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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my boss should be ok with my antenatal appointments?

81 replies

NumberNina · 04/05/2018 10:13

Keeping this as short as possible. Boss isn't happy with how many ante natal appointments I have booked in. I've had miscarriages in the past, had a loop procedure due to my smear test, and have been bleeding a fair bit during this pregnancy. Due to this I am being seen more often for monitoring by the hospital.

My boss has made it very clear that 'she didn't remember having so many appointments' and that it would be useful if I tried to book them on the same day (really difficult to try and do this). Is it normal to have so many appointments? And AIBU to think my boss is out of order to judge me for how many appointments I'm having?

It's hard when you're being made to feel bad for being out of the office but that's surely just part of it pregnancy (p.s. I work in a very big office that can cover me easily when I'm not in).

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 04/05/2018 10:17

have you had a health and safety preg assessment? If you have HR and/or OH talk to them

YANBU - you manager is

PlayingForKittens · 04/05/2018 10:18

Your boss is an arse and legally obliged to give you the time for your appointments and has no right whatsoever to comment.

PotteringAlong · 04/05/2018 10:20

It’s not usual to have lots of appointments - in my last pregnancy I had about 8 which includes booking in and 2 scans. However, the fact is you need those appointments and you are legally allowed to have them off so your boss needs to stop being an arse.

Honey456 · 04/05/2018 10:20

Your boss is an idiot. Go to your appointments as and when you need them- don’t let her make you feel guilty!

If it’s becoming an issue go to her superior or to HR. You have rights. Your pregnancy is more important. :)

Loopyloopy · 04/05/2018 10:22

Your boss should not be comparing her experience to yours - if you have a complicated pregnancy, of course yoy need more appointments! I think it would be corteous if you could minimise the disruption to work where possible. I realise you often don't get a choice though!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/05/2018 10:22

Being okay with it doesn't come into it.
Legally she has to give you the time off and nor can she sack you for it.
I think a long conversation with HR is way overdue.

Bumpitybumper · 04/05/2018 10:24

YANBU

This ties into one of my absolute pet hates where people assume everyone's experience of pregnancy must be similar to their own. I had two absolutely lousy pregnancies and was disappointed when women, weirdly especially doctors, would seek to dismiss or minimise the problems I was having. They would recount how they had a bit of sickness and found ginger biscuits helped when I had full-blown hypermesis Hmm

Basically what I'm saying is don't let these people doubt what you're doing or make you feel bad. You need more checks and appointments, this is perfectly valid and allowances should be made at work. If your boss continues then I would maybe not so subtly let her know that you are legally entitled to time off to attend these appointments that are important to your and your baby's wellbeing.

Smurf123 · 04/05/2018 10:26

Due to miscarriages also I had scans every two weeks from about 28 weeks. Every 3-4 weeks prior to that. Plus hospital appointments for blood tests or doctors for b12 injections weekly. My boss couldn't have been more understanding and it was never ever an issue. I did try and make them as early or as late in the day as possible so I wasbt missing lots of the work day but it wasn't always possible and I would apologise for one in the middle of the day I was told that I had no need to be sorry it was no problem, they would find cover. (In my case cover was absolutely needed)

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 04/05/2018 10:26

Are you part time or full time? I had lots and lots of appointments during my pregnancy, but ones that I could arrange myself (midwife, gp, etc) I booked for my days off. Obviously ones at the hospital just were when they were. In the end I was signed off on bedrest anyway so missed a lot more work than the odd antenatal appointment!

throwcushions · 04/05/2018 10:26

Make a note in writing of these comments

Graphista · 04/05/2018 10:34

She's acting illegally. Pregnancy discrimination (and that includes comments) is a form of sex discrimination and that she's a woman too is irrelevant.

I had a high risk pregnancy with dd and various medical issues which meant lots of appointments. My boss never so much as murmured. If anything she was quite firm with me about not overdoing it.

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5271

You can call acas or your union if you have one for advice and guidance.

