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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it easier being a SAHP, working PT or working FT?

112 replies

Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 07:29

I am currently a SAHM to a baby and preschooler and have lots of friends that also SAH, work PT or work FT. We often have debates about which option is the easiest for the parent.

So theoretically if you had the option of being a SAHP, working PT and working FT and all options had the same financial renumeration and career opportunities afterwards which one would you pick? Also, which one would your say would be easiest even if you don't want to pick that option for whatever reason?

Just for ease, let's say the job in question is average in terms of responsibility etc. I know no such thing exists, but of course this kind of exercise would have different responses if we were talking about being a brain surgeon or doing a relatively easy role. Also if you opt for the SAH role you are at home with a toddler and baby of average temprament.

OP posts:
Ariela · 09/05/2018 08:05

Self employed working from home, with the flexibility to work whenever you want to.

Original poster
Bumpitybumper · 09/05/2018 08:11

Ok so far I make it:

2 votes for FT working
6 votes for PT working
4 votes for SAHP

Some responses didn't give a definitive answer so I discounted them. Counted using my phone so might not be totally accurate

OP posts:
shebagthehag · 09/05/2018 08:15

After 7 years as a sahm I'm back at work full time and so would say sahm is definitely easier for me ... part time would be lovely night now!

grasspigeons · 09/05/2018 08:17

How 'easy' any of those options is depends on your support and health.

Adversecamber22 · 09/05/2018 08:20

I are done all three. My PT wage was very decent and as much as my friend working FT. I also had a cleaner.

PT was my favourite, I worked 5 days a week but could always collect my DS after school. His Das did the morning school run and also got him ready for school. .

PeonyTruffle · 09/05/2018 08:21

I am PT, I do 3 days a week in a job I don’t enjoy to earn a crappy wage.
Our ds is 3, is currently mornings in nursery and starts reception in September.

I will stay PT for a few more years because a) I want to spend time with him whilst he’s little (he will be our only one) and b) childcare costs are astronomical, I work 3 days and my DH works 4 (he does compressed hours so 4 loooong days) so we only need childcare for 2

I’d give anything to be a SAHM, like PP said I feel like I don’t do either job properly and being stretched in so many directions. I’d happily quit today and be at home with him until he’s older but unfortunately we need the money

JoandMax · 09/05/2018 08:25

It’s hard to answer definitively as so many variables.

My first year with DS1 was easy, he fed and slept relatively well, very happy content baby.

My first year with DS2 was exhausting, he was very ill, tube fed, never slept more than an hour at a time, DS1 less than 2........ So that was hardest physically and mentally than anything else I’ve ever experienced!

SemperIdem · 09/05/2018 08:26

Working FT, I find difficult.

I loved being a SAHP and would even more so now as my child is at the sort of age where you can really do things with them and then enjoy it (rather than waiting for naps to finish etc).

Working PT would be my ideal but finding the right job is easier said than done.

LannieDuck · 09/05/2018 08:32

If you have a SAHP, and youngest are below-school age, FT work is definitely the easiest. Esp if SAHP does all the housework!

Once kids are at school, I guess SAHP becomes a lot easier.

If you're a single parent (or your other half works FT and won't drop hours), it would be a lot easier to be SAHP.

So, it depends:

  • If you have a SAHP
  • How much housework they do / expect you to do
  • How old the kids are, and how many there are
Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 09/05/2018 08:33

For me it would be sahm as I know I’d enjoy it more so it would feel easier. I’ve worked full time and part time and hate leaving my kids with other people which in turn just adds to the stress of having to go to work

LannieDuck · 09/05/2018 08:34

"If you're a single parent (or your other half works FT and won't drop hours), it would be a lot easier to be SAHP."

That's phrased badly. I don't mean it would be easy to be a SAHP, I meant the inverse - that it would be harder to be FT, and SAHP would be easier in comparison to that.

whatithink · 09/05/2018 08:36

I chose to be a SAHM when children were little and luckily we could afford it. I actually wanted a break from work and the long commute and quite honestly as I was an older mum (early 40's) and had a terrible sleeper I know that I just couldn't have coped with work in those early years.

Also husband happy that I could do all the household/admin jobs and and that made life easier for him when he was not at work.

As the children got older I worked part time which I still do now. Whilst husband does help out with housework etc. sometimes I do feel it is hard to keep on top of housework/gardening etc.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to work full time and have more money so I could afford a cleaner/gardener/ironing person and then have my weekends and evening free.

As people have mentioned about though, it depends on how much money you earn and how much other support you have. People working part time and earning more than people working full time etc.

