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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so irritated with people swearing in front of small children?

92 replies

CruCru · 05/05/2018 14:16

This seems to be getting worse. I was in a cafe yesterday with my daughter (4) and a young guy (nicely spoken) was on the phone to his mum, telling her about a flat he was going to move into... “Yeah, it’s got a fuck off gym, a garage...”.

I’m in the park and we’ve just moved to a different part because a giant teenager (about 14 years old) keeps running past us shouting “Ahhh, fuckin’ ‘ell!!!”

Part of me wants to politely ask them to stop swearing in front of my children but I remember my Mum doing this and finding it completely mortifying.

I’m sure that I’ve always made an effort not to swear in front of little kids. I do see that in adult spaces it is different but in parks and cafes packed with children, it seems really crass to say fuck.

OP posts:

Liverpoolmumof1 · 05/05/2018 22:33

I agree, it is completely inappropriate to swear in front of children and I don’t think YABU to WANT to say something. Ultimately if you did, I don’t think it would make a difference because everyone has to choose for themselves and has a right to say what they like whether it’s appropriate or not.

I think it would be better to use it as an opportunity to speak to your child about other people’s values and beliefs being different from yours/theirs. X

TheOriginalEmu · 05/05/2018 22:36

They’re just words, not like they were swearing AT your children. You just teach your kids not to repeat those words if they bother you. As an adult if I want to swear, I will.

AtSea1979 · 05/05/2018 22:38

YANBU but I also think it’s horrible as an adult to hear people swearing all the time just in conversation. It’s different if they’d just hurt themselves or had bad news or something but just to be swearing all the time in general is horrible.

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2018 22:39

YABU to expect a teenage boy to care about your 4 year old.

While I absolutely would watch what I was saying in a place where children were present in reality not everyone will. My children know swear words but they also know that they are rude and they shouldn't say them.

ShirazSavedMySanity · 05/05/2018 22:39

I work in a school.
We’ve had to put it on the newsletter this week to remind people not to swear in the playground during drop off/pick up.
Utterly disgraceful.

theymademejoin · 05/05/2018 22:45

I was a bit shocked today to hear a child ask his mother "where are the fucking toys". The child was complaining about the fact they were wandering up and down the aisles of the shop we were in. Parents told him if he behaved they would go and look at the toys. When they got to the end of the aisle, that was his question.

I was probably more shocked by the fact the mother just told him they would go on a few minutes.

So not all parents object to swearing in front of their children. But I agree with you. I think it is considerate to be aware of who is in the vicinity and adapt your language accordingly.

Paddingtonthebear · 05/05/2018 22:47

We’ve had to put it on the newsletter this week to remind people not to swear in the playground during drop off/pick up

crazycatgal · 05/05/2018 22:49

YANBU, I don't swear when I'm out and about because I'm wary of children hearing.

In my experience it always seems to be groups of lads in their 20s who think they're part of the 'banter brigade' that swear loudly in public.

Hohofortherobbers · 05/05/2018 22:51

I agree you are yanbu. I hate swearing around children and regularly say "language!" if I hear it in front of mine. People often apologise

TigerDroveAgain · 05/05/2018 22:54

Oh grow up all of you

LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/05/2018 22:58

I don't think it's particularly pleasant to swear loudly in public at all, but I do think you're probably overestimating how aware people are of your child's presence. They're probably not noticing her and then swearing anyway, they just don't particularly register her. When I started TTCing I suddenly felt like the world was full of babies and small children - they must have been there before but they just weren't on my radar, so I wouldn't have been moderating my behaviour for them.

LemonysSnicket · 06/05/2018 01:23

I have no children, I don’t know anyone with children. I have never had to filter my language. I’m now in a children’s theme park and am trying to filter my language however ... it’s not automatic. Teach your child it is naughty, it’s not my responsibility.

Fatted · 06/05/2018 01:29

I swear a lot I'll be honest. My DH does too. But we try to avoid swearing in front of the kids and pick each other up on it if we do. I make a big point of telling the kids it's not acceptable, it's rude etc, so they know if they do hear swearing, it's not something I want them to repeat.

