To pick a wedding venue that I know FIL can't access?

[sharkirasharkira]

Dp and I are looking at wedding venues.

At the moment we've narrowed it down to 2 that look the nicest for us/most promising.

One is a hotel so will do everything there which makes it a bit easier for organisation but this of course just jack the price up a bit. With it being a hotel, we have to use all their suppliers for food etc and its a bit 'fancier' than we would like. But it is fully accessible and FIL is in a full wheelchair so he would be able to take part in the whole day if we chose it.

The second venue is quite unique, very 'us' and very affordable. Everything has to be organised separately so lots of opportunities to DIY and make it our own. However, the place where the actual ceremony would take place is up a steep set of stairs so FIL would not be able to access it.

DP and FIL don't have a close relationship. He (FIL) left when Dp was 8 and they have not been in much contact ever since, in fact last time they saw each other was 5 years ago for SIL's wedding. DP said he isn't fussed about inviting him at all but I think he will regret it in the end if he isn't invited.

I'm really leaning towards venue 2. In almost every way it is ideal, except for the access. But is it reasonable to make big adjustments and pay a lot more money just so FIL can attend? I've never actually met him so, while I want to include him, I really don't know!

Wibu to book a venue I know he can't access?

An alternate would be to have a very very intimate ceremony and then a ‘do’ that a number of guests are invited to- blame a nervous disposition around strangers that brings on anxiety to avoid raised eyebrows!

First of all your DP needs to make a decision on whether he wants to invite him or not. Not "he doesn't mind", he needs to make a definite decision. Then if he wants to invite him, you look for a venue to accommodate him, and if he doesn't, then you don't.

I agree with iron that it does come across slightly as if you are saying, 'if it was a non issue to invite him, we'd do so and not care either way whether he accepts but we really want this inaccessible venue so it would be really difficult to invite him - therefore, can we leave him out?'
If that's the case it is about the disability. I understand your dilemma and I sympathise with it but, if the decision would be to invite him if you had your heart set on an accessible venue then YABU.

I'm confused by the wet weather alternative being accessible but too small - how can the venue let you invite 50 people if they won't fit into the place the ceremony will be in the (not unlikely!) event of bad weather?

Can you organise a Skype/FaceTime so he could watch without having to travel at all?

Just a compromise

Send some champagne and a couple of glasses - confetti and both of you say a few words to him after or before?