to be annoyed that ds has only had one merit certificate

[DorothyL]

He's in year 6,has progressive vision loss, mild hearing loss, respiratory issues, mobility issues. No friends and recently been at the receiving end of some nasty peer behaviour which school knows and (slowly) dealt with.
Tries hard in school and does not misbehave. On the spectrum, emotionally young.

Every week two children get a merit.
26 weeks now, so each child in theory should have had one and 26 a second one.
Aibu that considering ds really doesn't have the easiest time it would be nice for him to have had two, esp when recently he's been upset socially?

In my DCs primary school disproportionate numbers of merits went to quiet, well behaved, hard working girls with neat handwriting
I would expect a disproportionate number to be given to kids who were quiet, well behaved and hard working as opposed to noisy, badly behaved and lazy to be fair

Pengwwwn I said working hard and trying his best in spite of difficulties is worthy of a merit

Oh FGS don’t try and engage with Peng on educational issues OP

She was a victim of an early Jules Verne type cryogenic experiment and has only recently been defrosted, Victorian pedagogical ideas in tact

Just smile and wave.

Thank you for the heads up, I didn't realise!

Thing is though, you don't know how hard all the other kids are working, what problems they may be having and addressing. Or exactly what the merits were awarded for in every case. Yes, your son may deserve it, but the teacher obviously thought the other awards were merited also.
By all means speak to the teacher, but why do you think your son deserves it ahead of others? It all equals out by the end of the year.

I used to be a TA. Not many teachers really think that much about the weekly awards. Quite often the teacher would panic just before assembly and we'd have to quickly come up with a random reason for giving a child star of the week. If it means that much to you your DS then yes have a word with the teacher.

Tbh i think the system at dd school is pointless and i would prefer an award to talent/behaviour etc or something defined. It's not like they can make extra effort towards it like this and completely depends on teacher opinion.
So when they get a reward for whatever the teacher has decided to call it and then think- but i was doing the same as normal or even worse than normal...
The kids see through it. I personally pay no attention to it dont even care who got it or why.

I think you need to have a chat with the teacher about many issues, the least of them being the weekly awards.

Tell her, and he'll probably get it next week. But what happens when he doesn't get it the week after? Or the one after that? Will you keep going through the newsletter and tracking how many times each student gets it? (That's pretty obsessive behaviour btw. I would have no idea which kids in my son's class have had an award and who hasn't.). I think you need to put a lot less emphasis on a printed and laminated piece of paper that really means nothing, and more time on the important issues that your child is dealing with.

DorothyL

And I'm not saying it isn't. It's just that you don't know the circumstances of the other students, so it is quite unreasonable to demand the teacher bumps him up her list, when there may be other deserving students. I am sure he will get one if he deserves one, but I don't think the timing of that is for you to dictate.

Battleax

Nice! I like your thinking.

How exactly is it Victorian to remind the OP that there are other children, who might be equally deserving?

I asked the teacher if she could give my dc (with additional needs) some guidance on achieving merits as she was falling behind on charts. I don't know the rationale behind the merits so it was impossible to explain it myself.

My dc's school do a similar thing. Every Friday 2 children from each class get a red merit certificate and 1 child in the school gets the head teachers special award which is a big yellow certificate and a medal.

I've got 3 dc at the school at the moment. Year 5, year 2 and year R. Ds1 is now at secondary and he got the headteacher's award once, in year 1 I think. None of my others have had it. So far this year my dc3 in year 2 has had one red merit certificate but neither of my others have had one yet.

Our son never had a certificate for anything in year 2. I was livid by the end of the year.
I told his teacher that surely she could have found something, anything to praise him for at least once in the year but got nothing from her.
That year I refused to to organise the year end class present and I also refused to contribute to it.

I do know that no other child in the class has as many issues with his health and general progress as ds - that's why he has an EHCP and the others don't.

DorothyL

But you still don't know what the children are or are not doing to deserve their merits. 'He has an EHCP' isn't a good enough reason for you to be telling the teacher she should be rewarding your child over and above others who might deserve if. You are being very unreasonable.

It sounds like there are bullying issues and that the school needs to step up and start dealing with this pronto.

If the merit certificate is causing bad feelings and worry like this among children, perhaps they need to get rid of it altogetherand I'm kind of surprised that such a system is going on for Y6sthey are almost secondary school age. As others have pointed out, most kids will see through it at this age.

When a student who has special needs is clearly trying their best, I'd rather see some warm words of genuine praise from a teacher in private than a token award (which a group of Y6 bullies will probably just take the piss out of anyway, assuming that the bullying issue is not being tackled).

You have NO idea about what is going on with any other child in the class. I have children dealing with marriage breakdowns, alcoholic parents, drug addicted family members, parents with life limiting illnesses, various health issues, children that don't get fed at home, children who have just come from refugee camps. You won't have that information, and nor should you.

You have one child to care about, teachers have 30 to consider the needs of.

OP if your little boy is getting upset I would definately have a quiet word with her.

I am in a similar position this year in that in a class of 20 my son has not yet been given star pupil and he does mention how he's never the best from time to time. I do feel it's an oversight on her part because I know from this report he's a good child. Quite often though teachers give the certificates to children they feel are struggling that particular week - for example last year he was bullied a bit and when I mentioned it to the teacher she gave him star pupil and he ran out of school jumping about he was so pleased - she winked at me to say that's helped.

So if he's upset have a word as maybe his teacher doesn't realise. He is a little star and deserves all the praise xx

I guess what I'm saying is yes merit certificates have a place for motivating and praising children but it can also hurt the little sensitive souls who go under the radar a bit so to speak. Maybe more hassle than they are worth?

Midnite, I have known the parents and children in ds's class for seven years, so I do know quite a lot about them.

You know what they want you to know!

Sirzy

So basically you get a certificate because mummy complained - is that really positive reinforcement or actually acknowledging merit? Or just a way of pacifying people?

In dds School, idk about pacifying. But receiving these types of certificates are definitely rigged so that every child feels rewarded and recognised. Children get a minimum of one. Dd has only ever got 2 of these in a school year and I’ve not heard of children getting 3/4. There are also higher level certificates, which are only given out at the end of half term to 2 kids per class.

As for my friends dd, she is bright, above average, studious and quiet. She was just overlooked, as I said it’s difficult in a class of 30. It was easy for the teacher to find something positive to reward her on. I don’t think it was because “mummy complained”. She spoke to the teacher and asked them what her dd needed to do to get a certificate. Different angle you see.

sorry didn’t see the two a week thing. If it’s concerning you that much I would have a word with the teacher to find out what your FS could do to earn a certificate (rather than stating he is more deserving). As pp have said any of the children in the class could be dealing with much more difficult issues than your DS. But I do think you need to discuss your DSs reaction to the awards. (Is the teacher trying to teach him to understand that he can’t just expect an award etc (whether or not you agree with this method) if he’s having a tantrum when other kids get one? House Points/merits etc have long been used to reward certain behaviours and removal/withholding to discourage other behaviours. I suspect the teacher is waiting for your DS to clap a long happily when another child gets one before he is awarded his next. But you should be able to discuss this approach with the teacher

Oh bless him, he sounds like he has had a tough time. I would mention it to the teacher and tell him/her that he could really do with a boost. Also worth thinking about whether there are any other ways (e.g. extra curricular) that could make him feel proud of himself and more confident.

He does do drama which helps, but he'd still like to feel more accepted in school.