Although I didn't realise how much I say 'For the love of God' until my youngest started saying it all the time!

Dixiestampsagain · 06/05/2018 01:44

To be fair, I’ve asked teenaged lads to stop swearing in front of little ones and they’ve apologised and stopped. Some adults at school pick up or the waiting room at the doctor’s, for example, drive me mad as almost every sentence is littered with profanity and it’s so natural to them that I don’t even think they notice. (and yes, I’ve noticed how sanctimonious this post makes me sound!!)

TheHonSaucyJane · 06/05/2018 04:31

I agree.

I'm also a massive hypocrite, as a stupid woman pulled out without looking from a minor road just in front of me earlier in the week. I slammed on the brakes, missed the oblivious idiot by inches, and yelled, "TWAT!" with the shock.

DD(2) yelled "twat!" gleefully for the next half an hour until the novelty wore off the shiny new shouty word. Now DP has taught her to say, "no swearing, mummy!"

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 06/05/2018 04:47

I think YABU. Other people don’t have to watch what they say around your child, or even notice your child at all. Swearing is very casual these days and it is absolutely everywhere. It’s on you to teach your child to talk nicely. I agree that it’s not an ideal situation but it’s totally unrealistic to expect anyone else to care.

Rainatnight · 06/05/2018 05:05

I'm very sweary by nature but have had to reform since having DD who has been a little parrot since she was 18 months old. Since then, I've absolutely HATED hearing people swear in front of her (partly cos I have to try so hard to keep a lid on it, and I feel it undoes all my good work! )

However, at the same time, I think it's absolutely not their responsibility. They're going about their lives and their lives don't revolve around my daughter.

Why should a guy on the phone to someone in a cafe pay any attention to you?

Claire90ftm · 06/05/2018 05:15

I hate it too. YANBU at all. Swearing shouldn't be every other word, it makes you sound very common. And swearing in front of children is unnecessary and inappropriate. Sadly my MIL swears a lot but I will be picking her up on it when this baby is born.

Claire90ftm · 06/05/2018 05:17

Also, all of you asking why people should watch what they say around OP's children, you clearly haven't read the title or what OP is saying. AIBU To be so irritated with people swearing in front of small children. NOT "swearing in front of my children",OP is saying in front of children in general.

diodati · 06/05/2018 05:29

I just gave my 17 yr old DD hell for punctuating her speech with 'fuck' whilst chatting with friends outside. Just the once, but it sounded dreadful

Coyoacan · 06/05/2018 05:37

Oh grow up all of you

I hardly ever swear and neither does my dd, but what the hell? My main reason for not wanting children to swear is because then they get discrimated against by people who put too much importance on these words.

TheOriginalEmu · 06/05/2018 05:39

but, claire, i don't really care about looking 'common', whatever that means and I would argue that a well timed and placed swearword is absolutely necessary at times. it gives expression to what you are saing in a way that other words just don't, really.
I'm very very sweary, its just my nature and how I speak. I can and do turn it down and off in my work place as its distracting for the client base I work with, and as they are usually pre-teens and early teens, giving them wonderous words like twatclacker, probably wouldn't go over well with their parents.
but outside of that, my children have just learned to not use those words and usually just roll their eyes at me and say 'don't say swears mummy!' and carrry on with their lives.

cricketballs3 · 06/05/2018 05:43

Sadly my MIL swears a lot but I will be picking her up on it when this baby is born

I suspect that your MIL like the vast majority of adults will change her vocabulary when with her grandchildren

daisychain01 · 06/05/2018 05:46

Growing up, i never ever heard people swearing as much as they do nowadays. It seems to be part of everyday language without people batting an eyelid, especially The F Word. I remember Billy Connelly was the first comedian to use it in every other sentence, and to start with it had a shock factor, but after a few times it lost its edginess.

OP all you can do is teach your children which words aren't polite. Its impossible to police everyone else, but I agree it's an ongoing minefield, because they hear a swear word in a sentence and it's like any other word until you tell them the difference

daisychain01 · 06/05/2018 05:48

My favourite auntie used to swear like a trouper, we loved telling her off and picking out the bad words (very very tame words by today's standards though!)

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