Wanting to not send DD nursrey

[stressedmumm]

I have a very clingy little girl she's only turned two in December,

We have decided to send her to nursrey because I want to go back to work I have no family locally as they all live 2 hours away and we have recently moved towns so me and DP don't know anybody here,

We only want to send her three days a week, but because she's only ever been with me and her DD she's only close with us two

Iv been bringing her into a day care nursrey for the past 2 weeks I have been leaving her for 20 mins to settle her in but she's been crying from the moment I leave her up until I collect her

DP says I should give it time she will settle

But I'm getting so upset I hate seeing her upset or cry I rather keep her home till she's ready for school but DP says she will be the same then so it's best we send her now so she can get used to the environment now rather than later

I honestly don't know what to do

I feel like I need to go back to work because I hate not working but at the same time I want to stay at home with DD

Is this normal for some children to cry and not settle in

She's my only child and I am struggling to cope with seeing her cr

If anybody has gone through this or has any advice I would really appreciate to hear about it

TIA x

I read some study suggesting that before at least 3yrs old children were finding it very difficult to be away from their main caregiver. They may not express it (cry) but their stress levels rise quite a lot. So maybe best to wait? Just because she is clingy now doesn't mean she will be clingy in a year or two! She is still so young!

I think your plan sounds good op. How is she when left with her dad?

Nursery is only good for children of really inadequate parents, if you are a decent to good parent your kids are better off with you.

FFS. Could you be any more stupidly generalising and insulting?

I’d keep her with you until you feel she’s ready. They’re not little for long. Enjoy her and let her enjoy you.

Thankyou all for your replies honestly never expected to get this many really appreciate every single message,

I will be sticking to my plan, I never thought that she could be too young or not ready but I agree that she won't be young forever it's only another year and i will write up a times-table tmrw for me and DD so I can take her play centres and soft play and on DP day off he can take her out and I can have some time to myself,

She is also going though her "terrible twos" stage now, tantrums throwing her toys and not wanting to tidy up her toys with me or purposely jumping on the sofas/bed when I tell her not to she will smile and do it more but with her Dad she's well behaved she is very close with her dad too and when he's back from work she will be clingy with him more than me which does give me some time to myself,

But I know if this year I dedicate it to taking her to play groups and soft play and out and about more she will become more confident and will want to explore more,

I like the idea of leaving her to play in one room at home whilst I go out of the room Il try that aswell,

Sounds like a great plan OP

Don’t be shy about going to different playgroups - I was to begin with as well, but you’ll soon get to see the same faces and have a natter. Your little one is very lucky - she has a great mum!

Awwww Thankyou @Luisa27 that's sooo sweet Thankyou Hun

Yes definitely I was thinking il take DD tmrw and get some timetables for the local groups so I can plan out what days to take her

So happy Iv decided to not send her nursrey yet so no more tears lol

......perfect

Don’t forget to find out about pursuing an interest for yourself one evening - there are usually lots of clubs and classes advertised. Give yourself a bit of ‘you’ time

P.S. As others have said, don’t be worried if your DD doesn’t immediately rush off into the throng at playgroup - she may prefer to stay close to you for a while - and that’s fine - all 4 of mine are very different in that respect - ranging from sitting next to me quietly observing for the first few sessions, to leaping out of the buggy and running headfirst into a group of rather startled 2 year olds announcing “here I am everyone!” 😂😂

I think if you stick to your plans of taking her out to different places you will see improvements

Plan sounds good, more groups will help. If they're the same ones every week that will also help her confidence and show her that the routine of going somewhere is safe. Hopefully that will transfer to nursery when she's ready.

For you, could I suggest you get the mush or mummy social app on your telephone? It's like dating for mums so you can find friends with similarly aged children. I found them both very helpful and don't know what I'd do without the friends I met on them (mostly socially shy people like me!).

@stressedmumm It sounds like a good decision. FWIW, I forced myself out to playgroups, toddler groups, local library, coffee mornings, etc, etc when my DC were small (they varied in clinginess from being more or less surgically attached to me, to a determined 'Mummy not come'). 20 years later, some of my very best friends are still mums whom I first met at toddler groups.

She is never going to get any better if you coddle her. Of course she's going to cry, she will do that when she's 3 as well. It's got nothing to do with her not being ready, she will get used to it, you just need to give her enough time to. She's not being hurt and she will make friends and interact with her peers. If you keep her at home, you're reinforcing her clingy-ness. Nursery will be good for both of you.

you're really making a rod for your own back... Oh well...

@Claire90ftm bullshit. As a child carer in many different capacities for over 20 years and a Mother myself now I can say that's some of the biggest pile of crap I've ever read.

I had this with DD. I couldn't hack the sobbing so I hoiked her out of nursery and got a nanny instead. It didn't actually cost much more in the end and DD has always been happy and settled with the one to one attention. She's now started a morning a week at pre school and is fine when I leave her there so I think she just wasn't ready for a group setting when we tried nursery.

you're really making a rod for your own back... Oh well...

Gosh, you sound nice 🙄

I think you’ve made the right choice OP well done. My DD is EXACTLY the same. But now I’ve made a small group of friends and she sees their DCs she’s slowly coming out of her shell, very slowly mind! I too was toying with the idea of nursery but my gut was saying she’s not ready and wait till she’s 3-4. She’s 2.5 now and glad I didn’t push it.

FWIW my mum had to send me to nursery at that age as she needed to work, I absolutely hated it and would cry and cry. Eventually I settled and she said she found comfort knowing that I would never remember it when I was older. I wouldn’t tell her this now, but I do remember it.

I had this with my son- he cried and cried and would not settle and I hated it. I found a lovely childminder who he really settled with and then when he turned three I took him to nursery. He gets on great now and I'm confident that he will be fine when he starts school.

I think some children at two get on better in smaller settings- it was better for him and me to go to a childminder

Thankyou all for your advice and replies

Yesterday I took her to a play group and this morning I took her for only half hour (I wasn't feeling to well so didt stop long) she was clingy but she was happy I stayed with her not one tear lol,

Thankyou I didt know there was a app like that I will download it now and hopefully can make some mummy friends, I thought I will join the gym to have some "me time" or look into some classes so I can get some alone time away from DD & DP,

Aww I still remember when I went to play school & nursrey and even remember my first day of nursrey, DP finds it hard to believe that I remember but I do and I loved going I remember one or two occasions crying for my mom but I loved going and playing,