To not want to work for £3.58 an hour?

[DontHaveAGoPlease]

Going to get absolutely flamed for this!

I'm a single mum to 1, in regards to UC, I get the equivalent to a monthly full time wage this includes CM.

If I go back to work for 22 hours a week, I will be effectively earning the above an hour.

Do I just suck it up or wait for my DS to get his 15 Hours free??

I am desperate to work but I'd hate to look back and regret outsourcing my childcare all for the above. Shall I just suck it up and go for it or suck it up and look after my ds??

I've already braced myself for the flaming!

Honestly op do what works for you.

I didn’t work Lp till my Ds was 5 . I simply was exhausted and genuinely don’t think I could manage . As my Ds has got older I now know he has ADHD .
I worked prior to having Ds. and have continued to work since . I am not asking for approval of Mn. It was the right thing for me .

I would sit down consider , will you be more employable in a year? How much better off you would be a month and decide what is right for you.

Until 4 months ago, I was a tax payer.

it doesn't matter if you were a tax payer or not. You are easily capable of working but chose not to do. having paid taxed doesn't entitle you to not work and have a state funded lifestyle. I really don't think you understand how the welfare state is supposed to work. many people have and will never pay a single penny in tax but they really do need that help (illness/disability/caring).

And given that your DS is 1, I doubt you were a tax payer until 4 months ago. You were at most on (state funded) maternity pay (which is fair enough) but doesn't make you a tax payer and doesn't make you deserving either.

you really sound desperate to work. you really do.

It's not a savings scheme and given you didn't bother returning after maternity leave you obviously weren't desperate to work as you claim. Unless you were a higher rate tax payer you won't have even covered your own costs nevermind the hundreds in benefits per month that will now be claimed.

Didn't bother to return to work after maternity

That's funny.

I would have had to work 8-6 everyday, my work was actually further from me now I've had to move.

There would have been absolutely 0 flexibility, my son gets up at 7am, goes to bed at 7.

I'd see him for 2 hours a day 5 days a week. My last relationship ended because we saw each other 2 hours a day.

I'm not prepared to leave my son for 10 hours a day to go and work for a company who'd replace me by next week if I died.

My ex partner cries all the time about how his mum worked 12 hour days, 5 days a week to make sure him and his siblings had a decent life. All he wanted from her was her time and attention. He's now a spoilt, entitled wanker....hence being my ex.

I won't have my DS feel the same about me all for £3.58 an hour.

You all do what you need to do.

I don't have a mortgage, I don't have flashy stuff. Family means far more than some money in my pocket.

The welfare system is there, I get it, so I do.

I will continue to claim until my DS is 3 and then continue claiming in work benefits.

How many threads are there where sahp say they gave up work because it wouldn’t be worth going after childcare?

Yet because OP is a single mum she has to somehow magic up the money that a double income family can’t find so she isn’t ‘scrounging’

How much of our tax actually goes to the dwp?
I’m sure someone posted a link on one of these type of threads before that calculated It to be about £6 per month on a £50000 per annum salary.
And how much of that goes on single parent benefits? Probably not even 50p once you take jsa/esa/pensions into account.

I was a single parent on benefits for 2 years. It’s not all buying fags/drinking every weekend/getting your nails done/62inch tv. It’s bloody hard.

I went back to work and have ended up in so much debt as wages are too low after childcare. I earnt £9.20 and nursery was the equivalent of £7.90 an hour (for 2 dc)

tax credits do help but they only pay 70 % of the childcare bill up to £210. Mine was over £250 a week for 2 dc. They paid £147 and I paid over £100 on top. I was worse off working than on income support.

So your theory is that parents who work raise spoilt chidren so life so better for children to live on benefits. You might want to tell the higher up that as it will save a fortune in pupil premium where chidren raised on benefits need a whole host of things to even attempt to close the gap if their peers.

He won't even have memories at this age so wouldn't know if you worked or not.

Lokissister- I've seen countless threads of people saying they've given up work to look after their kids whilst their DP works for the family.

I don't think it would be so bad if the courts forced my ex to have 50/50 contact or at least paid 50% of the childcare on top of the maintenance.

His CM goes towards the living costs of his DS, not a childminder so I can work.

Boxes- Not at all, that was irrelevant. He now 31 years later hates his DF for leaving & not bothering (ironic as he's done the same) & dislikes his DM for working "too much".

I will continue to claim until my DS is 3 and then continue claiming in work benefits.

why did you post on the first place? your mind was already made up

Not at all, I wanted some genuine advice but actually all I got was "go to work, stop lazing about, show your kid what it's like to contribute & oh, unless you are lucky enough to have a DP, you've got to pick up the slack".

Makes me realise the stigma SP's get.

It's wrong & needs to change.

How many threads are there where sahp say they gave up work because it wouldn’t be worth going after childcare? Yet because OP is a single mum she has to somehow magic up the money that a double income family can’t find so she isn’t ‘scrounging’.

Exactly. If you're a married or partnered woman, it's fine, even admirable. Single mum? Forget it.

And it's 2018.

Though in this case, I do think OP should work because it will bring her not insignificant financial benefits, in income, pension, future possibility etc (it'll be very hard to get back into work after too long a time out of it).

I find it so frustrating when people say "I don't work because I would be worse off than if I did and I would miss milestones." Like they are entitled to more than the rest of us who work for what we earn, pay for child care and pay taxes so other people can be better off and not work. I'm all for benefits for people who need them and we have to help people that need it.

