with there crap.

Why are they not doing some sort of pop up bar ? It sounds like a hassle to be honest.

baxterboi · 09/05/2018 15:37

The fact they earn “over £100k” is irrelevant. Not everyone wants to spend their money on getting their wedding guests drunk.

I’m getting married this year and just for a toasting drink and half a bottle of wine per head added £2.5k to the venue bill! I don’t drink so it smarts me a little more!

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2018 15:38

What do you mean you have to share it? Are they saying bring it and put it on thr table and everyone just helps themselves to what's on the table, as in the guests create the bar?

Personally I'd be more bothered about having to walk a mile across a field. And then walk it back. That's a total pain in the arse.

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 15:39

I think they expect people to bring spare shoes as well as heels which again sort of means everyone is going to be laden with stuff, a bit like going to festival which would be fine if I was still in my 20s or even 30s :-) I agree a welcome drink maybe one during the meal or toasts is more than enough but the opportunity to then buy your own should be provided. I'll sneak some gin in a hip flask or something ha ha

OP posts:
Ki0612 · 09/05/2018 15:40

In some ways it'll be good as it'll be cheap for you as wedding bars are expensive and you get to drink what you like but lugging it about would be super annoying and I wouldn't want to share it! I'd want to drink what I brought.

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2018 15:41

I'm slightlyhung up on the logistics. Will it be dark when it finishes? How will they walk back? Are you sure it's a mile? That seems an awful long way to make people walk.

WowserBowser · 09/05/2018 15:41

Why is it a mile in to a field? Why don't they have it by the edge Grin What a faff

10yearslater · 09/05/2018 15:43

Anyone else think a mile into a field is a slight exaggeration? Hmm

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2018 15:48

My mind is indeed boggled by thr thought of a marquee being erected a mile into a field. And then all the furniture and everything else required to host a wedding being manually carried a mile into a field.

I can't see how that's right.

expatinscotland · 09/05/2018 15:52

Don't go then! I don't mind BYOB, but demanding I share it out, too. Just no. Make up an excuse to be busy.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/05/2018 15:52

It sounds a poorly thought out wedding. Can you cancel?.

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 15:53

So I think the field is accessible by road, but the church is over a mile away and the plan is to walk from the church to the field, through the field rather than on the road, as it will be a pretty country walk type thing. Once the party is over everyone will be able to get taxis home from the road next to the field, so it's not like the tent people will have to carry all their gear over a mile or anything, just the guests on the way to the wedding. And yeah I think the plan is to effectively create a bar at the wedding from all the alcohol everyone brings with them.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 09/05/2018 15:53

It sounds like they would be better off with one of those pop up bars, which are not that expensive (as the owners of said bar make money by selling drinks). Have they just not thought of it? People who are not accustomed to organising big events might not know that such things exist. If you are close enough to them, why not have a word about the logistics?
Another option might be for people to club together and get eg a barrel of beer or some wine in bulk, then take turns getting it across the field.

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 15:54

I think i'm just going to take the booze i want in a cool box and not share :-)

OP posts:
Furano · 09/05/2018 15:55

Ugh that is a monumental pain in the butt.

How will guests keep their drinks cool? Will there be any soft drinks? Mixers? Will guests be sharing their drinks or guarding their £50 champagne so that no one else nicks a bit instead of drinking their £5 prosecco? Are they providing glasses?

Nightmare all round.

Much better to organise a proper pay-bar. Or you know, stop being English tight and have a free bar.

Do guests know thye have to walk a mile over fields? In nice shoes? Will it be dark when guests leave? What is the loo situation?

ReanimatedSGB · 09/05/2018 15:55

Ah, xpost. Get together with your mates and arrange an Ocado or similar - see what they have on offer (in terms of cases of beer/cider or by 5 bottles of prosecco and get one free). Then you keep the cost reasonable and get a minion to lug it to the reception venue for you.

WowserBowser · 09/05/2018 15:56

Wouldn't this mean everyone is in the church with their bottles of Lambrini and Hooch clogging up the aisles?