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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go swimming with a dad ...

113 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:29

I'm friends with a local dad. I take DS2 swimming in the afternoons sometimes. The dad has suggested that he and his DD tag along sometime. (We do things in the afternoon pretty often, the four of us, or the six of us when we have our older kids with us.)

Frankly, I find swimming with a female friend slightly stressful and weird. I don't exactly live in a burka or anything, but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo and I just really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

(And yes, I do sometimes run into dads I know at the pool, and I'm friendly and nice, and it's fine really. But I wouldn't set out to run into a bloke there!)

OP posts:
cylonbabe · 15/05/2007 20:34

i dont think you are being at all unreasonable.
sounds normal to me.

MaureenMLove · 15/05/2007 20:36

I know exactly how you feel! I hate going swimming for that very reason. Trouble is,I know its not exactly unreasonable but it is irrational! Sorry!

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 15/05/2007 20:37

YABU

totally odd

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 15/05/2007 20:37

"but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo "

eh may NOT fancy you

imagine!

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:38

I don't think he does fancy me. I certainly don't think I am a creature of such ravishing beauty that he would be thunderstruck by my marvellousness in a swimsuit!

I just know I would feel uncomfortable.

It's not like I'm generally comfortable in a swimsuit anyway.

I agree that it's irrational.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/05/2007 20:39

YABU.

chocolattegirl · 15/05/2007 20:40

I don't like swimmming per se. Sitting in the hydro pool is more my thing anyway .

motherinferior · 15/05/2007 20:40

I sort of know what you mean, although have quite happily chatted to other parents while happening to meet them in the pool.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:41

The pool we'd be going to is a beach-style one, so you spend a lot of time ankle-deep in water, basically standing around in a swimsuit.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:42

Oh, I'm perfectly friendly to parents in the pool, I ran into a dad I know the other weekend. It's not like I hide in the corner or anything.

But frankly, I went swimming with a reasonably close female friend the other week, and I found that a bit freaky tbh, so I can't see that I'd be more comfortable with a bloke.

I can't really see how I can get out of this, though, particularly with half-term coming up. I will have to motor through I think. He's good company and good with the kids, we do things together rather a lot.

OP posts:
glassslipper · 15/05/2007 20:43

yabu.

rowan1971 · 15/05/2007 20:44

I think I know what you mean, NQC. It's like staying over at a friend's house and seeing them in the morning in their dressing gown, before they've washed their face. TMI.

MamaMaiasaura · 15/05/2007 20:44

yes, i think you are being unreasonable. It probably took him guts to ask. It is more unsual for a dad to be looking after the kids and I expect it could be isolating.

FlossALump · 15/05/2007 20:44

Thing is - would the kids enjoy it? Once you are in the water unless he is trying really hard to look there isn't a great deal to see really. And if he does try hard to look, then be flattered but don't go again!

WigWamBam · 15/05/2007 20:46

He won't be looking at you - he'll be watching his kids. He won't be any different to any of the other men who are in the pool at the same time.

It would be nice for your ds to have some company in the pool, wouldn't it?

speccy · 15/05/2007 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:46

Oh, awen, he's not isolated, trust me - he has lots of mum friends. His DD goes to the same co-op as my DS1, and we're around at each other's houses at least once a week, often more. No, it doesn't take guts for him to ask, it's perfectly normal, we're always doing stuff together.

But yeah, I also don't want to see him in a swimsuit, no thank you.

Hmmm, I could always take off my glasses for swimming. That would make me more comfortable. But then I can't see DS1 if he goes too far away. Grrr.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:47

Oh, I don't mind other men being in the pool! I just don't want to go swimming with a bloke I know! (I'm not that keen on swimming with women I know, either.)

Ok, so some of you think I'm a freak, and some of you understand. I guess that's about normal.

OP posts:
glassslipper · 15/05/2007 20:48

i just think youre thinking too much about the whole thing. he sounds like a nice guy. my dh takes dd swimming often and would be gutted if some of our swimming mum friends felt uncofortable.

Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 20:49

I would hate to even swim with men let alone go with a male friend! I mean if you were dating them, you wouldn't let them see that much until whatever date so swimming with someone you aren't even dating...oooh

Added to which, I would die if someone other than DH saw my stretch marks!!!

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:49

He is a nice guy, we get along well.

Ok, I should just get over it.

Thing is, I go swimming basically never, so I just am not comfortable in my swimming costume. DS2 is pretty mad for swimming atm, so I will no doubt end up going swimming more these days ...

OP posts:
glassslipper · 15/05/2007 20:51

why dont you go and get a new swimsuit? maybe one with a skirty bit, that you might feel more comfortable in?

rowan1971 · 15/05/2007 20:52

Get one of them burqinis. It will be a talking point.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 20:56

LOL at eyeing up his speedo clad lunchbox

No you're not being unreasonable. The thought of displaying my wobbly thighs to anyone is horrific.

But I guess we don't wear burkhas in our culture so you just have to gulp and do it

speccy · 15/05/2007 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.