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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To “make” my kids be vegan?

315 replies

Sarcy · 07/05/2018 11:03

About 3 years ago I decided to become vegan, my two youngest are being brought up vegan. Whilst my 4 older kids made the decision for themselves. One of them decided about a year ago that he didn’t want to be vegan anymore, at friend’s houses or when he’s out with friends he’ll eat meat but at home I don’t let him. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m wrong for “forcing” my kids into this or not letting them backout easily. This isn’t the case but I made sure DS had truly thought about it before deciding not to be vegan. I’m just trying to understand what makes people think it’s wrong to raise children on a vegan diet, surly giving your children meat is much worse

OP posts:
idontknowwhatimdoing · 08/05/2018 08:43

Really funny how everyone assumes that every vegan is an activist- I keep myself to myself! It's ridiculous

littlepeas · 08/05/2018 08:55

Totally agree idontknow - I just want to live peacefully, which includes Veganism for myself, but does not include getting myself wound up about what other people do. I have unfollowed people on Instagram for activism, I really have no time for it.

Branleuse · 08/05/2018 08:56

My mum has been vegetarian ever since I was tiny and she never forced me to be veggie. She would never buy or cook meat for me, but i was allowed to eat meat elsewhere.

I think it would be super controlling and wrong to force your kids to adhere to your diet when theyre not with you, when theyve said clearly they dont want to.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 08/05/2018 09:13

On these threads, I love how someone always claims that vegan diets for children will make it impossible for them to ever to be able to digest meat, while others insist that children brought up vegan will inevitably become passionate meat eaters in order to rebel.

Don't these prophecies conflict a bit? They can't both be true, can they?

Or, perhaps, just perhaps, we're all individuals, bringing up our own individual families in our own individual way, and it works out differently for all of us.

Let's consider smoking, as an analogy. Meat is not a tobacco, but it is something that many people hold strong views on. When I was growing up, most parents told their children not to try cigarettes, in their own individual way. Sometimes, for whatever combination of reasons, it didn't work and their teens rebelled and did take up smoking, and in other families, for whatever combination of reasons, their teens listened and refused to try cigarettes.

I wouldn't give up on telling my teens not to smoke just because Mrs Smith's son down the road rebelled in a big way when she told the same, so why should the OP assume that it is inevitable that her children will choose to eat meat?

princesspeppax · 08/05/2018 09:21

Im vegetarian and would never ever push is upon my DCs who both eat meat, it is entirely there choice

Starlight2345 · 08/05/2018 09:53

It isn’t for me the vegan diet itself but you say it was his choice . So you listened to his choice but only because it suited your beliefs.
Now he is older and experienced both so actually is in a position to make an informed choice you are not listening to him because it doesn’t suit your values if the last 3 weeks.

You say he chooses vegan but I would imagine he already knows you won’t buy it

Nat6999 · 08/05/2018 10:31

Any vegan who says that they aren't controlling but then starts shouting about calves being slaughtered & chicks being killed because they are the wrong sex? Isn't that trying to force your views on to others? I'm a meat eater but I don't go round shouting about it, if you want to be a vegan that's up to you but don't push your ideals on to others & let your children make their own minds up, let them eat meat & dairy if they want to, & don't brainwash them by telling them horror stories about how meat & dairy products are produced, do you tell them what happens to vegetables to make them stay fresh longer in the shops or the processes that pre washed vegetables go through before they are packed?

idontknowwhatimdoing · 08/05/2018 10:35

Nat is that honestly your experience of vegans? I have never met a vegan like that?! Of course you get the odd ones on social media sharing things but don't you get that on lots of different views?

KhalliWalli · 08/05/2018 10:53

Any vegan who says that they aren't controlling but then starts shouting about calves being slaughtered & chicks being killed because they are the wrong sex? Isn't that trying to force your views on to others?

But that's not a view, it's a FACT Hmm.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/05/2018 10:55

Depends a lot on age of kids and whether you can be 100% sure they will still get all the nutrients they need.

Son of an acquaintance of mine was obsessively, evangelically vegan - his kids HAD to be vegan once BF was done with, i.e. from when they were still just babies.
Both were then measuring undersized for years - esp. given that their father is very tall - maybe they still are, though I have lost contact with the Granny. It was certainly very worrying for her.

LP17 · 08/05/2018 11:00

@Sarcy I think it's fair that DS can have what he wants when he is out, but when he is at home he should eat whatever is being provided for him. When he is old enough to be buying his own food, I think he should be able to have what he wants, as long as he doesn't expect you to prepare it for him if you are vegan for ethical reasons. I'm vegan & TTC - that is the way I would like to raise my children but I do think they need to be able to make their own decisions as they grow up.

All parents 'force' their diet on their children - it's just that meat is the 'norm' and people love to hate on vegans. Do what's best for your family.

Nat6999 · 08/05/2018 11:09

Idontknowwhatimdoing I sat next to a vegan at work, the comments & looks of disgust I & the rest of my colleagues got if we happened to be eating our lunch at our desk & daring to shock horror eat meat you wouldn't believe, one of the managers was a dairy farmers wife & the vegan treated her terribly & showed her no respect. Meat eaters are expected to respect vegan views, why can't vegans do the same to meat eaters?

LP17 · 08/05/2018 11:13

Such massive amounts of bull on this thread about the poor nutritional profile of a vegan diet.

Like any diet, it has to be well planned to ensure that children receive the correct nutrients. None of you can honestly say you think feeding children chicken nuggets, beans and waffles for their dinner would be better for a child than a curry with a variety of veggies and pulses just because it contains meat??

Yes, there are processed vegan alternatives for meat/cheese - these are not essential to a vegan diet and are generally as poor for your bodies as the processed meat/dairy counterparts (including those that contain hormones to make animals grow much larger than they naturally would). I think the carnivores on this thread need to get down off their high horses and do a bit more research before automatically assuming they know best.