I'm maternity leave going back to work full time (not well paid, less than £20k a year) while my dh carries on his full time post graduate studies. Yes I'll miss milestones and will be paying quite a bit in childcare (in laws are providing some child care too) but my bills need paying and I have to provide for my child.

Sounds like your mind was already made up so what exactly was the point of this thread? Was it to imply you’re superior to working mothers as ‘family means far more than some money in my pocket’?! I couldn’t give two shits what you claim by the way, being a single mother on benefits is an incredible tough place to be but if you don’t want to be judged then maybe try being a little less judgemental of those that make difference choices to you.

For the love of god, can people who have a DP stop commenting on my post.

Your life isn't relevant to mine and my life isn't relevant either!

I'm a SINGLE MOTHER, I do not have a DP to help with financial OR emotional support.

EVERYTHING falls on me. I don't get a break come 6pm when my DP gets home because I don't have one! My fault he cheated on me & left?? No.

Nothing at all to do with stigma or your relationship status. It's the fact you are capable of working but would clearly rather not and see nothing wrong in getting others to fund that choice. The replies would be the same whether single or married when opting out of providing and expecting that state to pay as work is too much effort.

But so many women with partners do opt out of working so they get some form of government help!

I can't imagine higher earners particularly rely on CB yet still claim it. Where do you think that money comes from??

I'm not saying that to have a go a single parents, I know of 2parent families (some of my cousins) where both parents don't work for that reason. It's difficult to see that, and for them to have more money and a better lifestyle than we do, when I work and my DH is studying (and working freelance at the same to to bring some extra money)

OP, we often hear on here that SAHMs get a lot of shit, and it's probably true, but I think it's nothing on the absolute fucking SHIT that single parents get. I know I'm not supposed to say this because it's patronising or something, but it's true: I think single parents deserve fucking medals. They are troupers. They do the work of two people. The guilt that's loaded onto any mother is tripled if that mother does not have a partner. It is shit and it is bollocks and I hope you can shake it off like so much ditchwater.

With that said, in this case it does sound as though working would be in your best interests. Money, pension, even a bit of a break from parenting. But that's for you to judge. You're entitled to what you claim, you put into the pot when you could and you'll do it again in the future. It's what the money is there for. I'm pretty sure only the very highest earners are net contributors anyway. I'm a working mother and I use a lot of subsidised or free public services....pretty sure I take out more than I put in.

My DS is 13 months, he doesn't sleep through the night, he's an all systems go kind of child. He's tough to look after, hence I get minimal help.

I'm tired all the time, I've only just got over my PND (I think). I am shattered from doing absolutely everything. I've no one to talk to on the weekends/evenings. I sit there alone, on my Todd waiting for bedtime.

My life is an existence.

I'm tired.

You don't have to justify it to anyone, OP. Anyone with a supportive partner, and that includes me, cannot know what it is like.

The amount of times I get "I understand how you feel, for 9 hours a day I'm like a single mum"

No, you are simply a SAHP, not a single mum.

The amount of times I get "I understand how you feel, for 9 hours a day I'm like a single mum"

How offensive.

However, being in this situation has made me respect SP's massively.

Il admit, I used to be one of those judgy, "it's not that hard" kind of people.

What a horrible judgy bitch I was! I certainly ate my words.

@donthaveagoplease ignore them. They’re everywhere.

You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.

These are the same people who will blame and say ‘where are their parents’ when there’s a news story about a teen that’s gone off the rails. Erm... there at work... where you think they should be.

You can never win

OP, you are great. You sound like you're doing a great job. You're raising a child on your own, you're volunteering, you're studying.

Your DS doesn't sleep through the night, and you've just got over PND. Sure, you could do a dead end job with no possibility of career progression, come home at the end of the day, have to do bathtime and bedtime and dinner single handed, rush around cleaning the house with one ear cocked for the sound of him waking up, go to bed, be woken up several times throughout the night and go to work the next day and get exhausted, and gradually drift back into depression. How's that going to help you, him, or your future earning potential?

I'm a single mum of 2 (the youngest is only 2), and I'm busting my arse trying to get my business sufficiently profitable to comply with UC strictures on the self employed, having to drop everything at 2.30 to go and do kindergarten/ school pick up, deal with kids and housework, then when they're in bed do paperwork and admin (yes, yes, I know. Off to do it in a minute). And it is, definitely, adversely affecting my MH. And I don't have PND, my ex has the kids EOW, and there is a point to all this- future gain.

If I was in your situation, precisely, I'd do exactly what you are doing now.

And for all those whining about how they had to go back to work the minute they left the delivery suite, and how they're working for £00.1 an hour, a few things:

It's not a race to the bottom; enlightened government policies about decent maternity leave, affordable childcare and the CHOICE of whether to go back to work or not when you have a pre school aged child would benefit us all. Punching down isn't going to make your lives easier.

How many of you have to go back to work because you're paying a mortgage? Yes, it's no doubt tough, but at the end of it you have a house. I won't, and neither will OP.

I see so many threads on here asking people what they're doing in the evenings, and most are usually planning on lying on the sofa watching TV. I often think "How the fuck do they even get the time to do that? I'm always busy in the evenings!" on Mumsnet, no really, I'm going to do those invoices in a minute . Should I then start a thread about how it's not fair that people get to lie around watching TV, and they shouldn't get the opportunity to do this as a lifestyle choice because I have to work??

Jealousy is just so unappealing, especially when it's this misplaced .