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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a party with no food

300 replies

legoqueen · 05/05/2018 17:31

Landmark birthday & have around 70 people invited to an evening in a pub. Starting at 8pm, DH & I have decided to provide some drinks & nibbles but no 'buffet', mainly due to logistics not cost. Another friend did this & with the late start it worked fine, but one guest has expressed horror surprise at this - views please.

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 05/05/2018 20:25

Don’t be so tight. Put on a spread.

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:27

I really don't think my evening would be enhanced by sandwiches and sausage rolls. If you have to, consider a fabulous cheese board. And cake!

And personally I would ask people not to bring gifts for an adult birthday party. Landmark or no landmark.

elderflowerandrose · 05/05/2018 20:29

for seventy people that is one hell of a spread!!

I have been to a party and we were asked all to bring a dish and the host. I have never eaten so many lovely varieties of food. If everyone wants to eat, no one is going to mind bringing a dish with them and most of our friends took great pride in bringing something really thoughtful and special to them. I won't lie there was some competitive cooking and presentation but that only added to the evening.

If you are providing drinks and venue I really think it is fine to suggest this!

elderflowerandrose · 05/05/2018 20:29

by the host.

NCJaneDoeNut · 05/05/2018 20:30

Call it ‘drinks’.

elderflowerandrose · 05/05/2018 20:31

Love the cheese board idea and cake. You could add meats and pickles at a push. Tell them it is a has continental theme :)

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 05/05/2018 20:37

Cheese board and cake wouldn’t cut it for a lot of people. It’s extremely limited

OreoMini · 05/05/2018 20:40

A cheeseboard would not cut it for me. I only eat cheddar so would hate this.

But I love cakeCake

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:41

wouldn't cut it for a lot of people

Fine, they don't have to come then! I don't think they'd be a great loss to my (fictional) party...

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 20:48

And before anyone says anything, I'm not talking about people with allergies etc, I'm talking about people for whom the food provided at a party has to "cut it". And those people who aren't there mainly to talk, mingle, laugh and dance. Though to be honest, I am also rather suspicious of someone who can't appreciate a really good cheese board.

nocoolnamesleft · 05/05/2018 20:50

No food, and in a pub. Hmmm, as a non-drinker I'd probably be working out in advance my excuse for leaving early...

HeedMove · 05/05/2018 20:50

Greggs sandwhich platters will likely be cheaper than m and s and they are nice. Crisps, cheese and biscuits, pickles and porn pies and id be happy!

Original poster
legoqueen · 05/05/2018 20:50

I've already specified no presents. Issue isn't cost, but I will talk to the pub about what more we could bring in (as explained earlier, issue is no catering by pub & nibbles was suggestion of manager). This has certainly been a 'lively' thread for my first AIBU Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
legoqueen · 05/05/2018 20:51

Porn pies might be a step too far though....

OP posts:
HermesAndPinot · 05/05/2018 20:53

Hire a burger van or something similar. People will remember you didn’t cater, rather than the birthday party itself.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 05/05/2018 20:53

porn pies

Porn pies! Okay, I will come after all Grin

Buxbaum · 05/05/2018 20:53

Am I the only one in the world that goes to drinks parties regularly?

Of course not, but there are two types of drinks parties where you would expect nothing more than canapés or nibbles:

  • early evening / cocktail hour drinks, which start around 6-6.30 and last for about two hours with a defined end time, when everyone goes for dinner. IME these days these only really still happen in the corporate world, and other slightly archaic circles like academia.
  • later, after-dinner drinks, which would never ever start earlier than 9pm.

You CANNOT have a drinks party which starts at 8pm, simply because unless you are six years old this is dinner time. OP can either start her party at 8 and provide a substantial feed, or push it to 9 and serve nibbles. Simple.

PlatypusPie · 05/05/2018 20:55

I must be in the minority - if I was invited to a drinks party located at a pub, I wouldn’t necessarily expect a buffet, though I would expect at least a starter drink and some crisps etc would be welcome.

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 20:58

but they aren't calling it a drinks party.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2018 20:59

Do a bring and share then. Or scale it back. But a 'party' where you don't put anything on isn't really a party, is it?

RabbityMcRabbit · 05/05/2018 21:00

As long as you make it clear people should ear before they arrive. My friend's husband's 40th years ago was a pub party with a band but not food. They had people coming from all over the country but failed to mention there would be no food. People got very drunk very quickly!

HeedMove · 05/05/2018 21:02

Porn pies 😂 not surprised the pub wont cater that 😂

EdWinchester · 05/05/2018 21:03

I have been to a few 40th birthday parties over the last year where there was no food.

I never eat buffet food, so it was fine with me.

You go for the group/occasion etc, not the sausage rolls.

MadMags · 05/05/2018 21:03

Basically you’re inviting people to join you for a drink in the pub, which is absolutely fine but call it what it is!

irregularegular · 05/05/2018 21:06

You CANNOT have a drinks party which starts at 8pm, simply because unless you are six years old this is dinner time.

Not necessarily. Most people I know normally eat with their families at about 7pm. And if a party officially starts at 8pm you don't get there until about 8.30, or later. anyway.

When I go to dinner parties that start at 8 I need to eat something to keep me going!