If you have an HR dept yes approach them BUT remember - their job is not to support you but to protect their and your employers from a potential lawsuit from you. They are not your ally.

Original poster
NumberNina · 04/05/2018 10:35

@Eatsleepworkrepeat I work full time. Out of the house before 7 and back after 5 so I only really have the option to go during my work hours.

Thanks everyone for your answers. I don't even know what's normal or not as it's my first pregnancy however if I am told I need an appointment with a consultant I'm going to presume I need it! I'm not high risk per se but I have had a few previous issues that they want to keep an eye on. Just trying to keep everyone happy when really I should be focussing on what's best for me and baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
NumberNina · 04/05/2018 11:04

@PotteringAlong I'm 14 weeks this week and I've had 4 already!

OP posts:
Pikehau · 04/05/2018 11:09

Is there a policy / he person to advise?

On the face of it your boss IBU as she will have had fewer due to a low risk, easy pregnancy (I assume)

I know my work states something Along the lines of attempting to book them without too much bdistruption to work .....but.... and I can’t remember the but bit as never needed it. Also a colleague had daily monitering by 29 weeks and Work were fine.

I think boss forgets the job is less
Important than a baby!!!

ILikeMyChickenFried · 04/05/2018 11:11

I had multiple appointments every week at the end of my pregnancy. Not only did I not have an issue attending them, my husband's boss didn't mind a bit either when he wanted to accompany me each time.

UpstartCrow · 04/05/2018 11:11

You are protected by the Equality Act, talk to Acas today.

The Acas helpline number is 0300 123 1100. It is available Monday 8am-8pm, Tuesday 8am-6pm, Wednesday to Thursday 8am-8pm, Friday 8am-6pm and Saturday 9am-1pm.

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042

mehhh · 04/05/2018 11:13

Keep a record of these things... if she carries on speak to hr, you need these appointments and more to the point you're legally allowed to attend these

C8H10N4O2 · 04/05/2018 11:16

If your company is large enough to have HR department speak to them ASAP about the pregnancy and your particular needs. Also mention that your manager is not happy about your antenatal appts. You need to talk to them about mat leave anyway so its a normal thing to do.

They should then explain the requirements to your line manager and raise the OH assessment if necessary.

Boss is being an arse btw.

Original poster
NumberNina · 04/05/2018 11:22

@C8H10N4O2 company is nearly 6000 strong so definitely big enough for an HE department!

OP posts:
DuchyDuke · 04/05/2018 11:25

Have you explained the specific risks associated with your pregnancy to the boss? It’s possible in a HR pregnancy that at some point the doctor may even ask you to take early mat leave; you need to explain everything to her.

FittonTower · 04/05/2018 11:38

Regardless of the reason why you need the appointments you are entitled to go to them all and, importantly, you cannot be discriminated agaisnt for going.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 04/05/2018 12:04

How do you take your appointments? The reasonable way, arrive later or leave early or have a longer "lunch break", or do you take the whole day off?

AddictiveCereal · 04/05/2018 12:14

Have you explained the specific risks associated with your pregnancy to the boss?

You shouldn't have to tell your boss the details about why exactly you need the extra appointments as its none of her business.

lifechangesforever · 04/05/2018 12:17

I would just keep going as you are and every time she makes a ridiculous comment like that, note down the date, time and what she said.

If it becomes too much then report to HR.

Absolutely ridiculous you should have to contend with such behaviour, especially from a fellow woman who has been through pregnancy herself!

Congratulations Thanks

kaytee87 · 04/05/2018 12:22

Yanbu, you are entitled to time off for antenatal appointments. Your boss going on about it could amount to sex discrimination.

HR in my old work had a go at me for my antenatal appointments too and told me I should only be having 2 for my entire pregnancy. I sent them the Nhs list of usual antenatal appointments (rather more than 2).

They also had a go at another colleague for using the bathroom too much when she was pregnant Hmm

Then they made me redundant whilst on maternity leave.

Some employers are really awful at this.

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