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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To “make” my kids be vegan?

315 replies

Sarcy · 07/05/2018 11:03

About 3 years ago I decided to become vegan, my two youngest are being brought up vegan. Whilst my 4 older kids made the decision for themselves. One of them decided about a year ago that he didn’t want to be vegan anymore, at friend’s houses or when he’s out with friends he’ll eat meat but at home I don’t let him. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m wrong for “forcing” my kids into this or not letting them backout easily. This isn’t the case but I made sure DS had truly thought about it before deciding not to be vegan. I’m just trying to understand what makes people think it’s wrong to raise children on a vegan diet, surly giving your children meat is much worse

OP posts:
CookieSue222 · 07/05/2018 11:15

3 years ago, YOU decided to be vegan.
I'm all for personal lifestyle choices, but by the sound of it your 'older' kids had already experienced eating a meat based diet. Surely if you Son has made a different choice you should respect that?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 07/05/2018 11:15

I don’t think this is any different to a traditional diet for religious reasons ie. Sikh/ Hindu vegetarians or keeping kosher.

Mumofkids · 07/05/2018 11:16

My older kids were bought up vegetarian, because of our diet. As I'd been vegetarian since age 13 and my husband, neither of us had the slightest clue about cooking meat. As our eldest grew he wanted to eat meat, despite a balanced diet he seemed to crave it, so at grandparents and our and about he was welcome to eat it. There came a point where all the children wanted to eat meat, so we spoke a lot about production and where it comes from and it being better to buy good expensive, well reared meat irregularly than cheap, mass produced meat. We then started to cook it once or twice a week. My oldest no longer lives at home and he's a meat eater. The other kids all went back to being vegetarian by their own choice. The younger ones can eat what they like.
We have a dairy free child and one who was vegan 6 months but the cost of the milk replacements and meals was much higher than a vegetarian diet (for us)
I think it's very important that their diet is their choice. If they are happy to eat the necessary nutrients, there's nothing wrong with a vegan diet at all, but I would struggle to get what was required into my younger children.

OrangeKitten · 07/05/2018 11:16

Honestly I think all you're going to do is cause your son to be resentful. Let him eat meat if he wants, there is nothing 'worse' about it, most animals eat other animals!

SquatDiddly · 07/05/2018 11:17

A vegan diet is dangerous for children.
Bollocks. If done correctly it's perfectly healthy.

I'm vegan for health reasons. DH and the DC eat meat because they want to. I would never force them into being vegan, that seems totally silly. DS was pescatarian for a good few years through choice, now he eats everything again.

SharronNeedles · 07/05/2018 11:17

Babies and children need the correct diet so they have a chance to thrive. There have been several cases where parents who follow a vegan diet have essentially starved their children by not offered the correct nutrients.

Like it or not, humans are meat eaters. Our bodies are designed to consume meat. Admittedly the industry is bad these days so I can understand why people don't want to buy into it.

NerrSnerr · 07/05/2018 11:17

It’s fair enough if you don’t want to cook meat or have it at home but I think they should be able to chose to have a cheese sandwich when out. Let them come to their own conclusions in their own time.

Bluelady · 07/05/2018 11:18

My take on this would be that they live in a vegan home. If they want to eat dairy and meat as they get older, then they can do that when they're out. A vegan diet is nutritionally sound if carefully planned.

My son's vegan and has been for 16 years, of all of us he's by far the healthiest.

Viviennemary · 07/05/2018 11:18
Biscuit
NukaColaGirl · 07/05/2018 11:20

I’m vegan, toddler is dairy/gluten free due to allergies. I only make vegan food at home; she’s fed meat at childminders, as are my elder 2DC (and at school too.) My house is a meat/dairy/gluten free zone but I don’t police what my elder children eat outside the home; it’s up to them, and barring making sure toddlers food is allergen free, I don’t police hers either.

Sunshinedaze · 07/05/2018 11:20

Both DH and I are veggies and have decided that when we have kids, they will be fed meat until they are old enough to make their own decision. To me, forcing them to be vegans is like forcing your religion on them. Allow them to be independent thinkers.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 07/05/2018 11:20

Imo how you feed your dc is like religion. You do what you think is best for them and guide them with your morals, if they reach an age and wish to alter those values you have to respect that.
My dc were all raised vegetarian as per my ethics, when teen ds's reached an age to visit mcdonald's alone they ordered a burger. No ranting from me. Adult dd is still vegi in theory but was presented with a pork lunch at a friend's and ate it not wishing to appear rude. She says she would not actively choose to eat meat but her vegi days are not resented at all. I feel I did what I thought was best as the adult with the responsibility. How they eat as an older dc is there decision.
I do not cook meat for the dc at all. They respect that.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2018 11:23

Op Yabvvu, I gather your older children, are at an age where they can make their own decisions. Even if you don't allow meat in the house, who is to say they won't go eating meat outside. Your attitude will drive them further away from being Vegan. My Vegan friend is the total opposite. She will not talk about it, unless you ask. Her adult children choose their diet, and she cooks meat for her grandad when she looks after him. She tells me she does not mind handling it or cooking it, but will not eat it.