Vixnixtrix1981 · 09/05/2018 08:39

I had 12 months maternity leave, worked 9 years part time and am now full time.
Working PT was the best for me, a good work/life balance, I still got to pick DS up from school/drop him off and had a Friday at home to do all my housework/jobs.
FT is hard work when you're a single parent and there just never seems to be enough hours in the day, but I can't financially go back PT, bums :(
I couldn't stay at home, that would drive me insane.

coffeeforone · 09/05/2018 08:40

I think PT work would be the best option. I work FT and I think it is easiest. Being a SAHP would be hell for me or DH. Need to work to keep sane!

HairyToity · 09/05/2018 08:41

Done all three. If children school age SAHM definitely easier. I found full time hardest.

Part-time and SAHM depends on child and support network. My oldest is very full on, and I found work easier. Second is a very chilled little boy, plays on his own, sleeps well in the day and at night, and I think SAHM would be easier. Especially as big sister is school age.

AornisHades · 09/05/2018 08:41

Part time work was my choice. Best of both worlds in my opinion.

Believeitornot · 09/05/2018 08:42

Based on my own current circumstances, SAHP would be better. The toddler/baby stage is over so quickly anyway, and I struggled at that stage.

When they get to school, it’s much much harder working if your job is inflexible or requires a long commute. All the School events, homework, finding childcare for the holidays, what happens when they’re ill and you get a call to collect them etc etc.

I’m my view SAHP to school aged kids is the dream.

Kahlua4me · 09/05/2018 08:43

I work pt at home with dh as we run our own business. It does suit me although I do get bored and distracted at times!

As I am at home others assume I am free so I end up doing lots for other people, hospital runs, errands etc. Not that I mind at all but if I was working it wouldn’t happen, it’s good as it often involves a chat over coffee and cake.

I have considered getting a job as dc are now in their teens but as it works for us as a family I am in no hurry. Sure the extra money would be good but it’s also good to be around for dc to help with studies, listen to their woes etc, and to enjoy simply being with them.

On the whole I am pleased with working pt at home as I can choose my hours and it’s very flexible.

InterstellarSleepingElla · 09/05/2018 08:44

I've done all of those - full time working single parent, part -time working single parent and now a married SAHP (through necessity not want) and personally for me being a a SAHP is awful - I love spending time with my children but not every waking minute of every waking day! Unfortunate due to a teen with additional needs who is currently not in school and a 3 year old who is possibly on the spectrum (though she does go to nursery 2.5 days a week) I can't work (husband currently has better earning capacity). I personally would love to work part-time to get best of both worlds.

beepbeeprichie · 09/05/2018 08:48

Interesting question. Probably depends on a number of variables including level of stress/ responsibility at work, hours at work, work required to be done at home in the evenings/ commute etc.
I agree that PT is the worst of both worlds in certain circumstances; often if you have a role that requires continuity and responsibility cannot be handed off to another team member then PT equates to PT wages for FT responsibility.
SAHP is tough- at least for pre school times- but it doesn’t have the unrelenting pressure and stress and backstabbing aggro that work does. Once children are at school I cannot imagine that SAHP is even comparable to FT work! Being there to do school runs, homework, not having to worry about holiday coverage or sickness. Definitely easier than work!!!

InterstellarSleepingElla · 09/05/2018 08:49

Oops completely missed the actual point of thread, just went on my own random waffle!

Anyway, based on your OP I would still opt for part-time work. You get time with your children and you get time to interact with other adults not revolving around children (eg toddler groups) and get to be you not just Mummy.

LaurieMarlow · 09/05/2018 08:52

I agree that the whole premise of the question is wrong as you can't compare highly individual circumstances but at a very broad level I'd say ...

SAHM is easiest because that means there's a whole level of logistics and demands (employer and client) that you don't have to factor in. However, it's true that some aren't temperamentally suited to it.

Working part time is probably optimal in that you get some of the advantages of both WOHM and SAHM while minimising the disadvantages.

JaceLancs · 09/05/2018 08:56

Stay at home for me - roll on retirement!
I stayed at home till DC were 3 and 4 and loved it
Worked part time till they were 11 and 12
Full time since
I have been a lone parent since they were 3 and 4

FranticallyPeaceful · 09/05/2018 08:56

I’m a FT (from home) working SAHP and it isn’t too easy at times, also Home educate my two kids (although we also have tutors and a tonne of websites we pay for, plus groups, so it isn’t as hard as it sounds I suppose) plus we have one on the way, and a Saint Bernard who’s basically an extra child!

I think it depends on the person, I found being out at work bored me to tears, very easy and straight forward but I was missing something, I also found being a STAP when my kids were in school and I didn’t work used to also bore me/I didn’t know what to do with my time and make me feel headachey... so I decided to work from home, which was great, then we had to Home educate the children, but I felt a little void in places as it really isn’t that difficult once in a routine - so started working from home too. It works for us! It isn’t the easier option but for ME i find it the easiest to cope with.... if that makes sense?!

JaceLancs · 09/05/2018 08:57

Forgot to add - did do a bit of paid work at home when DC were little
I also supplement my income in many other ways and have always had to