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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

should I shave?

632 replies

TotHappy · 07/05/2018 14:33

This has been niggling at me for a while.

I'm 31. Been with dh nearly 14 years. My shaving routine used to be:
Underarms - most days, might get a bit stubbly if I left it for a few. Probably take care to shave them before baring them to swim/sunbathe.
Legs - only really bothered for a night out, so maybe shaved once a month. More in summer, but def not every day - maybe for an 'event' or a beach day. An event might include a sexy night in, but they certainly weren't smooth at all times and I didn't care.
Vag - never. Or maybe once or twice as an experiment, never liked it, hate the feeling, find it uncomfortable plus too much faff.

Then when I got pregnant (daughter is nearly 2 now), stopped shaving pretty much everything. Initially, morning sickness and generally not leaving house, later size of bump. Sexy times were non existent anyway as dh stopped sexual activity once I was pregnant - which I was very upset about.
Shaving has never resumed post partum - I will still occasionally do it for a night out/special event but not always, and of course nights out are a lot rarer now with DD. My solitary baths when I could quickly do my underarms are long gone, DD baths with me so no razors in the bath, and when I do get the odd solitary bath I cba with how long it would take as underarms now a good inch long.
I just don't care any more, even as much as I used to, about what people think. If I go swimming or to the beach, I dont feel the need to de-hair first. I think this is a lot to do with giving birth in front of five strangers - personal things somehow seem a lot less personal!

My issue is dh has brought up me not shaving a few times and I feel very uncomfortable about him doing that. After an argument once he said, as part of a rang about how I dont care, 'you dont even shave your legs anymore', quickly followed up by 'not that that's important, but it just shows that you dont care', to which I was Confused as I was never in the permanently-hairless-legs crew, ever, and in any case the reason I had reduced the number of leg shaves was because I had reduced the numbers of nights out, end of!

The other day, he was giving me a foot massage and commented 'whoa, how hairy are your legs?!' I think I responded with a Hmm and a 'quite hairy', and he followed up with 'what about your armpits? Have you shaved those lately?' Or similar.

He has also said several times in the past that he prefers a shaven vag. I've said I dont like the feel of it so dont plan to dp that regularly, but have on the very odd occasion got a bikini wax/Californian wax. Last time he didn't even notice as he wasn't up for sex for the whole 6 weeks it was evident, so that was a waste!

I feel really quite miffed that he thinks I should shave because he prefers it. I suppose I have two questions:
A) AIBU to manage my body hair in any way I want without reference to him and
B) what do most people here do? I know most of my friends do shave with some regularity. I know my mum never did. So possibly a generational thing, but as I grew up with my mum as a role model, I feel totally comfortable either way. I feel very uncomfortable with the comments I've sometimes seen on social media about not shaving being 'dirty' or 'unhygienic'.

Thoughts??

OP posts:
LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 07/05/2018 20:12

If we all shaved our heads to a bristle....stuff like nits would disappear sharpish.

Strangely no one seems to advocate shaving all womens heads in the name of "hygiene".

Funny that.

balsamicbarbara · 07/05/2018 20:13

If women holding feminist views here are "bots" you better call Google up because we have some seriously amazing AI to keep up with these conversations!

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 07/05/2018 20:15

Love the fact someone thinks I'm a bot!

Ahhhh......

SmileEachDay · 07/05/2018 20:16

does the Robot

sugaraddedlater · 07/05/2018 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:17

It doesn’t sound to me as though the OP has ‘stopped caring’. I think it’s more that her feelings have changed with regards to adhering to societal expectations.

I feel similarly. In my late teens and early twenties, I’d have probably seen hairy armpits as a bit ‘gross’ or ‘weird’. I wasn’t a feminist then (knew very little about it and would probably have labelled feminists as hairy man-haters).

But I’ve changed my view. Why assume that people are going to want to do the same things at 30, 40 or 50 as they did when they were 20?

SmileEachDay · 07/05/2018 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Branleuse · 07/05/2018 20:18

im a fembot

PhilODox · 07/05/2018 20:19

This reply has been deleted

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waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:19

‘Lazy bitch.’ Oh dear sugar, that’s not very nice, is it? Why on earth would you think it’s ok to call women lazy bitches for exercising their right to do what they want with their bodies? The more time you tell us to shave, the less likely I am to shave ever again.

waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:20

I am LOLLING at does the robot and fembot

waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:20

🤖

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 07/05/2018 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:21

sugar, also, I don’t think it’s possible to ‘sound hairy’. 😆

SmileEachDay · 07/05/2018 20:23

Oh I dunno water - if one was hairy enough you might sound a bit rustley?

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 07/05/2018 20:23
balsamicbarbara · 07/05/2018 20:24

To be fair it does sound like OP isn't "getting" her man thanks to this issue.

sugaraddedlater · 07/05/2018 20:24

People don't always shave their bodies for other people. I shave regularly because I want to, I don't like having a lot of hair and I always feel better after I've shaved my legs. The point I'm trying to make is she knows her husband doesn't like it so why not compromise and shave a little more? If her husband had facial hair and she didn't like it and she asked him to shave, it's the same thing.

notoriousnames · 07/05/2018 20:24

AIBU
Should I shave
YABU
Yes you should shave

Branleuse · 07/05/2018 20:24

this is actually hilarious

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 07/05/2018 20:25

Oooh my pits def rustle when waved about.

Also my no1 shaved head makes an awesome velcro sound when rubbed.

Maybe that's what they mean?

waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:26

It is Bran! The robot tangent is very funny 😂

SmileEachDay · 07/05/2018 20:26

sugar

I’m fairly sure you said that not shaving means you’re a lazy bitch. It is, therefore, fairly difficult for me to take anything else you say remotely seriously.

sugaraddedlater · 07/05/2018 20:27

It is lazy simple as.

waterlego6064 · 07/05/2018 20:28

Smile, I was about to reply to sugar’s latest (suddenly mild-mannered) post. And then I remembered that she is happy to call other women lazy bitches for no good reason so I’m not going to bother.