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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so irritated with people swearing in front of small children?

92 replies

CruCru · 05/05/2018 14:16

This seems to be getting worse. I was in a cafe yesterday with my daughter (4) and a young guy (nicely spoken) was on the phone to his mum, telling her about a flat he was going to move into... “Yeah, it’s got a fuck off gym, a garage...”.

I’m in the park and we’ve just moved to a different part because a giant teenager (about 14 years old) keeps running past us shouting “Ahhh, fuckin’ ‘ell!!!”

Part of me wants to politely ask them to stop swearing in front of my children but I remember my Mum doing this and finding it completely mortifying.

I’m sure that I’ve always made an effort not to swear in front of little kids. I do see that in adult spaces it is different but in parks and cafes packed with children, it seems really crass to say fuck.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 06/05/2018 06:22

They're going to learn the words sooner or later..It's just up to you to teach them not to swear.

Gizlotsmum · 06/05/2018 06:34

Meh. You can’t stop other people swearing. Better to tell your children that it’s not acceptable to use language like that and mirror that behaviour yourself.

I occasionally swear in front of my children and they tell me off! However we do let them have their own versions to show exasperation. DS uses ‘Oh for...’ DD doesn’t have a particular one.

Our old neighbours swore a lot and I may have loudly explained to my children that we didn’t use language like that because it was rude and disrespectful. They swore less in the garden if we were out then ( I even heard him say to keep it down as next door were out!)

IStillMissBlockbuster · 06/05/2018 06:54

I don't see swearing as rude and disrespectful at all, unless it is directed at someone. YANBU for not swearing in front of your children, but you can't police the language of the general public. I probably wouldn't notice your kids and likely wouldn't even think to moderate my language as i'm not speaking to them. I don't shout so why would they be listening to me in a coffee shop?

Gizlotsmum · 06/05/2018 06:57

@istill in our neighbours case it was directed at the wife.

But I work in an area where swearing from frustration is frequent and it is different.

ProudPearlClutcher · 06/05/2018 07:04

I do t mind the odd little slip tbh, but it really irks me when every other word is fuck or cunt. I did pick a teenager up on it at the park once as she went on a massive, loud monologue in the middle of the little children’s bit of the playground. I swear she said fuck, fucking and cunt about 3 times each. I had my 2yo and she was at that sort of parroting stage, so I asked the teenager nicely not to do it. She did stop and was quite nice about it. Looked a bit sheepish, as I think she had been showing off a bit and knew she maybe shouldn’t have been swearing quite so much.

MrsJamin · 06/05/2018 07:06

I said "mind your language" the other day when a bunch of y11s were walking home and saying f*K very loudly. For those who think it shouldn't be contested, what would you do if someone yelled "cnt" right in front of your children? Would you really stay silent no matter what was said?

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 06/05/2018 07:11

I actually think it’s quite healthy for children to hear swear words. Obviously not if they being used in an aggressive fight or argument but in day to day from other people I think it’s fine. I have taught mine that swear words aren’t something they can say until they are adults like drinking beer or driving and they are fine with it. Neither of mine have ever said a swear word in my ear shot. I honestly think they don’t even hear them as rude as long as it’s not being directed at them and is just background.

Gennz18 · 06/05/2018 07:16

I'm the same as WhatInTheWorld. I've never sworn at my child but I have sworn in front of him. I've told him there are some words for adults and when he's 18 he'll be able to use them. Something to look forward to 😂 Seems to do the trick. I don't use the C word though in front of him

I don't think it necessarily sounds uneducated or "common" at all - I'm a lawyer and most of us swear like troopers (or like lawyers I guess)

Allthewaves · 06/05/2018 07:24

I used to be like this then middle dc (who has asd) started his first year at school (4), another little boy had sen and had a large vocabulary of swear words. Within two weeks he could swear like a trooper and used it to great effect.

Now I'm like the mum in supermarket, I ignore as he's looking for a reaction

WilyMinx · 06/05/2018 08:15

Only if I was with the sweary person. If it's just strangers swearing around my child, I don't feel it's my place to tell them to stop.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 06/05/2018 08:21

You can’t really police what other people say and do in public. I swear and, while I would moderate my language to a point in public, I wouldn’t expect to suddenly change completely because there might be a child’s delicate ears around. They’re going to hear it at some point no matter how hard you try.

jamoncrumpets · 06/05/2018 08:24

I swear in front of my kid. I don't swear at my kid. There's a big difference. DH and I are both well read and educated, so DC hears a range of language, both formal and colloquial. I don't give a shiny shit what anybody thinks about the way I speak.

insancerre · 06/05/2018 08:25

Yabu
Its your job as a parent to teach your child which words are acceptable to use
You can't dictate to other people what they do

silkpyjamasallday · 06/05/2018 08:42

I don’t think you can expect random strangers to watch their language because they are in the vicinity of children. DP and I have started being really careful after DP said ‘shit’ during a phone conversation while we were in a cab and 18 mo dd piped up repeating ‘shit shit shit’ Blush I personally would try not to swear while around children or in day to day conversation, but not everyone does. All you can do is teach dc not to repeat any bad language they hear.

