Is it easier being a SAHP, working PT or working FT?

[Bumpitybumper]

I am currently a SAHM to a baby and preschooler and have lots of friends that also SAH, work PT or work FT. We often have debates about which option is the easiest for the parent.

So theoretically if you had the option of being a SAHP, working PT and working FT and all options had the same financial renumeration and career opportunities afterwards which one would you pick? Also, which one would your say would be easiest even if you don't want to pick that option for whatever reason?

Just for ease, let's say the job in question is average in terms of responsibility etc. I know no such thing exists, but of course this kind of exercise would have different responses if we were talking about being a brain surgeon or doing a relatively easy role. Also if you opt for the SAH role you are at home with a toddler and baby of average temprament.

PT job is the dream! If only!!!! SAHM is the worst imo. I'm looking forward to going back to work, and that's saying something as I don't like my job.

I work OR, lucky that I'm on a good salary and I enjoy what I do. Would hate to be a SAHM, although maybe if they were both at school it would be easier to get all the things I want to do done . .

My ideal would be for me to work FT and DH to work PT. At the moment we both work FT, albeit with a lot of flexibility. It works reasonably well but we do struggle a bit with fitting in homework etc. I enjoy my job whereas DH is not particularly bothered by his, so it would make more sense for him to cut his hours.

Having said that, both working 80% across 5 days would also be a good option so that we can do more school pickups.

I wouldn’t want DH to be a SAHP as, all other things being equal, I don’t think the 1 parent WOH FT and 1 parent SAH set up is anthing to aspire to these days. Far better to aim for both parents having a good balance of family and work time.

I should add that both parents working FT with no flexibility and long commutes would be the worst scenario and not one that I would contemplate, particularly with School age DC.

I'm WFH, probably PT (I work for myself and determine my own hours), whilst DH works FT and WFH two days a week.

For us, this is probably the ideal set up.

All other things being equal part time is perfect. Money has never been my god and I want some time to enjoy life and spend time with DC. Three days would be perfect for me.

ive done all three with small children. being a sahm was really hard, no family support, unsettled, difficult times with the children and trying to get them engaged with a toy for 5 mins while i shoved some laundry in the machine. i hated it so much that i went back to work to at a net loss!!!
both parents working FT is exhausting when you have only got yourselves to do pick ups and have jobs that involve travel every for both of you.
working part time worked best but meant saturday mornings were given up to housework (children with one, jobs with other parent).
if i had different parenting skills, i might well have continued as a sahp but i just found my children's ratty, unhappy and only playing when supervised or with a parent just too draining and made me not a nice person.

I have done all of them.
Working full time (ie 37 hrs a week) 25 mins from home to one primary age child was easiest to me.
Working full time with a baby and toddler was hardest.
Working 30 hrs a week with 2 primary was second hardest.

I have primary school age DC and work FT and comI envy my SAHM friends and acquaintances day to day, and time with their DC, but don’t envy their labour market position or (apparent) financial dependence. They might all have their own assets, of course.

potential changes in divorce settlements (eg no spousal maintenance after a few years) seem negative for SAH and PT mums.

I'll add my vote which is for working PT being the easiest. I think it would provide the balance a lot of people crave. I actually find the hardest element of being a SAHM is the monotony and relentless of it all and the lack of proper mental stimulation. I think working PT would tackle that issue without taking you away from the kids too much.

Totally depends on so many factors... money, support, stress levels, what type of kids you have (!)...

I have done it all. Full time very demanding job. SAHM with no ‘job’ at all. Part time.

I now do part time and for the first time in my life I feel I have a proper balance. Staying at home full time with two school age DC just sit not sit right for me personally. But FT didn’t work for our family either. I am hugely lucky to have carved out a PT role that works well for all of us. I know that’s not something everyone can do and I never take it for granted.

I've done all 3.

SAHM was mentally difficult. It was often lonely and isolating. Lack of self worth perhaps and loss of identity a bit.

Worked PT and it was the perfect work/life balance. Gained a bit of myself back. Independence away from the DC. Bit of extra money coming into the family pot. When not working I went out for a run, did some yoga or swimming.

I now work full time. I'm hanging on by a thread, my anxiety is horrific, my workload is unmanageable and I don't get a second to myself. My running, yoga and swimming have all stopped and I've gained a lot of weight as a result. I often feel like I'm desperately drowning. I'm constantly utterly exhausted.

So all in all, PT gets my vote!