to be annoyed that ds has only had one merit certificate

[DorothyL]

He's in year 6,has progressive vision loss, mild hearing loss, respiratory issues, mobility issues. No friends and recently been at the receiving end of some nasty peer behaviour which school knows and (slowly) dealt with.
Tries hard in school and does not misbehave. On the spectrum, emotionally young.

Every week two children get a merit.
26 weeks now, so each child in theory should have had one and 26 a second one.
Aibu that considering ds really doesn't have the easiest time it would be nice for him to have had two, esp when recently he's been upset socially?

Yes, I agree. Could you mention it to teacher? I think it is important to recognise his effort and achievement. Especially with all his difficulties.

This sort of thing is usually an administrative error. A quick word with the teacher should sort it out.

My kids school has the same thing, except its 'student of the week' or 'handwriting champion of the week'. I know that kids get at least one per year (as my youngest has won for handwriting twice, and her handwriting... leaves a lot to be desired.) but it encourages them in leaps and bounds.

Playing devils advocate, if your son has been the victim of bullying behaviour they might be holding back from the second one in case other kids single him out for it.

I think Id say to the school that hes been trying so hard to get the cert lately and really needs some encouragement.

Do mention it to the teacher, they are often busy and some children do get overlooked for all sorts of reasons. In my DCs primary school disproportionate numbers of merits went to quiet, well behaved, hard working girls with neat handwriting. I only realised this at a parents' evening when I saw another parent looking at their DCs merit folder - it was stuffed full, probably equivalent to almost one per week. This child may well have deserved lots of merits but if they are routinely given to the most able/best behaved children in the class it is a disincentive to the others. I know people would prefer to believe that teachers are fair but some are better than others at recognising the progress/improvement/effort of every individual in their class.

I'm fairly certain that at ds' school it's done alphabetically by surname for the first certificate and the second one might be by birthday or alphabetically by first name.
At any rate over 4 years he's got 2 every year at almost exactly the same week (within 1 week).

My DD was an invisible , clever well behaved girl. She had one star of the week in Y5. (none in the other years).

May be an unpopular opinion, but I never thought of the certificates as anything other than an encouragement to those in a less fortunate situation to feel like they are achieving something.

They are meaningless if everyone gets them, they are fairly meaningless if the kids who should get them don't.

But to some kids they mean the earth.

I'm not sure about the maths, 26x2=52 merits available and you don't say how many kids are in the class?

I got the numbers wrong - 30 in the class so 22 potentially had a second one.

Chances are he'll have a second one in the nect 8 weeks then eh? At ds2's school these things work out exactly equal by year's end. You know you'll get 2, just not when.

Well because I am that crazed mother I have gone through the newsletter photos.
Everybody's had one, 15 had two, three have had three and one has had four!!

Wow. Just wow.

Is he the only one who has only had one, or are their others?
Agree nobody should get 3 or 4 if there aren't enough weeks for everyone to even get 2, but it's not like they're singling him out if he has had one and others have also only had 1.

I also have two quiet and studious dd's, they never got merits either but I never questioned it with the school because they had plenty of good stuff happening to them anyway which I told them.
But ds frankly has a tough life, healthwise and socially.
Why can I not feel aggrieved that the school is not giving him an emotional boost when he's really struggled in recent weeks, which the school knows full well?

Ehhhh... I think you should be concentrating on what DS is achieving rather than the rewards. Is he particularly bothered about merit points? If he is, it's a teaching moment on dealing with disappointment, and if he isn't, well, it doesn't matter one jot!
Of course as adults we already realise, it doesn't matter one jot, there's no link between how he's been struggling socially and a merit system.

Just to add, he sounds like a really sweet kid, I'm sure he does his best and is a credit to you! I apprieciate you're worried about him

It's not that simple because ds's understanding of social situations is not that advanced. He sees others receiving awards many times over and all he sees is that he is being left out.

I can totally see why you're upset, can you either make a big thing how his sisters never got merit points and they don't care, or show him that LOADS of other people in his class have just the one as well, or... 'silly merit points' they don't mean anything, let's do something fun instead ?

Ofsted told off my secondary school for failing to acknowledge my achievements, after none other than (unbeknownst to me, or my mum) my parish council of all bodies complained on my behalf. Still feel schadenfreude to this day

I absolutely get that kids need encouraging, but in spite of having numerous accolades to disperse in all subjects and areas of conduct, they didn't give me any recognition for the most significant academic achievement they had before or since (oh and coaching several of my friends to perform well, and providing resources for the whole group when the teacher bailed).

Sometimes schools (humans generally) are just a bit shit at things that are obvious.

Is he actually bothered about not getting the merit awards?

Because that would influence how I acted.
If he’s getting upset and demoralised about it, then I’d mention that to his teacher.
But if he seems fine about other kids getting the merit awards, I’d leave it.

I know when DS1 was in Reception, I was far more upset about him not getting his school’s equivalent awards than he was. DS1 couldn’t have cared less about the merit awards.

He does have a cry about it every Friday.

I think that (at least in Primaries) some awards could be for Smartest uniform or best listener - covers those who struggle with being Best Writer/Reader/Story etc. ie the top 5 that are teachers favorite.

Totally agree. Poor boy. Sounds like a rotten time. Hope it gets better

Thank you

If he’s upset enough about it to be crying every Friday, then personally I’d be having a quiet word with the teacher.
They probably don’t realise how much this matters to your DS.

Probably not, though I'm still astounded that they can't think of it themselves when I've raised his social difficulties since just after Christmas.