jaseyraex · 06/05/2018 08:45

I'm not a swearer. DH is, every second word out his mouth used to be a swear word. He's got better at not swearing since we had children, but he does swear a lot if he goes on a rant about work. DS has started telling him "stop swearing daddy!" Grin

I did have a nice moment on the bus the other day where the man sat infront of me and DS was swearing like a trouper on a phone call. Once he heard DS talking he turned around and apologised like mad for swearing so much saying he didn't realise a child was behind him. He absolutely didn't have to apologise but it was very nice of him all the same. As long as you're teaching your kids not to repeat the words then I think thats all you can do!

TheOriginalEmu · 06/05/2018 08:48

mrsjamin yes, i would stay silent, because I don't care. its just a word.

there's a spoken word poet called scroobius pip and he says about swearing...

Nothing's original, I stole this flow from The Creator
And from some others too, can't think right now, I'll name 'em later
If I say fuck a lot, well then I may gain more attention
If I say cunt, well then with some of you there will be tension

I find this interesting, cause in the end they are just words
You give them power when you cower, man, it's so absurd
But all that was covered by Lenny Bruce, back in the day
Nothing's original, now I'm repeating what I say

and i really believe that to be true. it's just sounds. its only offensive if you choose to be offended.

SarahSiddons · 06/05/2018 08:50

“Swearing is very casual these days and it is absolutely everywhere”

No it isn’t. Not in my home and not in my workplace and generally not much the places I go either. I do swear sometimes but not casually and not absolutely everywhere.

WrongOnTheInternet · 06/05/2018 08:51

It's a case of different contexts isn't it - I use low level swearing, that many wouldn't call swearing, and build up to something more serious for emphasis when I want to. For me 'f*' is bloody aggressive (see what I mean) and totally inappropriate to be using at random in the street, and certainly not in front of children. For those who use it every other word it doesn't have that same connotation of aggression.

There is a whole region in the east midlands where many really do say f* every other word. I don't like it. One question I've always wanted to ask is what on earth do they do when they really want to swear?

mustbemad17 · 06/05/2018 08:54

I hate this & did approach a group of young teenagers sat in the park yesterday about it. There's no need for it, especially in a kids' play park! Me & DP swear, but we make a conscious effort to tone it down when any kids are about!
The teenagers were mortified that we could hear them & apologised, had no issues after that.

Nanny0gg · 06/05/2018 08:56

I have no children, I don’t know anyone with children. I have never had to filter my language. I’m now in a children’s theme park and am trying to filter my language however ... it’s not automatic. Teach your child it is naughty, it’s not my responsibility.

Why is swearing such an automatic thing that you need to 'filter' your language in public?

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 06/05/2018 08:57

My Grandpa taught us that people swear when they are not clever enough to think of appropriate words to say. We got the message that he felt it was laziness and for me that stuck. In my job I can't ever swear so it's not something I do. I do find it sad that f... is now used as an adjective to describe anything or anyone.
I'm not a prude but I have never seen the point outside of an exclamation when you hurt yourself.

Helmetbymidnight · 06/05/2018 08:59

It says to me - that swearing person may have a limited vocabulary, but other than that doesn't bother me or the s at all.
I always wonder what people think will happen if your kids hear a lot of swearing?

flowermug2 · 06/05/2018 08:59

When I was a child, I said the F word in Year 5 and told on myself to my parents because I felt so guilty!!

Few years later, I was swearing every other sentence.

I do try to reign it in when kids are around... Including mine. The odd "shit" might slip out though...

I remember being told off for saying "bugger" as a kid 😆

MissTeri · 06/05/2018 09:15

YABU.

Nothing happens to a child when they hear a swear, it doesn't mean they'll suddenly explode or be harmed in any way. I do moderate my language when I'm around children because I know people can be precious about it but I don't mind if people swear around my 7 year old, I tell him that it's frowned upon for young children to swear and I'd like it if he didn't repeat certain words. My son will be, and has been, exposed to lots of different behaviours that I take a dim view of but it's my responsibility, as his parent, to teach him what is acceptable or unacceptable. It is not, however, my responsibility to police other peoples behaviour.

As for people who swear having a limited vocabularly - what absolute bollocks! Stephen Fry, for example, has a rather extensive vocabularly and he's a sweary person!

FASH84 · 06/05/2018 09:21

I think YANBU in a setting aimed at children, eg play park, playground at school etc, but the guy in the cafe doesn't even care you're there, just tell DC that man is very rude and we don't say words like that. I once saw an argument in the pub I worked in because a guy swore and someone had a go about it. It's a pub, an adult environment, we sold no food, had no kids play area etc. They'll hear worse at school, and swearing really isn't the end of the world, mind you I started life in the East end.... 😂