AIBU to have a party with no food

[legoqueen]

Landmark birthday & have around 70 people invited to an evening in a pub. Starting at 8pm, DH & I have decided to provide some drinks & nibbles but no 'buffet', mainly due to logistics not cost. Another friend did this & with the late start it worked fine, but one guest has expressed horror surprise at this - views please.

It would be far healthier to have a party where food is the focus than one where getting drunk is the focus...

No sausage rolls and chicken goujons = no party!

OP, so long as you tell everyone it's drinks and nibbles only then your guests can ensure they eat beforehand.

Agree with others that I'd expect food at a party and some may forego lunch/usual early dinner if they are expecting food.

Would expect some sort of food. Nothing lavish e.g. sausage rolls, sandwiches, bit of pizza etc. Need something to go with the beers.

I think it's kind of strange that everyone expects food at any kind of social gathering but I am clearly in the minority!

Food? Would never expect it at a party!!!! Nibbles would be fine in my book.

I think as long as you tell people in advance, that they won't be getting fed, it's not a problem. The issue arises when people expect to be fed (and I think they will expect it) and there is nothing for them. We went to an evening wedding reception last year, fully expecting that there would be a substantial buffet, so bearing that in mind and also due to the fact we were too busy getting ready and travelling there to eat a meal, we arrived hungry. Imagine our disappointment then when the only food on offer was trays of greasy bacon sandwiches, circulated by waiters, so we literally got to take one quarter-of-a-round of sandwich each. Needless to say, we sloped off early and detoured via the drive through Maccies on the way home! I was gutted as I'd been looking forward to a nice buffet - but the key point is, if I'd known in advance that there wouldn't be one, I'd have been sure to get my tea before going out. It's not the lack of food per se that I found unreasonable, it's the fact we didn't know we wouldn't be getting fed!

I was invited to a 'milestone' party by an acquaintance, a very nice person, who specifically said 'don't worry about food, there will be plenty, bring a bottle of fizz if you like. '
So we went along with our bottle, looking forward to the food (person was a good cook) and a nice evening.
There was indeed loads of fizz (I appropriated a bottle of Taittinger and it was lovely. Plenty of other bottles available btw, I wasn't a complete hog. )

But the food seemd to consist of a few bowls of nuts and mini crackers. Then a delivery arrived. There were tiny meringues, fondants, profiteroles, macarons, even a croquembouche. Exquisite but absolutely everything was sweet. Nothing savoury at all.
It's actually quite difficult to eat loads of sweet food and nothing else so I got quite pissed. I was starving by the end of the party but couldn't face another gooey confection.
We went home via the late night Kebab van.

Were we wrong to think that if someone says there will be plenty of food, they're going to provide more than dessert?

Well what sort of pub doesn’t have a kitchen?!

Essentially, what you're proposing to put on is a place for everyone you know to meet for drinks before they all bugger off at 9.30 for a McDonalds/kebab , making new friends amongst themselves as they moan about how tight you are for not providing any food.

If the invitation says drinks and nibbles then everyone knows what to expect. Do what you want. No obligation to provide a buffet, just write on the the invitation what to expect.

YANBU, so long as the invitation makes it clear that the guests aren't going to get fed.

In my book, you wouldn't get away with doing this for a party which starts any earlier than 8pm though.

Not necessarily a full on buffer but lots of nibbles - crisps, nuts, popcorn, cocktail sausages, sausage rolls maybe some cupcakes or some of those frozen party food pudding boxes.
Doesn’t have to be masses - but not just a few nibbles

Couldn’t you order food in via Deliveroo, Uber eats etc? I wouldn’t expect a proper meal but just something like pizza?

Also if you’re bringing 70 guests over to this pub, I would have expected the pub management to be more welcoming in regards to food. Sounds like it will be a busy/good night for them!

I work in the sort of pub that doesn't have a kitchen.

We are heaving. Almost every day of the week.

We do allow people to order pizza etc and eat in the bar, this works well for us.

We also have a function that is booked often fri/sat/Sun. Sometimes twice in one day if an afternoon christening and then a night time party.

There is another pub close by that does buffets and deliver to us but we have also had people bring their own buffets, the odd party with multiple slow cookers with things like currys/chilli/casseroles etc, hog roasts.

I'm surprised that people are surprised at pubs that don't have kitchens.

So call it a 'drinks party' on the invite. If it starts at 8 people can eat before they come.

I think it is fine as long as guests know in advance.

she said they were providing nibbles...

I've been to 2 parties that were poor on the food front. One was an engagement that provided nibbles which ended up being one small bowl of peanuts per table. It was a miserable affair and we all remember it because of this. Happily the engagement didn't turn into a marriage but that was mainly because he was a druggie who knocked seven bells out of her every weekend.
The other was a landmark birthday and the nibbles were tiny amounts of veggie food. Carrot sticks and tiny tomatoes cut in half type of thing. All of the guests left early and went to the chippie on the way home. No free drink provided either.
Money was not a factor in either of these cases. Just no idea of what is necessary to make folk feel included and comfortable . Feed people even if its just basic sandwiches and crisps. ( please don't let it be basic sandwiches and crisps )

We do allow people to order pizza etc and eat in the bar, this works well for us.

I know a few bars and pubs that don’t have kitchens, but like this they let you order food to eat in which works well.

Actually, even at a pub that DOES serve food the other weekend they were so overwhelmed they told us to get a deliveroo as the kitchen couldn’t cope.

You need to call it birthday drinks, not a party. Then people will only expect nibbles. As someone who needs to eat regularly, I'd have to leave and get dinner.

Yes,it’s birthday drinks down the pub.be explicit about that so folk get it
I’d not have an issue with no food,And I’d not expect a free bar either
Mn has a very strangled sense of etiquette and social must do’s. Fuck that.do what you want

@legoqueen I don’t think it’s wholly unreasonable but you would have to make it clear on the invites, but older generations would probably expect something. I know why you don’t want to a tho (and pressumably why the pub don’t) - total pain in the backside to organise! I’ve done two big parties recently both at home tho so slightly diff - for my Dad’s 60th we had a local Indian restaurant provide a curry buffet, they come with the hot plates etc. And set everything up, you’d just need to provided cutlery/plates. Then for my hubby’s 40th we had a mobile fish & chip van come and park up outside the house, the latter was the best thing ever and people loved it! Plus we didn’t have to supply a thing - just bin bags for the paper trays!! When I started researching there’s loads of different types of food vans you can get to come, just ask the pub if they can pull up in the car park. Actually remembering a friend’s wedding a couple of yrs bk they didn’t have a buffet but got a company to do a pork pie cake and a cheese wheel cake, then just put out some crackers and chutney. This was great as well and would be relatively fuss free 👍🏻