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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinks at a wedding

96 replies

snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 15:28

Hi everyone, two friends are getting married this summer. Both of them earn good money (at least £100k between them and no kids yet, own their own place etc.). Obviously very excited and looking forward to the wedding but AIBU to be annoyed that they are making everyone bring their own booze? The wedding is in a field in the middle of nowhere, no parking, guests will have to walk over one mile to the marquee, carrying heavy bottles. Is this normal? Understand that not everyone wants to blow loads of money on just one day but this seems stingey when most people will be traveling over 100 miles to attend the wedding, spending money on transport, accommodation, only to then have to supply their own refreshments! Also if anyone brings nice booze, it’s going to get shared out amongst the whole wedding so it makes no sense to buy anything a bit fancy. I know it shouldn’t get me down but I can’t help be irritated by the whole thing.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 09/05/2018 15:56

They should hire a bar. They shouldn’t have to pay for the drink but providing a bar would be much easier.

KirstenRaymonde · 09/05/2018 15:56

You think it’s the plan or you know it’s the plan?

Furano · 09/05/2018 15:56

Also if anyone brings nice booze, it’s going to get shared out amongst the whole wedding so it makes no sense to buy anything a bit fancy.

Fuck that.

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 09/05/2018 15:58

Sounds like a shitty wedding to be honest - more concerned with being 'alternative' and 'wacky' than actually considering the well-being and enjoyment of their invited guests. What are you meant to wear to a wedding in a field that you have to walk a mile to?!

ShowMeTheElf · 09/05/2018 15:59

So your friends have planned their wedding so that the ceremony and reception are within easy walking distance of each other, are providing entertainment, food and soft drinks, possible but not confirmed glass of bubbly for toast etc, and have said BYOB instead of booking a pay bar which would be more expensive for you, but you think they are being unreasonable?
YABU.
Just bring what you want to drink and stick a 4-pack of ale on the bar.

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 09/05/2018 16:00

The very least they should be providing is a golf buggy shuttle so you don't have to carry loads of stuff through the bloody woods like sherpas! Are none of their guests pregnant / elderly / have any problems walking etc?

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 16:01

@ReanimatedSBG that is a great idea, had not thought of that!!!! No idea re: the glasses / refrigeration set up, I assume they will have bought or hired glasses... that said I think they are planning on relying on family to do the catering, so all in all feelsl ike they have bitten off more they can chew. Of course I am sure it will still be good fun, whenever you are with friends it's just nice to get together really, just need to get over the idea of it being a hassle. thanks everyone for the thoughts, at least I am not alone in finding it a bit annoying

OP posts:
SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 09/05/2018 16:02

Just seen the update that the field is accessible by road - fill a wheely cool box with what you want to drink and drop it off at the marquee en route to the church, job done

fairislecable · 09/05/2018 16:04

A family member organised a wedding in a field they also intended to do their own bar. The drawback to this is the glasses for the toast etc.

It was more cost effective to have a bar and pay for initial drinks and wine with the meal and also less hassle.

The other cost was the toilets - these will be required - as 100 people in a field cannot just use the nearest tree!

Most people wore flat shoes or flip flops.

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 16:05

@wowserbowser YES to a bottle of hooch at the church, hee hee

Part of the problem is the wedding is coming up quite soon (weeks not months) and the actual plan hasn't been communicated to the guests. It does feel like an attempt to be a bit 'laid back' but the reality is it just makes it harder for the guests. I'm sure there will be lots of older folk there who might not manage the walk. Plus it might rain. Maybe one of those granny shopping trolleys is a good idea. Then we can carry booze, warm clothing, spare trainers etc

OP posts:
User467 · 09/05/2018 16:07

I'd quite happily take my own drink to a wedding, bars are normally a complete rip off. Unless you're planning on a crate of beer it's not exactly a lot to pop it in a bag. I think it sounds like it will be a nice relaxed day.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 09/05/2018 16:08

Agree with you. I wouldn't mind paying but bringing it to be shared out is annoying. You can guarantee some people won't have got the memo and will turn up empty handed. No one will bring anything nice since it'll just go in the pile so you'll end up with loads of bottles of cheap wine which might run out half way through the night.

Original poster
snowy2000 · 09/05/2018 16:09

well yes the thing is i have no idea how you'd organise a wedding in a field so really hats off to them for doing it their own way. And it's not for me to judge how they spend their wedding budget or how big their wedding budget is - just wanted to let off some steam i suppose. It's been interesting to read everyone's comments here.

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 09/05/2018 16:10

Yeah it does sound like they haven't thought of logistics... What about loos? Glasses? Are you going to be bringing your own? I get that at a wedding you shouldn't expect anything as you're there to celebrate the people getting married, but it sounds like a lot of effort and not very well thought out.
Might have been fun and laid back if you were in your 20s... Can't say I'd fancy it now...

And if it rains during the walk (and a mile is quite a long way for some people), then they're going to get soaked and muddy and cold.

Bettyfood · 09/05/2018 16:10

I'd bring my own in a cool bag and hang onto it.

sprinklesandsauce · 09/05/2018 16:12

If I took my own drink to something like that I would hold on to it. That's what happens if friends have parties that are BYOB. We all drink our own. I remember parties where everyone took something crap and drank the best stuff they could find but that doesn't seem to happen any more.

I would take a granny shopping trolley to drag everything in. I have one that I use for caravan holidays and it is great for hauling food from the car to the caravan.

I would hold onto my own wine/prosecco definitely and not put it on a table for a free for all.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 09/05/2018 16:12

Although I would ry and be helpful on the day and definitely not complain! Hopefully it'll be lovely! Just don't think the BYOB is the best idea.

GnotherGnu · 09/05/2018 16:12

I once went to a wedding in the middle of nowhere where they suggested we give booze instead of wedding presents. It worked well, but that was on the basis that they were happy for people to chuck in the money for them to order it.

letsdolunch321 · 09/05/2018 16:14

I wouldn't bother going. All that faffing around - no thanks !

TheFlis12345 · 09/05/2018 16:16

While I don't think the hosts have thought this through that well, is carrying a bottle of wine on a 15 minute walk really that arduous?

LoniceraJaponica · 09/05/2018 16:16

We prefer to bring our own as well. OH is a wine enthusiast and resents paying £45 for an indifferent bottle of wine at a hotel bar, which is what we paid at a Christmas wedding.

I think the main problem will be keeping drinks cool if you are lucky enough to have nice weather. Warm champagne anyone?

Also, there is no way we would want to share a decent bottle of wine. We would just keep it for ourselves. I like ShowMeTheElf's idea of bringing something nice for yourself and something cheap to share.

expatinscotland · 09/05/2018 16:18

Oh, I definitely wouldn't assume they're providing glasses or FA. I'd bring all my own shit in a rucksack and a pair of shoes to change into or wear practical shoes and even a picnic blanket. If I could be bothered to go.

diddl · 09/05/2018 16:20

You need a Bollerwagen to transport everything.

It's Father's Day here tomorrow & it's a tradition to go walking through woods with a Bollerwagen full of booze.
Like this

Not unusual to have a disposable BBQ as well!

ToadOfSadness · 09/05/2018 16:20

A bag with a pair of shoes and a couple of bottles is not going to be that heavy surely?

I wouldn't want to pay for people to get pissed and if my wedding had been later in the year it sounds like a good idea. I didn't pay for my guests to get pissed either, we went to a restaurant and instead of gifts people paid for their meal, we were on a budget, no cake either, no fancy dress, nothing extravagant or wasteful.

tradervictoria · 09/05/2018 16:20

I'm quite certain I'd be unwell on the day so not able to go, it sounds like hell.