To not want to work for £3.58 an hour?

[DontHaveAGoPlease]

Going to get absolutely flamed for this!

I'm a single mum to 1, in regards to UC, I get the equivalent to a monthly full time wage this includes CM.

If I go back to work for 22 hours a week, I will be effectively earning the above an hour.

Do I just suck it up or wait for my DS to get his 15 Hours free??

I am desperate to work but I'd hate to look back and regret outsourcing my childcare all for the above. Shall I just suck it up and go for it or suck it up and look after my ds??

I've already braced myself for the flaming!

Once again, the bile is reserved for the woman who is left literally holding the baby and doing the best she can, rather than the man who fucks off.

Stay at home with DS who is just a baby and biologically programmed to want close contact with his primary caregiver. Watch him growing, help him to learn and develop and to reach his full potential

What a load of rubbish. The stats show that children raised on benefits fair less well in life compared to those with working parents. It's why schools are required to show how pupil premium is spent on closing the gap.

Choosing that outcome for children as you don't won't to work isn't helping a child raise their potential at all. It's all about the parent.

The op could work but doesn't want to. It should never be an option whether single, married etc to make that choice at the expense of other tax payers. It's a luxury that should be self funded.

OP please ingnore all the benefits brashers. None of them are living your life. Do what’s best for you. If that’s you being at home with your son another year go for it. Like Sakura said 1 year out of the jobs market is nothing in your whole life and your little boys babyhood will whizz by. You don’t need to justify it to anyone on here but for those that don’t seem to get it some benefits do enable couples on a low wage to have one parent at home or working part time. Our area hasn’t now updated to UC so our savings exempts us but until recently (even with fairly substantial savings) we could have claimed quite a generous amount of child tax credits based on my dh salary whilst I stayed at home and would have been given 18 months transitional protection on UC. I know lots of couples who claim WTC & CTC who are home owners, have generous savings, one parent working and one at home, free nursery hours for kids as they are on benefits. That’s going on up and down the country. They are the ones making a lifestyle choice, there’s 2 of them to shoulder the burden. So if people want to judge, reserve it for couples who chose to keep one parent at home and get top ups. You are single handedly trying to do everything. The system is there to protect people like you (single parents) who have been left in a less than ideal situation.

*has now updated to UC

Boxsets there’s a big difference to being ‘raised on benefits’ and a single parent having one year out to care for their toddler. Don’t be so dramatic.

As the OP said in her FIRST post, she wants to work....she was supposed to return to work but has literally been left holding the baby. For some of you it seems that means "doesn't want to work".

Well guess what? In the same circumstances you might struggle with the decision too.

It happens.

I was a single parent out of the blue too at one point. I worked until I couldn't anymore and then I loved off the taxpayer....yep....you lot...including those who would have considered me lower than dog shit for doing so. Suck it is as I don't care about you. I on,y cared about my child and my health at that point.

Back in a two parent family I am no longer reliant on benefits but I don't give a shiny shit about the time I was or what anyone else thought about it. MY family, MY circumstances and MY decision.

A choice is being made as to what rate of pay will be sufficient in her opinion

Boxsets recently told the SAHM of a toddler with additional needs that she had "seven days a week to do as you please". I suggest we channel a very wise woman and self proclaimed feminist, a singer who once sang, "Don't pay him any attention..."

Boxsets staying at home until your child is 3 is not being "raised on benefits." I was on benefits from my DS being 10 months until he was 4 years old, I'm back at work now and will be staying in work. I'll spend far more of his life working than I did on benefits.

And do your "stats" count for those children whose parents can't work due to disability? That's a bit insulting to the parents who cannot physically work.

Thank you for all the advice.

I think it's best to accept my situation and try to better it. The course and volunteering role is relevant to what I want to do in a career. I can't afford the fees to study HR but I will use the experience in a volunteering role to hopefully get into HR which has amazing progression.

My mental health isn't the best right now & I don't want to make it worse by taking any MW job just to make others happy.

Good decision op.
And to all the people saying their taxes are paying op's benefits. Well perhaps op's taxes in the past and in the future are paying her benefits for the short time that her little one is young.

Are people thick? Like seriously thick that they need a good smack around the head to actually understand something so simple? Families with two working parents struggle big time, both financially and with their time so why is it impossible for it to be harder for a single parent?

So she has to pay the same bills on less money and the same childcare and clean the whole home by herself but she’s lazy for not wanting to work for fuck all money? I don’t get people’s views I really don’t. I have acute bronchitis at the moment, I can’t walk to the bathroom without struggling for breath. I have two children, one is disabled and is tube fed etc one is extremely energetic and difficult to handle sometimes. I have a partner neither of us work, we are carers to the youngest. We still struggle, I was crying on Tuesday (before I knew what was wrong with me) I was blubbering like a baby begging him to never make me a single parent as I have no idea how the fuck I would cope. Yet here people are, calling the op names because she is on her own and will need to pay childcare and miss out on her child’s life because you as tax payers don’t want to fund such a luxurious lifestyle? Are you off your heads or something? Your tax doesn’t even cover your own hospital bills unless you are earning over £50,000 or more (I’m not even sure how correct I am with that figure) your children go to schools you don’t pay for but god forbid a once previous tax payer uses a system in place for times like this as a bridge until some free childcare comes into play, to help her be with her child, not struggle so much because you perceive her as lazy and not wanting to work. Fuck off the lot of you, up there on your horses just waiting to beat someone while they are down. You’re an embarrassment.

