To be upset about his use of 'I'?

[YayImALlamaAgain]

So DP and I were sitting down tonight talking whilst playing cards, and he said "Do you remember when I lost such-and-such game" - except he didn't lose - we did, as we played as a team.

I know it sounds a bit silly to be annoyed at this but he's talking to me and not a third party. We were both equally part of the team but it feels a bit like he's decided to write me out of history.

If this was a singular event I could get past it, but very recently he referenced our car as 'my car' (his car) - silly oversight you might think - except he didn't pay for the car, doesn't have a full license to drive a car, does not pay any of the car running costs and is not insured to drive my car (and has in fact NEVER actually driven this car).

I called him on his usage on 'I' this evening and now he's annoyed at me - AIBU?

I think I'd agree with you if he was taking unfair sole credit for an achievement, but he's just referring to nouns as his. His car, his house, his game of cards. But all of those things are his. They are also yours.

I doubt he was sulking because you'd called him out on it as pp suggested, more like frustrated because you sound like someone who could start an argument in a paper bag.

more like frustrated because you sound like someone who could start an argument in a paper bag.

Really, you got that from this post? Or maybe me responding is reinforcing your opinion...

Thank you for all the posters who understand. I honestly do get referencing something as your own on occasion to friends but it does seem like a common occurrence thinking about it. I put more into the house than he does on balance (higher earner (when not on Mat leave), I organise and pay for all the holidays, but all the furniture directly from my wage, drive us everywhere in MY car. I suppose I just want to be recognised for that. We’ve been together a decade and he’s great in many other ways but I think he might just be a little bit thoughtless sometimes.

I would find it highly weird if speaking to a sibling, either of us said "my mum" - it would be either "mum" or our mum. My would say she belonged to her and NOT me.

Most people would find that one odd surely?

Yes op, I got it from the fact that you detailed the cause of the argument and to me it sounded ridiculous.

@RainySeptember That’s fair enough - but on the other hand I can’t help thinking after being with womeone for a decade if something bothers me I’m okay to just mention it.

But each to their own I guess

someone*

You did more than just mention it though, you said you were 'annoyed' and 'called him out on it'.

Then, when he got annoyed right back, you posted here.

It all seems so daft to me. After a decade, if this is the only thing that bugs you, you're doing well. I wonder whether there's anything you do that bugs him?

Of course you're allowed to mention it to him. But I'm allowed to think that you're being a bit dramatic and thin-skinned. I disagree that he's 'writing you out of history', or diminishing your achievements, or any of your other perceptions. I also dislike that you mention that you financially contribute more to the household. All just my opinion, but might shine a little light on his thoughts on the matter possibly.

I see lots of threads on here where married women refer to their child or children as mine or my rather than ours.

But where people refer to their child as mine most people, if the thread also mentions an oh, ask if the child is also the partners. The poster saying my child, when also referring to their partner in sane context, is appearing to be saying the child isn't the child of the other half as well.

I get you, OP. My DP often says things like 'how much I pay for the electricity/mortgage/etc' when we're talking about finances and budgeting. I find it quite insulting, and I always pick him up on it, as it implies that I DON'T pay anything towards or care about our finances and living costs.

Shatners
I do that. Because I’m here as me. Not as the collectivity of dh and me. Op is discussing ownership of property. Completely different seeing as neither dh nor I own our dd. Dh also talks about his dd. I have no issue there. In fact, I when I spoke to him earlier today, I said something about your daughter. It’s nice to acknowledge it both ways iyswim.

It’s not the only thing that bugs me by far, but I thought the purpose of AIBU was literally to ask who is being unreasonable in a particular scenario - which is exactly why I posted here.

I didn’t post the whole argument initially because it wasn’t relevant, but some posters asked in regards to context to I provided that.

He’s probably not ‘writing me out of history’, but I do think this kind of language does exclude me and i don’t think it’s very nice.

And the comment about me earring more was in a response to a PP asking if I’m happy with my financial contributions.

This is definitely one of those scenarios that if I don’t provide additional information I’m wrong because we ‘don’t know how things normally are’ but if I do provide more information I’m also wrong too.

I still maintain that calling things ‘yours’ or only mentioning that you were in a particular place (to the very person who was there with you) is a bit dismissive. Maybe I am thin skinned but there is also a possibility that I’m not being unreasonable to expect DP to remember I exist when talking about our shared experiences or my belongings.

Yes and I think YABU, while plenty of posters think YANBU. If you ask the question, you should expect a range of responses imo.

Has he now agreed to choose his words more carefully?

This isn't the same as my/our children.

It's more like him picking up your jeans and saying "I'll hang my jeans up".

I get you OP and I think YANBU
My ex used to do exactly this - eg 'I'm going on holiday', 'I'm moving house' etc, never 'we'. I used to just get left out and almost forgotten about . Looking back it was very much part of a pattern of behaviour that was deliberately meant to make me feel small and undervalued.
I'm not saying that's definitely the same in your case but I do know exactly how you feel and I empathise.

I suppose it bothers me when someone else wants to take full ownership for everything in my life
It would bother me too - especially when if i was the one financing everything.
I think he does know what he's doing, he just doesn't want you calling him out on it and thinks he can train you to not question him by being passive aggressive and using emotional blackmail.

It sounds like he has the thinking "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too".
Perhaps if you insisted on him increasing his financial contribution to the lifestyle he enjoys he might learn to have some respect?
If you split i bet he'd want 50% of everything too.

🧟‍♂️ Zombie thread 🧟‍♂️

Ohhh no! When I first met DH he used to get upset about stuff like this too. If I was talking about something we owned together and I called it mine, he'd get all insecure! Like I didn't want to own stuff with him or something. Bless him. But it used to drive mad! It's just a figure out speech! You're massively overthinking it! Thank God he's stopped that now (after I had a few almighty strops about it myself! Haha)