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to not want to go swimming with a dad ...

113 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:29

I'm friends with a local dad. I take DS2 swimming in the afternoons sometimes. The dad has suggested that he and his DD tag along sometime. (We do things in the afternoon pretty often, the four of us, or the six of us when we have our older kids with us.)

Frankly, I find swimming with a female friend slightly stressful and weird. I don't exactly live in a burka or anything, but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo and I just really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

(And yes, I do sometimes run into dads I know at the pool, and I'm friendly and nice, and it's fine really. But I wouldn't set out to run into a bloke there!)

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:35

I know they do.

But actually, judging by the size of the mothers I generally see in the pools (and the size of the mothers I see out of the pools), I'm far from the only one who's not comfortable in a swimming costume.

I think DS2 would like to go with my friend's DD, at least when he's stopped saying he's not friends with her because she shouts at him too much.

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:35

loud and proud nqc

NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:35

I don't know where there's a BHS.

My options at the easy shopping place are:

  • gap
  • M+S
  • topshop
  • oasis

Um, lots more like that. No BHS.

Oh, there's a John Lewis, I'll go there.
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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:36

My existing ones are purple and navy. I am a bit too pale to pull off black, I think.

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:36

hm where are you?

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:37

odnt og to teenaged shops they will eb crap
try makrs and or john leiws

or a sports shop fo a speedo

Chelseamum · 16/05/2007 08:38


I do think that if you don't fancy exposing your body infront of a man then don't do it.

I totally understand whenre you are coming from. I don't think you are the shy type but perhaps not feeling totally confident about your body.

I would jokingly tell him that if you were Elle Mcpehrson you woudl feel more happy about it!

You don't need to do anything you don't want to do...we are adults know!

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:39

oh god NO do it
its hardly hard core porn
tis a mum in a costume
do not let us women imprison oursleves any more fgs becuase of societal norms

NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:39

Oh, I know I can't buy my swimsuit from Topshop or DottyP (although all my other clothes are from there ).

I don't think the local sports shops do swimsuits. I'll check.

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Chelseamum · 16/05/2007 08:42

if you buy a cheap swimsuit make sure it s the right size as sometimes they expand in the water!

NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:42

Yeah, I don't think I can be the 'I would rather look like Elle MacPherson' woman. I think I will do it, it will be fine.

I might manage to go cossie shopping beforehand, though. Actually, my navy blue one isn't that bad, reasonably low cut, racer back, some colour on it, etc etc. Speedo.

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:43

The navy blue one is fairly sturdy, too. Thicker than my purple one, anyway.

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fishie · 16/05/2007 08:43

i have recently done extensive swimming costume research.

there's a bhs at ilford, although not terribly handy for you i believe? johnl cw has paltry selection, they have more exercise wear. in fact the whole shopping centre is a bit crap for swimwear.

speedo have good ones with shorts leg and even a few with proper cups in, they were waiting for new stock at beginning of march. their shop is in covent garden, neal st.

i got this in the end it is really nice and they are a great company - arrived next day too.

fishie · 16/05/2007 08:44

speedo new stock end of MAY

NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:47

Oh, nice site. They show you what the back looks like!

I keep looking at swimsuits online, and not knowing what the back is like, which kinda matters!

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:48

Yeah, CW and City are my nearest shopping 'areas'.

Frankly, town is more tempting than Ilford. I'm not even sure where Ilford is.

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fishie · 16/05/2007 08:51

there must be a good sports shop somewhere in teh city. i work in west end so tend to go there. Ilford is (oh dear) in Essex and can be found by train from liv st. It also has a debenhams, m&s, wallis, sml top shop and all your other favourites, so is actually very handy. but the ilfordites are a bit wearing.

NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:53

I like this one, but really would have to see it on to know how I actually felt about it.

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:53

(And yeah, it's mostly backless, I like that. Although my thin purple suit is Tyr, I think, and it's not aged well.)

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fishie · 16/05/2007 09:03

hmm if you want serious longevity then Speedo Endurance is amazing, my basic black is fine after two years of constant use, have only replaced it out of utter boredom.

i do treat them quite well though, proper rinsing, no shampoo etc.

fishie · 16/05/2007 09:06

that comp is fine with returns too, the first one i got was too big. nice woman in office.

nogoes · 16/05/2007 09:09

So I'm not the only freaky weirdo one then

I know what you mean I was nominated for a work trip to the Bahamas a few years back, thankfully I didn't actually win it as I had nightmares about stripping off on the beach with work colleagues! This was pre ds when I was actually confident with my body but still couldn't handle Roy from Accounts seeing my bits pushed into a bikini.

HenriettaHippo · 16/05/2007 09:21

I don't think it's unreasonable if you feel really uncomfortable, but I do think it's a bit sad that you don't feel comfortable. Can you get a swimming costume that's basically little shorts and a top? He probably hasn't given it any thought at all, and it would be nice for the children. I agree with Awen, and often think if you're a sahd, it could be quite isolating, as most of the classes, groups etc. are women.

you never know, he might be really self conscious too.

Aloha · 16/05/2007 10:19

Lands End is a really good company for swimwear if you hae any body issues. Quite pricey, admittedly, but thick fabric, very supportive and surprisingly flattering. OK, Kate Moss wouldn't wear them but I wouldn't wear a thong on the beach!
YOu can even find swimsuits with skirts.


flattering pattern


dress and swimsuit in one!

I'd just get a regular, thick, supportive, covering tank style swimsuit with a pattern on it and get in the water as quickly as possible. Yes, you'll probably feel uncomfortable for a moment, but it could be fun and once you are in the water I find I don't care.

GColdtimer · 16/05/2007 11:03

nogoes, I know what you mean. I used to go on a lot of work trips and everyone would "meet in the pool" at the hotel after the conference etc. I wouldn't got to a meeting in my underwear so why would I meet work colleagues in my swimming costume. I wish I didn't feel like that but I do!

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