I think that's a decent wage after childcare. Imagine how much you'll have once he gets the 15 or 30 hours and once he's at school.

You're a mother OP, nay, a woman. Whatever you do is going to be wrong. You're in a hard spot at the moment, you're entitled to everything you're receiving, so don't push yourself overboard because of the odd internet twat. Especially one who thinks that parenting children with additional needs is free time.

QuackPorridge, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. I would also like to get the Red Arrows to write your name over the London skyline. Is it your birthday soon? I will happily jump out of a cake for you.

PoorYorick Sadly it’s not my birthday for a while. It’s my youngests very soon though, maybe I can jump on the back of hers lol I just don’t understand how people can understand a two parent family making the decision for one to stay at home for financial reasons but not for a single parent, through no fault of their own, to use the help available to have an ever so slightly easier time of it. I was delirious and sweating and shivering on Tuesday and even through my craziness (I was asking why the house and tv were grey, the show was in black and white ) all I could think was “what if I was a single parent, how the fuck would I cope and with a job? No way, I couldn’t do it.” I broke down in my partners arms and I have no fear of him leaving and I still begged him not to ever make me a single parent, at least not until they are older. I really cannot understand how some people’s minds work. This is a standard low paid job, not a high flying career. It’s just not worth the stress right now when help is there for these very reasons. It gets me a bit too angry probably. Sorry for the rambling again.

It's very different here in Spain, you earn entitlement to unemployment benefit and when it runs out there's no more. You get nothing again until you earn enough to build up credit so to speak. There's no housing benefit or carers allownace (well there is a carers allowance technically but it's shit and the government basically tries to put of paying it for as long as possible and lots of people die before their carers ever receive it).
I grew up in the UK but have been in Spain for a long time and it seems strange to me now this idea that you could choose to live on benefits as that's totally impossible here. I'm not saying it's better, just very very different.

It gets me a bit too angry probably.

I don't know, when a person has been shat on from a great height and a load of people then shit on her again, because she was shat on already, anger seems a pretty healthy response to me.

I am at the other end of the spectrum so to speak. I am a carer for my dh who has a terminal prognosis and yes we receive a load of benefits - about £360 per week. We also have other private income and I work very part-time from home earning £110 per week. Home owned outright.
No-one tells me to go to work full time and pay for someone to care for my dh so why are we telling single parents etc with very young dcs that that is what they must do.?

Quack, I couldn't have said it any better myself!

Thank you sincerely.

You have covered just about everything!

My ex leaves and apparently it's sadly his choice, if I left my DS because I couldn't cope being a SM, I'd be treated for a mental health issue!

Why isn't my sons father responsible for half the living costs & also half the childcare costs??

Of course he pays but it doesn't cover a 1/4 of either childcare or living costs.

It's a shame I'm simply expected to get on with it. Worst part, by either women who get help from their partners, women who are just as angry they are SM's or women who now have a partner and have forgotten just how hard it really is.

I've left jobs that have pushed me too hard in the past, I now have a constant, 24/7 responsibility but expected to work too. It's hard work as it is, mentally I'm struggling.

I'm currently ill but I don't have someone who will come and relieve me of my duties for a few hours whilst I try to recuperate.

It's hard, really hard. Maybe some need to take their judgy pants off and look at the world for what it is. Difficult.

I need help and support not criticism.

However, I thank the ones who offered that.

OP, please fuck the idiots right off. You're ill, exhausted and doing the unrelenting work of two parents. Under any other circumstances, if you said that working was making you ill and you could afford to get by without it, you'd be told that nobody on their deathbed wishes they'd spent more time in the office. Unfortunately, you're a single parent - nay, a single mother - and so, to a certain type of particularly hateful idiot, you may as well have a bullseye on your face.

You are the only person parenting your child and you won't be able to do it if you have a complete mental breakdown. Prioritise what matters and don't listen to FUCKING IDIOTS.

It’s easy for people to be judgemental when they have a nice home, a fridge full of food and plenty of support. Do what’s right for you and your child.

I second this.

ElinoristhenewEnid Exactly.

PoorYorick Very true, I happily accept my level of anger then.

DontHaveAGoPlease No problem. You were saying it great yourself but people just don’t seem to listen. They hear you say you really want to work but can’t understand that one can want to work while also seeing the difficulty that lies if they do for such small pay. It’s possible to feel both. But as you can see from the responses, they seem to mostly come from those in careers where yes, breaks can be bad news but they also have a decent wage and a job they won’t just lose at the drop of a hat. Your plan sounds great and fuck what people say, do you and what feels right for you and your child. Embarrassingly I’ve never worked and I’m on benefits and get a lot more than some because of my child. No one slags me or my partner off but people in your situation become kicking bags for those better off. Good luck for the future and enjoy your child. My college tutor (when I had to drop out due to daughter being too sick too close together) said to me that I will never regret spending these years with my children but I would regret working myself too hard and missing out on those years. Wise words I feel.

OP do what is best for you and your son. Ignore the idiots.

*PoorYorick, Quack & Crunchy
*
Thank you, what you all say makes a lot more sense than "just go back to work, get someone else to look after your DS, earn MW, pay stupid amounts to CM, struggle & suck it up......oh but at least you can say you are paying into the system because that's all that matters"