Things you have seen in the press about children becoming malnourished on a vegan diet are from idiot parents who feed their young babies almond milk thinking it has the same nutritional value as formula milk, which it obviously doesn't. There is so much information out there for parents about how to provide a nutritionally balanced diet for their children there is no need for the level of ignorance on this thread. Plenty of children thrive on a vegan diet at least as well as other types of diets, and most research suggests this will reduce (not eliminate) the risk of them developing specific diseases when they are older.

DGRossetti · 08/05/2018 11:15

Funnily enough I just caught this on the radio when I saw the thread title ...

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b1r1d4

Seems plants do have feelings after all ....

Corkscrewbetty · 08/05/2018 11:21

The thing is... vegans really believe in what they're saying... and by "forcing" their views onto others, they're hoping for change. The "horror stories" are true. They're not making that stuff up. Non-vegans don't like it because they feel guilty (or should do). It's much like people "banging on" about female circumcision... should we respect the views of those who want to perform this practice? Paedophilia - is it a sexual preference like all others... or should those of us against it try to "force" our views onto others? It wasn't always illegal and still isn't in some places. Should we respect the views and choices of those who want to take a child bride? Or bang on about it? I don't understand it when the word "respect" is bandied about. We are not obliged to respect those who are doing something we disagree with. I don't respect hunters, wife-beaters, people who smack their children, racists... there are loads of people whose opinions I don't respect. And nor do I demand respect of mine.

Nat6999 · 08/05/2018 11:43

Corkscrewbetty if the "horror stories" are all true then why aren't the abattoir workers, butcher's & animal breeders all vegans? If it was that sickening then surely they would never eat meat or animal products again. I've been inside a food factory & after seeing how a particular product was made I would never eat one again (this product didn't contain meat)

idontknowwhatimdoing · 08/05/2018 11:45

nat well then I'm sorry on her behalf. Because that's not what the majority are like. I don't preach to anybody and I just live my life the way I want, which at the end of the day is what we are all trying to do.

LiteraryDevil · 08/05/2018 11:45

I'm veggie and have been for 27 years or so. My three kids are also veggie and it's agreed they can choose for themselves when they are teenagers. However I will not be buying or cooking non-veggie foods so in reality they will only eat these things when at friends or if they buy it themselves.
Meat eaters quite often have a problem with kids being veggie and vegan is even worse it seems so you probably won't get much support here.
FWIW my eldest is 11 and is not going to start cooking her own meals yet so is fine with staying veggie until she's older.

DGRossetti · 08/05/2018 11:45

I've been inside a food factory & after seeing how a particular product was made I would never eat one again

There's an old joke about people who like sausages or the law should avoid seeing how each is made ....

MightyMucks · 08/05/2018 11:47

Interesting. There was a thread the other day about a vegan man objecting to his wife eating animal products and that was apparently abuse. Yet to impose it on your kids is okay apparently...

ohcecelia · 08/05/2018 11:54

Nat, I'm guessing that comment was directed at me - but I'm afraid I don't see that as forcing my views on people, these arent my views, it's what happens to billions of animals all over the world. There's plenty of documentaries for you to see, Land of hope and glory is on YouTube and showcases examples from UK farming.

And there is actually a quite a few examples of farmers being turned vegan. A quick Google search will bring up lots of examples, people who now run plant based farms.

Here's an article on the effects of working in slaughterhouses - www.google.co.uk/amp/metro.co.uk/2017/12/31/how-killing-animals-everyday-leaves-slaughterhouse-workers-traumatised-7175087/amp/.

Typically the workers are more prone to depression, can suffer from PTSD, and have higher rates of crime and drug abuse. Especially in other parts of the world they're low paid, working in poor conditions and usually from poorer areas, so I would imagine put up with the job because it's work, and don't consider veganism because lets face it, processed shit food is a lot more expensive than buying fresh fruit and vegetables every day.

Nat6999 · 08/05/2018 12:00

To grow organic & non organic vegetables the soil is fertilised with animal manure, without breeding those animals in large amounts there wouldn't be enough to grow the plants. What would vegans prefer, those animals to die of old age & their bodies clutter up the planet?

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 08/05/2018 12:09

@Nat6999 there are plenty of natural, non-livestock manure fertilisers around (guano and sea weed are two examples).

If people didn't eat meat, there would be far fewer animals. Therefore there wouldn't be millions of bodies 'cluttering up the ground'. Nobody is suggesting or imagining that the world is going to go vegan overnight and leave millions of cows to die of old age. But we are already seeing meat consumption reduce, and this is hopefully a continuing trend which will lead to fewer animals being bred for slaughter over time. That will have hugely beneficial environmental consequences, and will obviously hugely reduce the suffering of animals.

pollysproggle · 08/05/2018 12:10

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a vegan activist anyway.
There are activists for all causes and sometimes they turn nasty- what can you do?

A vegan activist isn't really defending a plant based diet, they're defending the rights of animals. The kin we share this planet with who have no voice, who we can treat so appallingly depending on what species they are and if we deem them fit to eat.
Who has a problem with other nationalities eating cats, horses, dogs etc? But pigs are ok because duuuh...bacon is tasty.

Nat- there wouldn't be a huge population of farm animals if we didn't farm them to eat so that's a moot point!

ohcecelia · 08/05/2018 12:27

Like the others mentioned, we don't need manure to produce crops. And the manure issue is actually getting much too out of hand - North Carolina has a massive pig waste issue that is being sprayed over the land around the poorer communities, sits in pools but gets into the seas and oceans and causes all sorts of issues with fish dying and dead zones of the ocean.

Not to mention that all that manure and gas from animals is having a massive effect on climate change.