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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it easier being a SAHP, working PT or working FT?

112 replies

Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 07:29

I am currently a SAHM to a baby and preschooler and have lots of friends that also SAH, work PT or work FT. We often have debates about which option is the easiest for the parent.

So theoretically if you had the option of being a SAHP, working PT and working FT and all options had the same financial renumeration and career opportunities afterwards which one would you pick? Also, which one would your say would be easiest even if you don't want to pick that option for whatever reason?

Just for ease, let's say the job in question is average in terms of responsibility etc. I know no such thing exists, but of course this kind of exercise would have different responses if we were talking about being a brain surgeon or doing a relatively easy role. Also if you opt for the SAH role you are at home with a toddler and baby of average temprament.

OP posts:
TheHulksPurplePanties · 09/05/2018 07:31

I would choose FT work. Being at home all day would do my head in. So I guess saying that, it's harder being a SAHP.

ChessieFL · 09/05/2018 07:31

I don’t think it’s that simple because it depends what support you have. I work FT with a long commute and it only works because DH is SAHD. If he worked FT as well it would be a nightmare!

CMOTDibbler · 09/05/2018 07:35

If I could have a truly PT job (ie, not cramming ft job into pt hours, work not calling on days off, no travel leading to difficulties on usually non working days) then I'd do 3 days a week.
But as my job in no way resembles that, I've always been FT and it has worked out well

ConferenceBores · 09/05/2018 07:35

Yes, depends on the individual and the level of support. Being a sahp to a baby and a toddler is my idea of hell.

Instead of trying to determine who has it easier, why not make sure you are happy with your own choices?

NapQueen · 09/05/2018 07:37

With a baby and a toddler - work ft. Its easier!
Now mine are ft school and afternoons at nursery Id be a sahm in an instant.

Pt is the worst (ime having done all options) as you never feel like you give 100% to either; pick up most of the home slack; never get a proper break to yourself.

NC4Now · 09/05/2018 07:37

SAHP is easier in terms of getting everything done, having time to socialise etc. But working brings in extra benefits and rewards outside the home, greater sense of self etc.
If money was no object, I’d SAHP. Actually my favourite option is WAHP P/T.

Original poster
Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 07:38

True Chessie, support is also important for a SAHP. Eight hour days on your own with two kids is a different proposition than 13 hour days with no support.

For arguments sake let's assume that your DP would work average hours so would be out the house 8am - 6pm?

OP posts:
Furano · 09/05/2018 07:38

Surely that depends on what your job is like, what your disposition is like, what your partner is like and what their working life is like and what your children are like?!?

A totally individual decision.

Fuckthetodolist · 09/05/2018 07:39

SAHP.

I've done all three, and although SAHP can be grindingly dull at times, it is balanced out by not having to negotiate childcare, worry about taking time off when yet another bout of vomiting bug floods through the house, getting to stay in and do cosy home things rather than be out the door at 7am for a January morning commute in the pissing rain....

It obviously gets easier to work as the kids get older, but certainly for younger kids I found SAHM a lot easier.

BeyondThePage · 09/05/2018 07:39

I did SAHP til they started school, very PT (dinner lady) at primary school, PT at secondary.

Life has worked out well for us as a family that way - but only because DH earns "enough" to support all that, and likes having the stuff of life organised for him.

SparkyBlue · 09/05/2018 07:40

Different things suit at different times. I gave up a part time job as childcare was costing as much as I earned and all the rushing and running about was quite literally for nothing. When I only had one child that job suited me perfectly. Being a sahm is suiting our needs right now but I couldn't do this long term

Didiusfalco · 09/05/2018 07:40

I’ve tried all and sahp is definitely the easiest but working part time felt to me like it gave the best balance in terms of feeling like an autonomous person.

steff13 · 09/05/2018 07:43

YABU. There's no point to a question like this, other than to be goady.

JustMarriedBecca · 09/05/2018 07:44

I've done all three. Working FT didn't work for me at all but that is just my job. Being a SAHM didn't work either - I felt quite bored and missed work and the money. Working PT is the ideal but you then have to manage the juggle and accept you ultimately work FT but get paid PT. I'd like to limit the commute and work more from home but again, doesn't really work in my choice of profession.

