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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a party with no food

300 replies

legoqueen · 05/05/2018 17:31

Landmark birthday & have around 70 people invited to an evening in a pub. Starting at 8pm, DH & I have decided to provide some drinks & nibbles but no 'buffet', mainly due to logistics not cost. Another friend did this & with the late start it worked fine, but one guest has expressed horror surprise at this - views please.

OP posts:
winterisstillcoming · 05/05/2018 19:16

I'd either brazen it out on the invitation with : we would love you to join us for drinks and canapés to celebrate........., or pay for a fish and chips van to come and park up outside the beer garden if feasible. A simple buffet is not that expensive if prepared at home either.

sallythesheep73 · 05/05/2018 19:16

I wouldnt mind - I've eaten before 8pm. I rather have a drink and a boogie than eat a hotdog and some soggy vol au vents!

KirstenRaymonde · 05/05/2018 19:19

If they’ll let you bring food it’s very easy to do a finger buffet yourself. I catered for 80 by myself (well me plus DM) for my 30th in a pub back room, sandwiches, wraps cut up small, vol au vents, little sausages and sausage rolls, loads of crisps and dip. Was fab. We took everything on platters from home.

OreoMini · 05/05/2018 19:22

You need food imo, I’d find it really bizarre to turn up to a party at 8 and not to have any food.

RhinoBlue · 05/05/2018 19:24

Marks and Spencer's are fantastic for canapés, and sandwich platters. I ended up catering my own wedding with M&S when the poor Hog Roast mans business burnt down a week before the wedding! Everyone thought the food was delicious, there was plenty and it was a fraction of the cost.

I would be disappointed with no food, I would probably be very hungry and leave early in search of food unless it was made very clear there would be no food.

'Nibbles' is a little vague

Cornishclio · 05/05/2018 19:42

I think you need to provide some food if you are expecting people to be there from 8pm to around 11pmish and drinking all that time. Finger buffet can be done relatively cheaply yourself with sandwiches, cocktail sausages, sausage rolls, crisps and maybe some cheese and biscuits.

Katedotness1963 · 05/05/2018 19:51

The pub might have restrictions as to what it can have for food, especially brought in food. So that's important. You'll have to talk to then first.

That said, if I was invited to a party I'd expect more than crisps and nuts and paying for my own drinks.

first you have to find out the pubs guidelines on food.

Dancingmonkey87 · 05/05/2018 19:53

We were invited to a surprise 50th birthday party. We didn’t eat before as we were getting dc to bed and getting ready to go out expecting food. Got there to find out no food and a paying bar. Turns out they went for a family meal first but didn’t want to feed the guests. We buggered off to KFC and went home.

bonbonours · 05/05/2018 19:54

Wow lifechanges... The food is the point of a party? There I was thinking the point of a party is to celebrate an occasion in the company of your friends and or family. Surely the company is the most important. I would rather go to a party without food (especially if warned) with good friends than a beautifully catered do with lovely food and people I wasn't that good friends with.

misskatamari · 05/05/2018 19:57

I think it depends what the nibbles are. I have young kids so we eat dinner at about 5, so 8pm seems like really late to eat to me. So if I was going somewhere at that time I wouldn't be expending meal type food, Altho it seems many would. If I was having a drink, I'd definitely get peckish, so some sort of substantial snacks type canapé food would be good.

I think whatever you decide, as long as you make it clear on the invites it will be fine

Yesiamhappy · 05/05/2018 19:59

If you are a student you can get away with no food

Older than that and it looks tight - especially as people will no doubt be bringing gifts for you

margotsdevil · 05/05/2018 20:02

Don't think you can really "host" without at least a finger buffet - struggling to understand what you mean about logistics being the problem. If you don't do food be prepared for people disappearing for a meal!

Roussette · 05/05/2018 20:03

Have to say I wouldn't do sandwich platters from somewhere like Waitrose or M&S, they are eye wateringly expensive and would be hoovered up just like that. I'd rather leave platters of meats, french bread, cheeses .... far far cheaper

sweatylemon · 05/05/2018 20:06

We went to a party in a pub with no food, was grim.
We left early & went for a curry, as did a load of others. Parties are for friends, for food & few drinks

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:08

I've been to plenty of parties without more than minimal, light nibbles. Including 50ths and 40ths. Just say it is a "drinks party" on the invite. Or say "drinks and nibbles". I would then definitely eat beforehand and not expect more than the fancy end of crisps/nuts/olives etc.

Having said that, I do remember this exact same discussion coming up before and being in the minority.

I think it does depend a little on where people are coming from. Here people often have parties where almost everyone is very local, so can eat at home at 7 and be at a party at 8 no problem. If people are travelling it is a bit different.

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:09

You have to pay for drinks though.

elderflowerandrose · 05/05/2018 20:12

Am I the only one in the world that goes to drinks parties regularly? It has never crossed my mind that food would be included as well. Most people eat around 6-7pm and then go out.

I just think people want the very most out of the night and seem to be squeezing out whatever they can, I say be grateful you are invited!!

sockunicorn · 05/05/2018 20:13

@legoqueen i would expect food at a party. just like I would bring a gift to a party. Wouldnt necessarily bring a gift or expect food to a night in the pub (would just buy birthday person a drink)

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:14

me and you I think elderflowerandrose

elderflowerandrose · 05/05/2018 20:15

OP I think the mistake is in the title and the word 'party' people will conjure up discos, buffets and the full works.

If your title was drinks and nibbles evening would you expect a full buffet/ three course dinner the replies may have been different.

elderflowerandrose · 05/05/2018 20:17

irregularegular Yes we will come op, and we will be grateful for your niblets and drinkies and we will definitely not complain about the lack of soggy sandwiches and curried chips we promise Wine Gin Halo

We shall dance the night away and have a wonderful time!

Midthreademergencynamechange · 05/05/2018 20:19

Yabu.

People expect to be fed at parties.

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:22

I actually think it is quite hard to do really good food for a large party that would constitute a proper meal. If someone has got a limited budget (and doesn't happen to have a handy friend who is a professional caterer) then I'd rather they spent it on better quality drinks and nibbles than a mediocre buffet. And the more time people spend eating, the less time they spend dancing!

iamyourequal · 05/05/2018 20:22

If it’s a landmark birthday all your guests are going to bring gifts for you. You really must put on some food or your guests will be disappointed and you will look mean as sin. If money isn’t the problem, hire a caterer! If you are on a budget, Get a friend to help you make sandwiches, sausage rolls etc. Nobody will likely care how fancy the food is providing its pleasant and fresh.

greendale17 · 05/05/2018 20:23

Very unreasonable and penny pinching, sorry.

^This. Who has a party without food?