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Original poster

Is it easier being a SAHP, working PT or working FT?

112 replies

Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 07:29

I am currently a SAHM to a baby and preschooler and have lots of friends that also SAH, work PT or work FT. We often have debates about which option is the easiest for the parent.

So theoretically if you had the option of being a SAHP, working PT and working FT and all options had the same financial renumeration and career opportunities afterwards which one would you pick? Also, which one would your say would be easiest even if you don't want to pick that option for whatever reason?

Just for ease, let's say the job in question is average in terms of responsibility etc. I know no such thing exists, but of course this kind of exercise would have different responses if we were talking about being a brain surgeon or doing a relatively easy role. Also if you opt for the SAH role you are at home with a toddler and baby of average temprament.

OP posts:
Prusik · 09/05/2018 08:58

I sometimes feel I have the worst of both worlds. Home with the boys in the day and work pt evenings (although currently on maternity leave). DH works ft and will be starting uni in September PT on top of his ft job (and our boys are only 12m apart so will be 9 months and 1y9m

BitchQueen90 · 09/05/2018 09:00

With DC under school age I'd say PT work. With school age DC then being a SAHP.

I have a school age DS and work PT school hours but I only do it cos I need the money. I'd love to be a SAHP and have the school hours as leisure time Grin

unintentionalthreadkiller · 09/05/2018 09:06

For me PT - best of both worlds, then FT and then SAHP if the kids were preschoolers. SAHP was not for me, I found it really hard.

Amanduh · 09/05/2018 09:08

Working is easier work wise, sahm is easier organisational wise!

mzcracker · 09/05/2018 09:17

I would rather be out working. Being a sahm is mind numbingly dull and thankless.
People undervalue your contribution and you're viewed as 'an unemployed, lazy scrounger' by many in our society.

Have been all 3 at various stages. I would say being a sahm is physically easier but mentally draining.

PaperTrain · 09/05/2018 09:21

I work FT but would like to be PT (even just one extra day off). I wouldn't be happy as a SAHP.

User467 · 09/05/2018 09:34

From my experience SAHM is the easiest. It's not my preference but I do think it's the easiest (assuming reasonable finances etc as you say)

Adding a job in makes it such a juggling act, especially when kids are sick, you're sick, busy times of year etc. If you're a SAHM you have a greater ability to be flexible, more time to take care of the tasks that need doing that a working parent still has to fit in to less time and you don't have the added pressure of a job to deal with. But, I would struggle mentally with being a SAHM and find part time work gives the best balance. I was fairly well into my career when I had kids and would have struggled to just give that up, even if there are days when I feel it gets too much. I don't judge anyone that does SAH, but I needed to keep a bit of the pre kids me. I worked FT for just over a year after having my first and it was by far the hardest in all respects and I wouldn't do it again.

So....on my opinion SAHM is easiest but PT work gives best balance

ChilliMum · 09/05/2018 09:38

Pt defiantly best of both worlds. I always thought i would want to be at home with the kids if i could choose and was briefly a sahm following a move. I thought i would do all the things i wanted to do when i was at work; lovely adventures, amazing art projects, grow my own veg, cook lovely meals from scratch. As others have said it's groundhog day and mind numbingly dull, I mostly spent the day on my hands and knees picking up raisons or scrubbing felt tip from the walls and pleading with a toddler to get dressed / go on potty / not eat dirt etc..

I think it takes a special person to be a sahm and I'm not it. I remember having coffee with a fellow sahm where we chatted for an hour about which supermarket we preferred and I knew I had to go back to work Grin

I am pt now and I love it but I am lucky as my job is quite flexible around school holidays. Also the school wraparound / holiday club is fantastic and dh is often able to work from home if the kids are sick.

bridgetosomewhere · 09/05/2018 09:38

Much rather be a SAHP if we could afford it.

Time to cook and clean properly. Time to exercise and walk the dog, meet friends.

Not have to worry about childcare and sickness and rushing. Be more chilled out and plan nice things. Be more organised!

But I couldn’t do that and put all the pressure on my dh.

Lethaldrizzle · 09/05/2018 09:41

Sahp - you have the rest of your life to work- the sahp years are so short, might as well enjoy them if you can afford to

Steeley113 · 09/05/2018 09:45

SAHM is the easiest by far. I’m currently at home with 3 kids age 5 and under and it’s way easier then juggling work/childcare/housework. Everyone is much happier and more relaxed, unfortunately for us finances don’t allow this to be permanent so I’ll be back to working weekend nights and being exhausted in September.

RiddleyW · 09/05/2018 09:48

So theoretically if you had the option of being a SAHP, working PT and working FT and all options had the same financial renumeration

So I'd get paid the same as I do now but I don't have to go to work? I feel like this is a complete no brainer? I'll not work thanks!

RockinRobinTweets · 09/05/2018 09:51

2 parents both working pt is a good balance if both pull their weight at home

1wokeuplikethis · 09/05/2018 09:53

When I was working PT I enjoyed having extra money in the family pot and a role outside of mother/wife and the novelty of asking someone to do something and them doing it (not like toddlers!) I also made more of my days with my child, going places and enjoying the time together.
On the downside I hated my job and working with knobheads and would always rant every evening. We could afford a cleaner so that took that pressure off. I missed my daughter and worried I was missing milestones and hated only having 2 hours with her before bedtime after a day at work.

I'm now a SAHM, eldest at school and feel knackered. I'm not sure I make the most of each day because there's more pressure to have the house clean and food prepared as I'm 'at home all day'. I feel more tired now than when I worked PT but that might be because I have two children to contend with and a house to run.
I'm grateful to spend so much time with my youngest and be able to do school pick up/drop off every day, also the nightmare of school holidays is easily solved. But I am struggling a bit with the mundane every-dayness of things and still feel I never have enough time to get everything done.