Original poster
Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 07:46

Thanks for responses so far. Will do a rough tally soon

All those saying its important to be happy with your own choices and depends on various factors etc. Yes, of course, this is just a bit of fun really. It's obviously highly theoretical as financial factors etc would of course be highly influential in any real life decisions you make on this matter.

OP posts:
ConferenceBores · 09/05/2018 07:47

Ah yes, work are annoyed as I’m currently off with dc2 who has a vomiting bug :) the constant schlepping about to childcare gets old - I feel I’m always dragging tired children to and fro! I work ft, the parents that work part time always seem happiest.

Original poster
Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 07:50

steff13 I haven't read any responses that I have felt would offend anyone, so I don't see how this thread is goady. It's a theoretical question about a decision most parents make. I would expect varied responses as we are all individuals and find different things easy or hard.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 09/05/2018 07:51

Both DH and I work part time (one 3 days, one 2). We currently have DD age 2. This works really well for us. We get the advantages (to us) of being a SAHP: more time with DD, whoever is at home can cook etc (harder if you have a baby too I'm sure!) but we both still have the advantages of work: a break from the monotony of housework etc, adult company and so on. There are still disadvantages to this though, in that work is more pressured for both of us being part time and there would be less mess, chores etc if DD was in nursery!

Echobelly · 09/05/2018 07:52

I did work PT for a period when DD was little, I probably didn't make the most of it but it worked quite well for me.

How easy it all is depends on so much - how easy your kids are to look after, how they get on with each other, how much space you have, what support network you have, how much OH earns, living costs etc.

Singlebutmarried · 09/05/2018 07:54

I’m a SAHP who works from home now and again.

I left FT employment due to health reasons, I’d never intended on being a SAHM, I’d prefer to be out working, but can’t.

The work I do do is for our own business and it’s enlightening to keep my brain ticking over.

The rest of the time (to the outside world) looks pretty good as I can walk the dogs, get bits done all while DD is at school. In reality I’m sometimes so wiped out that nothing gets done and the house looks like squatters have moved in.

So ideally I’d be healthy and working 3/4 days a week.

PussCatTheGoldfish · 09/05/2018 07:55

I've been a sahm when the DC were little, worked part time when they started school and now do 6 days a week with DH in our business. (DC are still young primary age and it was never in the plan to be working so much, it's necessary at present though.)

SAHM was the easiest as I didn't have to be so organised.

Part time was good as I still had time on my own to get shit done, earnt money, saw grown ups and then had time to spend with the DC after school.

6 days a week is really tough. Only basics are done round the house, everything else is crammed in on the one day of 'rest'.... Really appreciate bank holidays now though!

Flutist · 09/05/2018 07:56

SAHP drives you insane. You have no time to be a person in your own right. Equally FT work doesn't leave enough time to spend with DC and manage everything at home. Imo PT is best because you have time for DC and still have some autonomy. Assuming your PT job pays enough to cover childcare and still make it worth working (realistically you need about £40k pro rata otherwise there's no point). Most people are not fortunate enough to be in that situation.

Camomila · 09/05/2018 07:56

I think it depends on your personality and your DCs personality.

I think SAHM with a bit of a break (ie couple of mornings at nursery) is probably the easiest. That's what I do and I'm really happy with things...the house gets cleaned or I study when DS is at nursery and when he's home I can spend my time doing fun stuff with him like going to the playground.

I've always found the 'office politics' side of working really stressful.

saison4 · 09/05/2018 07:56

I have done all three. Sahm, working full time and working part time.

IME, Sahm is really, really easy compared to having young DC and doing all the housework/cleaning/shopping/cooking/night wakings etc whilst working full time and commuting.

Working part time was definitely easier than working full time but not as easy as being a Sahm.

I never get when people say that being a Sahm is such hard work. After all, you are a day at home, no commute, no nursery/school run. there is only so much cleaning/cooking/laundry to be done in a day. Totally different to fitting these things in around a full time job, commute and the nursery/child minder runs.... I only went back to work due to financial pressures and finding working with having DC (one with very complex SN) frankly speaking hell. Sahm is definitely the easier option if you can afford it. At least this is my experience.

AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 09/05/2018 07:56

Being a SAHP makes it easier for everyone else.

It isn’t necessarily right for you.

I’ve been a SAHP and now as a WAHP it’s definitely harder, despite being ‘the holy grail’ of jobs as a single parent. (PT, can work what hours I choose).

My ideal is a PT WOH job.