To be upset about his use of 'I'?

[YayImALlamaAgain]

So DP and I were sitting down tonight talking whilst playing cards, and he said "Do you remember when I lost such-and-such game" - except he didn't lose - we did, as we played as a team.

I know it sounds a bit silly to be annoyed at this but he's talking to me and not a third party. We were both equally part of the team but it feels a bit like he's decided to write me out of history.

If this was a singular event I could get past it, but very recently he referenced our car as 'my car' (his car) - silly oversight you might think - except he didn't pay for the car, doesn't have a full license to drive a car, does not pay any of the car running costs and is not insured to drive my car (and has in fact NEVER actually driven this car).

I called him on his usage on 'I' this evening and now he's annoyed at me - AIBU?

Slight overreaction...

yabu. I say my car, its our car but its also mine.

So over sensitive

I called him on his usage on 'I' this evening and now he's annoyed at me - AIBU?

I don't really get why he is annoyed. If my DH called my car his I would say, "it's my car" and he would say something along the lines of ,"well you know what I mean" and neither of us would think anymore of it. Why was he annoyed? You were in the team and you do own the car.

I called him on his usage on 'I' this evening

You called him on his usage of I? Wow. Huge overreaction and that would piss me off too. He is allowed to choose his own language and words you know.

FWIW there is nothing more irritating than women (and it is usually women) who seem to use the capability to use the word I when in a couple - even when they are really just talking about themselves.

usually deployed with a confirmatory "don't we?" and a look at the partner.

we like steak and chips don't we
Tuscany was great didn't we think so

You are being stupidly oversensitive.

*seem to lose the capability

Overreaction.
I talk about 'my car' and how I might drive 'his car'. The reality is I largely bought both of them and even then they are both OUR cars.
DH will talk about his garage. It's ours but he uses it more than me. Who cares? It's hardly writing me out of history.

I kind of understand that it's a bit sensitive but I worked hard to earn the thins I have and yet I still consider them 'ours'. Every time he references them as mine it be there's me because I feel like he's excluding me from the achievement (though I do think this might be because we come from very different backgrounds).

He does it in reference to just about anything - we had friends over recently and he spoke about the changes he'd made in his house (joint ownership - wouldn't even have it I hadn't saved the deposit, put in the offer, etc). I just would like to be recognised as a team rather than excluded in reference, is that really U?

Assuming this isn't an isolated incident I actually know where you're coming from.
DH talks about 'his' car (actually mine on the documents!) and, more annoyingly, 'my' dishwasher

It bothers me (stupid sausage fingers)!

Yanbu

I had a boyfriend like this once.
We'd be in the car on the way to see friends and I'd hear him on my phone to them saying things like 'I'm on my way.' Made it sound like I wasn't even there!
I know it's only a little thing, but if it's symptomatic of selfish and thoughtless behaviour in general, then it becomes much more of a 'thing'.

YABU and over reacting.
dh and I have 3dc. If I'm talking to a friend about one of them, I'd say "my ds" / "my dd". If I mentioned our home, I'd say "where I live", and so forth. It is mine. It is dh's as well, but that doesn't stop it being mine.

I find it really odd when people do this although I have never really figured out whether there is a deeper meaning behind it (selfish, doesn't see you as a team) or it is just a turn of phrase. I know people who will say 'I am going on holiday to Germany next week' when they are going with their partner and kids. Does he say that kind of thing too?

Okay, actually I do disagree with some of you because I think you referencing different ways you use pronouns.

Talking about the game we lost - it's a bit like going on holiday with your DP/DH and then he coming home and him saying 'do you remember that holiday I went on' instead of the holiday 'we went on^ - would you honestly not be a little I think if he discluded you from the event in reference?

As for the car thing - I get what you are saying when talking about joint ownership but one of you predominantly drives a particular car - but in this case DP can't even drive a car! It's my car and I will allow our Car but I'm not happy him taking ownership in reference to it.

Aww OP

Talking about the game we lost - it's a bit like going on holiday with your DP/DH and then he coming home and him saying 'do you remember that holiday I went on' instead of the holiday 'we went on^ - would you honestly not be a little I think hmm if he discluded you from the event in reference?

But thats an entirely different thing. If himself was telling me about something we did together as if he did it on his own, I'd assume he had forgotten we did it together, otherwise why would he be telling me anyway?

He does the "I'm going on holiday thing" too. Maybe it is just general thoughtfulness, but it bothers me because I just wouldn't exclude him from things when talking to others. We are a team and I want to include him. I thought that was normal from partnerships

YANBU at all. I know someone who does this all the time and it fits perfectly with his mostly very selfish behaviour.

Yeah, DH does this too. It's a sign of his overall self-centredness and failure to acknowledge other people's existence in his life and priorities.
I do tell him this, he does accept that he does it, but sadly he feels no need to address it and change.

YANBU. I’d find it really weird too. What’s he like in other ways?

There's a difference between DH talking about, eg, "I went to such-and-such a place" when he's talking to his mates and you're not present, and DH in a conversation which includes you saying "I went..." to somewhere that you'd both been together. I'd feel a bit hurt by the second one, so I understand where you're coming from.

Yeah, I have to say I do dislike it when I hear that and suspect it does mean the person is a bit selfish but a few very kind people I know say it so I really don't know. I reckon YANBU to find it annoying though.

If himself was telling me about something we did together as if he did it on his own, I'd assume he had forgotten we did it together, otherwise why would he be telling me anyway?

Well to be fair, he would have to at least remember that I was there for me to remember the event - and considering we were talking about a quiz (typically a team event), if he didn't think I was participating with him then what the hell would I be doing?

He was reminiscing because we were doing another quiz tonight - he said 'do you remember when I...?", I called him out, said I was there too and actually you seem to say I a lot, and he got annoyed with comment and is now in a mood.

Is he generally self-centred and selfish? Because if it's just a turn of phrase; meh.

I get it op but then It used to irk me when my football loving exdp used to use 'we' to talk about whatever team it was. We did this or that, blah blah. No, no. You sat on the couch and read your twitter feed, or maybe at best you watched the tv coverage. You didn't win / lose / score any goals / offer any meaningful support through attendance at the stadium. Don't ascribe any connection between yourself and the athletic successes or failures of an entirely unrelated group of people through incorrect grammar!

And don't get me started on 'we're pregnant'! Words matter, they should be chosen with due care and attention to whoever is hearing them and if it bothers you that your partner does this, he should take the time to understand why.