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AIBU?

to not want to go swimming with a dad ...

113 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:29

I'm friends with a local dad. I take DS2 swimming in the afternoons sometimes. The dad has suggested that he and his DD tag along sometime. (We do things in the afternoon pretty often, the four of us, or the six of us when we have our older kids with us.)

Frankly, I find swimming with a female friend slightly stressful and weird. I don't exactly live in a burka or anything, but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo and I just really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

(And yes, I do sometimes run into dads I know at the pool, and I'm friendly and nice, and it's fine really. But I wouldn't set out to run into a bloke there!)

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Tinker · 15/05/2007 23:40

Oh god, I'm completely with you on this. Too much flesh [shudder]

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GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 23:42

Go and spend about £90 on a flattering swimsuit

Yes I know, it's too expensive, but you feel entitled to go swimming in it having spent that money

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Clary · 16/05/2007 00:30

NQC you need to talk yourself into this.

We have seen what you look like and you look fine. Go for a swim session with your nice pal. It's not as tho he'll see you in the changing room, will he?

I do not look fine in a swimmy but love to swim and go on my own and with the kids twice a week. It's fine. Even when I met the (rather dishy) dad of one of DS2's best pals (I only knew the mum before) who spent the entire session playing with his DSs and DS2 who totally abandoned me lol.

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AitchTwoOh · 16/05/2007 01:07

i completely get it. poor dd has never been swimming in her life as i hate it. don't hate my body, as such, in fact i rather like it. nor do i hate getting wet or swimming, per se. but i just can't be arsed with all the shaving and body brushing and frittery business of it all. and the holding in of the tummy.

and i'm short sighted so there's also the 'do i wear specs or do i swim blind?' thing. so, add a bloke to that equation and i'd run for the hills. after getting dressed, of course.

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ruty · 16/05/2007 01:25

I get it too. LOL at the holding of the tummy Aitch. Since having ds i am of the 'wrap a towel around my body until the last second i enter the pool' brigade. He probably won't be looking but i would feel funny.

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 06:15

I just generally refuse to do shaving etc, but in the summer I do my calves, so I can be happy in shorts. But for swimming, wtf am I to do? It doesn't help that I went in a sleeveless outfit to a black tie do, so have stubbley pits rather than properly hairy ones now.

I will probably go, though, it's silly not too, I just will find it stressful and weird, at least initially.

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elsieanjoanne · 16/05/2007 06:36

I generally only shave bits on show below knee an pits! i love swiming have just brought new cozzie with bra cup in an tummy panel! from here

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slimmerjim · 16/05/2007 07:00

I understand. Part of my heart sank when the dad of one of dd's friends said they'd joined the local health club. My thoughts turned to how often we'd bump into each other in the pool with the kids at weekends. Nice people though.

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 07:25

Oh, I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to shop at Bravissimo, I am not impressively-norked. Very pear shaped, but with shoulders.

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tigermoth · 16/05/2007 07:52

Absolutly with you on this, NQC. I know I'd feel odd and tbh, I think you should not feel obligated to do it.

I am of the short sighted, don't wear glasses in pool group, so can see where you are coming from, no pun intended.

I like swimming, and go to the pool quite a lot with ds2. After he has his swimming lesson, I get changed and join him in the water. This means that mums and dads who have been watching the lesson get to see me in a swimsuit which feels a tiny bit odd, but ok as the water comes up to my shoulders once I am in the water.

But you've got to stand around in shallow water, so quite a different matter!

I also belong to an all year round outdoor swimming club - we go to our local lido (not in the winter, though). The pool has a special early morning session for the club so I can get in a nice quiet swim. It is very refreshing.

I am often the only woman - most club members are men between 40 - 70 ( some of them rather nice ). They are all very friendly and chatty and keep inviting me to go into the communal shower afterwards to stand under the showers to wash out the chlorine from my swimsuit. It is a very practical idea, but I know other people (men) would be using the shower with me and it just feels too odd. I make an excuse and rinse out my wetsuit at home.

I think you could consider wearing a wetsuit in the pool. I bought a wetsuit to wear in the cooler months, to keep warm but also to preserve my modesty. (Cool water does rather dramatic things to nipples). The wetsuit stops just above my knees and elbows and I feel much beter in it. As you get towards the summer months you can pick up wetsuit quite cheaply - I heard tescos were doing them for £15.00 last year. I have seen several swimming instructors wearing these types of wetsuits in our pool. You could check with your pool first to see if its acceptable.

I also think you could get away with wearing a T shirt over your swimsuit or shorts. I have seen lots of swimming instructors and some parents doing this both for standing at the side instructing or going into the water. I've also seen lots of swimmers wear a short sarong in the water, which looks lovely.

So if you decide to go with your male friend , I think you have lots of covering-up options. You could easily end up with an outfit that is no more revealing than what you'd wear on a sunny beach.

But honestly, if you still feel odd about it, You Are Not Being Unreasonable to say NO.

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tigermoth · 16/05/2007 07:55

ps - nice to see you, tinker - haven't seen you here for ages!

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powder28 · 16/05/2007 08:14

I have seen many a hirsute woman in the local pool for local people. They chat away for an hour and then leave.

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:16

nqc a good costuemwill solve this
my £££ one form baravissimo make me feel fab and its wuite thick so there are no nipple issues

also find ocloru that suits you
dont go tfor balck it aint sliimign agianst a white swiming pool
fro cheap try bhs - they so lots of speedo type ones wiht longer bodys or even ow cut bottoms
regarding large thighs i am alwayss impressed wiht women of different shapes who go swimming and hte more they hold hteir head high the better they look
went ot a pool party on sunday wiht a slim size 12 woman whominced to the edge of the pool in a ssarong fgs
she looked totally stupid as it was a kids party iwht like three men there and she had nothign to hide.

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:17

fantastic sotume

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:18

and a wetsuit in a lcoal pool woudl look utterly stupid

sorry tm

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:19

shorts tankini

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:20

lower leg swimsuit

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powder28 · 16/05/2007 08:27

I got a really nice Tankini from M&S. They've got loads of nice costumes in.

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:28

I've never seen anyone in a wetsuit at any of our local pools, so would feel silly.

I agree that holding one's head up etc makes a real difference. And I certianly don't muck about wearing a towel to the poolside or any of that crap, what would be the point?

Some of those next swimsuits look nice. The Bravissimo one looks very nice, but starts rather a lot larger than my norks - I am a paltry 36B, and would rather not wear a costume that left them rattling about, so to speak .

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:30

gte a thick one wiht lots os lycra
god i have eseen you neck donw
utterly normal nqc
stop being a poof

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:30

I think I'll go try some swimsuits on - a racerback one would be best, but it would be nice to have a bit more arse coverage.

I don't care about nipples, but would like a bit of upper thigh coverage.

I've always been anti-tankini, as they're not as good for swimming in, but maybe I should consider having a 'swimming with kids' swimsuit, iyswim.

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NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 08:31

I am utterly normal, I certainly don't think I'm repulsive or anything. I just am not used to being mostly naked with friends!

(Oh, and changing rooms at all our local pools are unisex, by the way. All cubicles, obviously. I understand the reasons why, but with two adults and two to four children, it will no doubt be a bit of work keeping the changing process private.)

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:33

go to pool in costume ime
then jsut take lots of talc fo hcnaging.

youare obsessing nqc
thousand sof poeple go swimming every day.

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:33

one adult and one kid percubicle

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:34

aha fo racerback deffo try bhs you will eb cunningly suprised

they do low leg too
get a cool colour too

fat women always wear balck

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