Another bonus though of being a SAHM is not having to deal with dickheads at work. But I literally never get a day to myself. You wouldn't work endlessly and never take a day off would you (that's theoretical of childless people).

FowlisWester · 09/05/2018 09:53

I work part time and love it. As tax is less I get a decent amount and means that I can treat the kids to days out etc without worrying. I am a teacher so school holidays are off so no childcare worries. I job share so I genuinely work part time so no trying to cram. I get to spend 2 days a week being just mummy and go to groups etc. My job is also very good in terms of time off for illness etc. Very understanding.
I couldn't stay at home all the time but equally they are only little once. I feel I get the best of both.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/05/2018 09:55

It somewhat depends on your individual circumstances and what you want from life.

Im a SAHM. I always wanted to be a SAHM. I don't mourn my career and I'm fortunate enough to be able to maintain my financial independence whilst staying at home. Me being home makes our lives easier as a family. Weekends are for fun time, no chores. Everyone's happy. Life would be much more busy and hectic if I worked.

However there are plenty of women who would be miserable without a career or who find themselves in a financially abusive situation by not working and for them life is surely easier having a job?

lola006 · 09/05/2018 09:59

Easy is so subjective. Does one love or hate their job? Is it high paid or just scraping by? Any kids with special needs or low maintenance? Etc etc etc

I love being a SAHP, especially now that my kids are all in school. I fill my days with cleaning, the gym, coffee dates, dog waking, cooking, errands, appointments. Not losing myself in the ‘mum’ role is important to me, and equally my husband who appreciates both what I do and the time I take for myself.

BUT...his income affords this. If we were pinching pennies to have me at home, no coffees, no gym, etc then maybe I would feel differently. It’s no easy but I enjoy it.

CurlyBlueberry · 09/05/2018 10:04

Honestly, FT working for me. I find being at home all day with the kids incredibly draining. There is way more tidying, cooking, cleaning to do. When I am out at work all day the kids are cared for elsewhere, and so the house remains in the same state I left it, needing only a light going-over... compared to when I stay at home and feel like I need to follow the kids with cleaning supplies if I want to keep the place looking nice. Also, as I am often doing long shifts, it means I actually get days off at home by myself without the kids (as they are in school or nursery).

I liked the balance of PT but for our household I think FT is actually easier. Mind you the kids are a little older now than the "toddler/baby" scenario.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/05/2018 10:05

When I am out at work all day the kids are cared for elsewhere, and so the house remains in the same state I left it, needing only a light going-over... compared to when I stay at home and feel like I need to follow the kids with cleaning supplies

I think a lot of people forget about this!

SundayGirls · 09/05/2018 10:06

They all come with their own unique pressures. SAHP is tough, not being part of a working community, feeling like you are overlooked/considered lazy/career has stalled. On the other hand you don’t have the work pressures as well as family demands. Maybe PT is the best but it’s hard fitting in everything and it a lot of jobs, reduced hours jeans squashing the same amount of work in less time. Maybe only jobs (such as shop, service or office work) where you don’t have to carry forward your work from one day, week or month to the next is best so you don’t take any mental work home with you or worry over what’s happening in your absence. But those jobs tend to be lower paid. So then you worry about money.

Any parent who’s putting their best efforts into whatever life choices or obligations they have all work equally hard and are valuable.

Deandre · 09/05/2018 10:08

I’ve done them all, whilst the others were also hard, and they were, being a SAHP is the hardest as it drains you emotionally too where at work you don’t have your emotions exercised on a daily basis, plus you go to the loo alone and have a 30 minute break for lunch

Sleepyblueocean · 09/05/2018 10:14

If I had the choice I would choose part time work but it would need to be very flexible and fit around my child including frequent time off with no notice and completely in school hours. I haven't come across anything like that.

thewalrus · 09/05/2018 10:22

Was SAHP until kids went to school. Now part-time, self-employed WFH (DH has demanding FT job, so I do lion's share of the house/kids/admin etc). Personally wouldn't want to have no work now that kids are in school. The benefit of what I do now is complete flexibility (I get a project with a fixed number of hours, say 35 over 2 weeks, and do it as and when I want). This can also feel like a drawback - my work has to be done whatever, e.g. when kids are ill, this winter's snow days, I still have to find the time. Wouldn't change the way things are, though as kids get older I may want a 'proper' job for a bit more social contact.
This stage is much, much easier than SAHP with pre-school kids!

Sweatymoose · 09/05/2018 10:22

PT if I had a choice.

I work FT now, child at school and it's a pain in the arse working around childcare and having to have time off when he's ill. I couldn't cope with being a SAHM, did it for a couple of years, it was mind numbing and I felt wasted. Found a fantastic PT job that was flexible when needed and gave me the added time I needed at home with DS. I jumped at FT when he started school and regret it, now I have a different position where PT would no longer be feasible. If I won the lottery tomorrow I'd sack work in and find something menial for a couple of days a week/volunteer.

Notso · 09/05/2018 10:24

SAHM is easiest for me. Was a bit tough with two under 2 but now all four DC are in school and I love life.
When DC1 was a baby I did full time in a nursery for a couple of months. DD was with me but not under my care so barely saw me. Most of my wage went to paying for her. She was asleep when we got there and asleep when we left, I got an afternoon off a week which was spent sorting out the house and batch cooking.
I've worked part time in an easy but boring job. It was dull, physically tiring and the money wasn't great.
I worked 9-3 term time only which is allegedly a dream job but found I didn't get any time to myself. Was always rushing to drop kids off/pick them up then catching up with household stuff/homework/activities after work. Then obviously had the children in the holidays. Could rarely make plays/sports days etc which upset the children and found it hard if they were off school sick.