Original poster
Sarcy · 07/05/2018 11:23

I do respect my sons choice but the reason I made sure he had thought it through first is because he told me he wanted to eat what his friends are eating so he can fit with them. He’s 11 and I understand fitting in is important for an 11 year old but I didn’t want him to think he had to be the same as his friends for them to like and accept him. I don’t cook any animal products at home and he does like the food I cook so I don’t see the point in him having anything different to what we all eat. Or buying non any non vegan foods since he likes what’s in the kitchen

OP posts:
slookiroo · 07/05/2018 11:24

OP I would suggest you join some of the vegan Facebook groups where there is great advice.

How wonderful to start your children off on this path at such a young age!

Aprilmightbemynewname · 07/05/2018 11:26

Unfortunately at 11 and over fitting in with mates overrules what dm says at times!! Learning to respect his choices will be returned in respect for you too.

AjasLipstick · 07/05/2018 11:26

I would teach him how to cook his own meat and fish. He's old enough.

All you need to do is to buy it and show him.

Dobbythesockelf · 07/05/2018 11:26

I think if a child has decided that he doesn't want to be vegan then it is his choice. I don't agree with forcing views onto children be that food or religion or something else. My friends parents were veggie but they chose to bring her up eating meat, by the time she was around 7 she chose to be veggie as well and has been for the last 20 odd years. She made the decision and I know that they wouldn't have had a problem if she had carried on eating meat. If you don't want to prepare meat that is fine but if your son wants to eat it and is willing to prepare it I don't see why you would stop him. You made your decision now he can make his.

CrazedZombie · 07/05/2018 11:27

How old are the kids?
I think it's fine to say that you will only cook vegan food but assuming that the older ones can cook themselves, it's unfair to insist that they must be vegan at home too. Being too hardline will drive them away from you. Is there no compromise that can be had like allowing them to eat veggie rather than vegan? I use allow based on the assumption that you pay for all food.

Birdsgottafly · 07/05/2018 11:29

""Babies and children need the correct diet so they have a chance to thrive. There have been several cases where parents who follow a vegan diet have essentially starved their children by not offered the correct nutrients. ""

Because those Parents know nothing about correct nutrients. Just like all the meat eating Parents who come under CP because of a "failure to thrive" by their children.

Many Cultures were and are traditionally Vegan. We all ate less animal products before their was a boom in farming. That's what made a Sunday Roast and cakes so special, but even those often contained Vegetable Suet. Pasta etc was made without diary/eggs, traditionally.

I disagree with the OP, but stop the crap about Veganism.

flumpybear · 07/05/2018 11:29

I don't believe vegan diet is a good choice for children - they need a balanced natural diet which includes all nutrients and combinations or nutrients to fulfil the needs of a speedily growing body - perhaps he wants different options because his body is craving them? At least if you give him say happy meat/eggs/fish etc at home he can have the best you can buy - that Shirley can't be a Bad thing for his body and nutrition

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 07/05/2018 11:30

I was raised vegetarian. I don't really mind most of the time. I like vegetarian food. I just wish I'd had the choice.

Other people become vegetarian/vegan for a specific reason. I'm just one because I was raised that way. I'm not strict and will eat non-vegetarian cheese, things with gelatine in etc.

I have tried meat but as I'm not used to the texture it makes me feel quite unwell. So I am now stuck being vegetarian whether I like it or not. For health reasons it would have been a lot easier if I'd been a meat eater for the past few years.

I think you should let them choose for themselves. Especially as you haven't always been vegan, so you made a huge change to their diet without consulting them. Even if you don't want to cook meat or fish for him, you should let him eat it outside of the house.

StrangeLookingParasite · 07/05/2018 11:30

I’m just trying to understand what makes people think it’s wrong to raise children on a vegan diet, surly giving your children meat is much worse

I see. How does that work, then?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/05/2018 11:31

If YOU want to be vegan that is your choice, however as it was a decision you made only 3 years ago, presumably your children were used to you cooking a non vegan diet. I really think the fairest thing to have done would be to say you would still cook them non vegan food if they wanted it. I don't eat meat, but I will buy it and cook it for others in the family.

user139328237 · 07/05/2018 11:32

He's 11. Eating meat is not going to kill him and it is a reversible choice so its not as though he can never become vegan again in the future if he wishes so yes it is unreasonable to force him to be vegan but as long as what you cook is nutritionally balanced it doesn't matter if it is vegan as long as he is allowed without pressure to choose to eat meat and dairy when elsewhere and he is allowed to choose to buy non vegan sweets and chocolate etc with any money you let him spend on treats.