to be annoyed that ds has only had one merit certificate

[DorothyL]

He's in year 6,has progressive vision loss, mild hearing loss, respiratory issues, mobility issues. No friends and recently been at the receiving end of some nasty peer behaviour which school knows and (slowly) dealt with.
Tries hard in school and does not misbehave. On the spectrum, emotionally young.

Every week two children get a merit.
26 weeks now, so each child in theory should have had one and 26 a second one.
Aibu that considering ds really doesn't have the easiest time it would be nice for him to have had two, esp when recently he's been upset socially?

Definitely chat to teacher. DD was the kind of child who responded really well to that kind of thing and despondent when she felt her efforts were unnoticed. Also not all teachers keep a careful log.

Bracing myself to talk to the teacher - I'm terrible for bursting into tears in situations like that which is just ridiculous

It could be the teacher is waiting to give him a ‘big’ award right at the end of term.

That would be lovely but unlikely - they never do any end of term awards.

Maybe they've been working on the social difficulties since you mentioned them. If a lot of extra time and attention is going into helping with socializing and raising self esteem they might have considered other children first for their second merit who aren't getting any other extra attention.

If you think you are going to cry, then write a letter or email.

Going through the newsletters seems very OTT really, are you sure that in part hour ds being bothered isn’t because you are showing your bothered?

I do think it’s a shame that something that is meant to be something nice and a reflection of someone going that bit above and beyond what they normally do ends up being turned into some sort of competition in fairness!

Speak to the teacher and explain he isnbothered but with another 8 weeks or so left at school I am sure he will get it again.

I'm going to go against the grain here. The awards are merit awards, it isn't a taking turns thing. If he is getting this upset every week, do speak to the teacher, but they might tell you to speak to him and help him to manage his feelings rather than reacting by giving him an award that, in the teacher's view, is deserved by another child that week.

Pengggwn, being socially excluded, battling daily with health problems, but still going to school and trying your best every day, which is what ds does - worthy of a merit I think?

Sirsy, I totally appreciate it's ott. If ds was "normal" I'd give myself the award for most over involved crazy mother of the century.
But ds's life is a daily struggle because of his health needs, and this has been exacerbated in recent months by the social difficulties. And that's why I think it would be the right thing for school to do to give him some positive reinforcement.

At primary school, it is very much about taking it in turns.

I agree that you absolutely should speak to the teacher. My friend did the same thing for her dd and the next week she had a certificate. It’s difficult when there’s a class of 30 kids.

But that would simply be a sticking plaster surely? It isn’t going to tackle the bigger issue so (and I say it as a Mum of a child with a whole host of difficulties including socially) seems a strange thing to become so obsessive about.

Positive reinforcement comes in lots of other ways too not just From a piece of paper

My friend did the same thing for her dd and the next week she had a certificate

So basically you get a certificate because mummy complained - is that really positive reinforcement or actually acknowledging merit? Or just a way of pacifying people?

Of course, just a short term fix.
Sadly I am not getting the impression that school is doing much else either.

If I say something and he gets it next time ds won't need to know that's why he got it.

I think I am really just frustrated generally with the school. I have raised ds's difficulties many times now but nobody ever gets back to me to give me an update.

And situations like a whole group of boys leaving the table where ds tries to sit with them at lunchtime are just so horrible

But surely there’s only been about 33 school weeks so far this academic year? So prob at the most only 3 pupils into the second round? Also you don’t know what issues the other kids are struggling with or what achievements they make.

Could you do your own merit award each Friday about something good he has done within the family? This takes the focus off the school award which seems to have become a bit of an obsession.

Schools should drop them altogether if this is the angst they are causing.

Life, there's two a week getting it. Some children have had three...

Good idea, Emma

I think I’d be more concerned with the school not getting back to you about concerns you have raised.

Make an appointment with the SENCO?

Yes I need to do that as well

You could ask what strategies they are using to improve self esteem and tell them how motivated he is by rewards.

Good luck.

By Y6, these are surely given out on genuine merit rather than a "going through the alphabet exercise"? so whilst I agree that it sounds that OP's son has done very well, she has know way of knowing if in a given week, 2 other children have done better!

Personally, I'd be teaching him to value his achievements as things in himself rather than because he gets a certificate.

But yes, agree with talking to school about boosting his confidence (NOT about giving him a merit certificate).

DorothyL

Being socially excluded worthy of a merit? Can't say I agree there, OP. There are other students, they will also have done things worthy of being rewarded. The teacher will decide when it is appropriate to reward your DS, not you.

Please can we agree to retire “Wow. Just wow” to the care home for ridiculous cliches?

OP hasn’t even said anything particularly outrageous.

OP nobody ever agrees on this subject, but if you think another certificate would be meaningful and encouraging to your DS, go and have a quiet word, emphasising lavishly how positive the eff ct of the first certificate was and what a great scheme it all is etc