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Original poster

To think friend treated me like shit today?

107 replies

OneStrangeRocj · 06/05/2018 16:06

Was going over to hers for bbq today. It’s been planned ages. I saw her Thursday and again confirmed.

She text me this morning to say she’s going on a date in the morning but will call me on her way back to arrange a time to come over.

Obviously it’s now late afternoon. She’s not called.

I essentially got dropped for a man she’s known for 2 days.

OP posts:
2andcountingtodate · 06/05/2018 20:03

Unfortunately I think you have just had the reason you went nc in the first place rear it's head. After just one month I would be completely walking away OP. Can you catch up with anyone else today?

SemperIdem · 06/05/2018 20:11

It is hurtful op.

I recently had a a dinner arrangement with a friend at her home. She mentioned a dish she was planning to cook, one I didn’t like which (politely!) told her. She got a bit shirty about “not cooking meat in my home”, I confirmed I didn’t expect to her (she is occasionally vegetarian more for financial than environmental/animal welfare reasons). All was fine.

Two days later, on the afternoon of the evening in question, she texted to say it was off because she had got food poisoning from a lamb pie Hmm.

I didn’t bother suggesting rearranging when I sent my sympathies and we haven’t spoken since.

It was shitty behaviour from a friend with a tendency to think she is a centre of the universe and the only one with a busy life. She is incorrect.

As is your friend. Better to have one less friend than one like that, quite frankly.

TheClitterati · 06/05/2018 20:18

I think she really let you down but as you said she has form for this - so her behaviour was totally in character. This is who she is. I'd find some new friends!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 06/05/2018 20:28

Bit daft of her to arrange a bbq on the day she has a date

I suppose she could have asked if he'd like to come and join the bbq after the date? He could have helped erect it, prodded the meat, buttered her baps and so on..

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2018 20:37

Provided the mayo... 😂

DownTownAbbey · 06/05/2018 21:11

I'd be incandescent with rage. One third of the best May bank holiday in years spent hanging around waiting for a get together that never happens.

Hope you're able to stop grinding your teeth and enjoy the rest of your bank holiday.

MrsJBaptiste · 06/05/2018 21:17

I'd be incandescent with rage

Really? I'd be pissed off but not exactly incandescent.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 06/05/2018 23:22

Your friend is selfish.

Sissyjd · 07/05/2018 17:48

MrsJBaptiste ooh loving incandescent!! AndILostItInTheEarlyNineties you made me lmfao!! 😂...but genuinely Op it's shallow flakey behaviour, I've had friends like this...drop you at the mere sniff of male attention...betting she'll want you if this new romance goes tits oop, to cry and whine.. meanwhile find other friends or things to do. 😊😊

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 17:49

Really? Over a barbecue? Are you always this needy with friends?

What a stupid thing to say.

I still stick to thinking being ‘hurt’ is an overreaction

Someone had an arrangement and their friend pulled out of it with almost no notice. I really don't see why that's needy to the point of deserving being sneered at. And it's perfectly fine to be hurt.

Some people are just being nasty here. I don't really see why.

Juells · 07/05/2018 18:02

Drop her as a friend.

Boulty · 07/05/2018 18:23

OP don't let some of the posters upset you. It appears that on MN some set out to be cruel/mean or nasty for the slightest reason, just ignore them.

Unfortunately, some 'friends' do dump friends when a man appears, try not to let it upset you too much and become closer to more reliable friends where friendship is more equal.
Good luck

Notasunnybunny · 07/05/2018 18:24

Op, I hope you come back. She is a shit friend, ditch her, for good. I had a good clear out of dead wood from my friendship circle recently, it’s been quite emotionally cleansing. Amongst these gems was the friend who uninvited me to her wedding 5 days before the event because I objected to my neighbours planning application(that would literally destroy our garden, outlook, significant chunk of highly protected national park, you get the idea) and said neighbour is a mutual friend so I was dropped from the guest list (presumably neighbour threatened to make a scene) and the friend who cancelled long standing dinner plans with ten minutes notice because her husband didn’t fancy it, forget the fact we had got dressed up, booked the restaurant and settled in the baby sitter for the night. These friendship gems happened in one week. I completely understand how you feel. I was in bits but now it’s less raw I just feel relief that I don’t have to bother with them any more.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2018 18:33

I have had this happen to me and it is hurtful. And not just for a date, a friend would cancel on me if she got a better offer from another friend. We are not friends anymore.

