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AIBU?

to not want to go swimming with a dad ...

113 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:29

I'm friends with a local dad. I take DS2 swimming in the afternoons sometimes. The dad has suggested that he and his DD tag along sometime. (We do things in the afternoon pretty often, the four of us, or the six of us when we have our older kids with us.)

Frankly, I find swimming with a female friend slightly stressful and weird. I don't exactly live in a burka or anything, but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo and I just really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

(And yes, I do sometimes run into dads I know at the pool, and I'm friendly and nice, and it's fine really. But I wouldn't set out to run into a bloke there!)

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happybiggirl · 15/05/2007 20:59

Message withdrawn

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GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 20:59

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fishie · 15/05/2007 21:04

do you think you could ever be comfortable swimming? i can see it isn't so much he's a man, just he knows you so you aren't all anonymous in your black lycra.

i swim a lot so have well and truly got over this, but i used to be really freaked by being basically naked in public.

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fishie · 15/05/2007 21:05

oh just got that. really sniggering a LOT. (sorry nqc)

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Twiglett · 15/05/2007 21:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable

don't do things that make you uncomfortable .. why should you?

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ThursdayNext · 15/05/2007 21:11

I don't really like wearing a swimming costume and exposing my ginormous thighs in public. But I take DS swimming, because I figure it's pretty silly of me. But it seems like most of the women in the pool at the carer and toddler session are skinny, and I'm sure there are loads of mums who don't go swimming with their dcs because they don't want to wear a swimsuit.
Which is not relevant at all really, but anyway, I guess I meant to say maybe we should try to be a bit less hung up about the swimsuit thing.
So I reckon you should go with him.
Go on, you're brave enough.

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:14

NQC - I wouldn't go to the pool with a man, no matter how good friends they were. I have issues about my body, but even if I were a goddess, I would just feel weird. I am a bit of a prude in that way though! Not prudish about sex - just swimming

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bighug · 15/05/2007 21:15

I am with you on this one. you are not being unreasonable. it's got nothing to do with whether you think he might be looking at you/fancy you does it? It's just the weird fact that when you are in a swimming pool, you are just presenting and are presented with lots of flesh and body that in normal social situations would be convered up. If you are going swimming for fitness then you jump in and just swim, but with kids there is the social aspect which goes with it, and like you say, it's standing around up to your ankles with everything on display. i went to a swimming birthday party for a 4 year old and although I quite enjoyed it, it did feel odd trying to focus on people's faces and not look at their hairy chests or thighs when normally I only see them every day at the nursery drop-off. I was really pregnant come to think of it (about 36 weeks) so I guess I had that excuse for feeling large and wobbly. To sum up, it would not be my choice of a half term outing with a dad or a mum and I do not think you are odd to feel uncomfortable.

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suwoo · 15/05/2007 21:18

YANBU. I can't cope going swiming with my mum, would NOT go with DH and would certanly NEVER go with another man.

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2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 15/05/2007 21:21

have been swimming with a dad. he was too involved with his son to notice what i looked like so yabu

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luckylady74 · 15/05/2007 21:26

i find sitting down in the shallows and holding my stomach in works. i also have my expensive but very thick and flattering racing green suit or my very cheap mark one swim shorts. i also pick up my children whenever i get out of the pool- as a body cover up 2yr old twins are great!. i love people who let it all hang out, but i can't ever - i'm worried about going to a spa with my best friends! remember let him exit the pool first - the thought of someone behind me as i climb up the ladder - yuck!

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Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 21:28

You could of course, bite the bullet, go swiming with him and if his lunch box is suitably impressive....ask him for dinner!

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Nightynight · 15/05/2007 21:33

In the situation you describe, NQC, I would require an Edwardian bathing suit to feel at ease.

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:34

I would require the Edwardian changing box

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macmama73 · 15/05/2007 21:48

lol, I think I will print this and show it to the next German friend who laughs at me for going into the sauna with my swimmy on! They find me so prudish, and can't understand why I refuse to use the sauna naked like everyone else.

I can understand you not wanting to go swimming with the dad, I would not be keen either.

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NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:34

I should really just get over it.

I'm not thin, but I actually like my body. I feel more attractive nude than in a swimsuit. Not that I plan to swim in the nude!

I was not raised in a nudity-friendly culture (Canada), and haven't been comfortable in a swimsuit for ages.

(I probably would be more comfortable in a skirted swimsuit, tbh. Not least because that resolves various pubic topiary type issues I have! But I don't think I can face shopping for a suimsuit ...)

The only place I've done a lot of swimming is in Iceland, where you have to shower naked (admittedly only with your own gender) before going in. And there are cannisters of soap, and big diagrams showing where you have to wash! But I would just shower without my glasses, so everyone was blurry vague shapes (and in my head, I was a blurry vague shape to other people).

Oh yeah, and I didn't run into anyone I knew, because hey, it was Iceland.

Yes, I do have to Just Get Over It. I know.

(Ha, I did grow up with a decent-sized pool in my back garden. I spent whole summers in my swimming costume, as a child.)

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NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:35

Oh, there's no ladder! It's a beach. I will, by and large, be standing there, in water up to my ankles.

Well, I tend to sit or lie down, as it's colder standing up, but still.

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NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:36

Oh, I'd be fine swimming with my dad, happy swimming with DH, and am ok about swimming with another woman, just a bit twitchy.

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1dilemma · 15/05/2007 22:39

This is hysterical then to top it all off NQC had a swimming pool as a child. Read it all in one go it is sooo funny

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NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:41

(I lived in a country where a swimming pool was normal! I wasn't posh! It was above-ground, not in-ground! [twitch])

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iota · 15/05/2007 22:41

I am ROFL

I go swimming most weeks with the family - we often bump into people that we know -I am past caring - and I am a middle aged old bat with V wobbly thighs

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madamez · 15/05/2007 22:49

Are your kids of an age where they won't drown if you're watching from the sidelines? Could you maybe sit on a seat with your clothes on, clutching the towels and the Thermos of tea for afterwards while the bloke disports himself with the DCs (you don';t have to gawp at his lunchbox if you don't want to?)

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NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 23:05

No, they're young (DS2 is 2.5, DS1 is 5.5). And the pool enforces the whole ratio thing quite rigorously, to put it mildly.

I think I'd feel even more self-conscious on the sidelines, tbh.

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madamez · 15/05/2007 23:30

Hmm, NQC. How about one of those all-in-one neoprene jobs that holds it all in, shoves it up in the right places, etc, and keeps you warm (claim to have either bizarre skin disease or extreme sensitivity to cold)...

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NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 23:32

Oh, I'd just feel silly.

I wouldn't actually mind owning a swimsuit with a skirt. I had one when pregnant, and I liked it, more than I've liked any other swimsuit, since I was a kid. (I am v pear-shaped, I look like a Robert Crumb drawing, tbh!)

I should probably get a swimsuit with a skirt, or even a swimsuit I actually like. (I currently have a speedo one that's ok, bought at the swimming pool, and a purple one that is also okish. But neither is nice.)

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