Sometimes its ok, like when my sister cancelled on me last minute as the guy she had fancied for ages asked her out for a drink that nightt (and she asked if it really was ok, she didnt just ghost me!). I understood and know she would have been ok if I had done the same in similar circumstances. But this is shitty and proof that she hasnt changed at all. Stick with the nc.

Goldilocks3Bears · 07/05/2018 18:33

A bit rude and I’d be annoyed as you have waited and could have just made other plans. She could have gone to her dick appointment and still met up with you later.

YearOfYouRemember · 07/05/2018 19:05

I'd arranged dinner with a friend and then met someone new. Friend assumed I'd want to see him as it was my birthday. I said no, I'd arranged her first and friends before boyfriend. 20+ years later I'm married to the boyfriend and no longer friends with her. Not entirely sure why contact stopped. Think something to do with me not being her on call baby sitter.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/05/2018 20:43

It would have rung alarm bells for me if someone said they had a date on a Bank Holiday Morning but would see you for a barbie early afternoon. It sounds like you were always intended to be her plan B. That's one thing.
Not to even bother to text you is another. That is adding insult to injury.
This isn't the kind of friend you can trust.
Drop.

helsinkihelen · 07/05/2018 21:05

Tbh, if someone was going on a date before meeting me I think it would be in the back of my mind that the date would run over time or our arrangement wouldn't happen. If your friend has form for this surely you would have expected this ( even if she'd been good for a month) . Allowing this to happen over and over again and allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again isn't showing yourself much care so you need to take a bit of responsibility.

It is shit tho. And if I was you I wouldnt make arrangements in future.x

Purplealienpuke · 07/05/2018 22:05

I feel for you OP . Your friend has seemingly not treated you as you would her. She could have let you know instead of leaving you wondering but really it's mates before (guys you barely know) dates.
A long standing friendship of mine has petered out this year. It had been coming for a while. She'd said hurtful things under the guise of 'I didn't mean it like that', upset a friend of mine by being extremely rude to her in a social situation. She was happy to let me pay for dinners etc when she was skint, never returned the favour, would cancel if I said I was short of dosh!! Highly selfish IMO. The last straw for me was I was ready to leave the house to visit her new place (an hour away & I don't drive) & she cancelled on me because 'a family member was there measuring up' ! I'd met the person before & from what she said they weren't going to be staying. It was bullshit!! In reality she's got a new man in tow. Same shit every time!! Not going to be picked up & dropped by her anymore. Feel so much better for it too.
I hope you decide on a course of action that suits you.

altiara · 07/05/2018 22:41

She’s a shit friend, you know this. Be honest to yourself, what were you expecting when she said she was going on a date? At that point, you should’ve known from past history as you must’ve had a good reason for 7 months NC. I’m not saying don’t be hurt, but think of yourself, call her out if she’s messing you around.

Goldilocks3Bears · 07/05/2018 23:49

Am I the only one who is wondering what happened with the date? Did they Netflix and chill like the cool kids? Are they meeting up again?

freeicecream · 08/05/2018 00:05

i'm going to assume that it was not just you and her that was attending this bbq? why did the rest of you not just continue the plans in her absence

MiddleClassProblem · 08/05/2018 00:10

Goldilocks3Bears sounds like it might be on instagram somewhere... #firstdatw #bbqfreezone #shitiforgottotext

LittlePaintBox · 08/05/2018 00:35

I have a friend who's started messing me around like this - not dropping me for a date, but cancelling plans at the last minute because something more important crops up, or trying to fit me round other things she wants to do which she's not prepared to put off until a day when she's free. I've stopped trying to understand it now, and just taken on board that if we arrange to see each other it will either not happen, or be changed to something I hadn't known she was planning to do. (Eg 'I told Barbara I'd drop round and see her'). Obviously seeing me isn't a big priority to her, I find it a bit upsetting but if that's how she feels there's nothing I can do about it.

Purplealienpuke · 08/05/2018 06:05

LittlePaintBox there IS something you can do about it though.....
If your friendship is one way and you feel like you only get the crumbs that's awful 😢.
I firmly believe that you get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. 💐

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