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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope that all parents who put photos of their children on FB/Insta/Twitter end up getting sued . . .

436 replies

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 14:14

. . . by their grown-up children for breach of privacy.

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

My family member has posted, on her public Instagram feed, her son's full name, date of birth, and every waking moment. Now that information will be out there for anyone to consume. At best, this could erode the boy's sense of self-esteem, security, and privacy. At worst, the data can be used to commit identity fraud or give a stranger the information they need to socially engineer access to him.

And I don't care if you say that you get consent before you post anything, because children don't have full knowledge of the context of their decision. They are not cognisant of the whole range of risks.

I also don't care if you say your FB/Insta/Twitter is private. Social networking sites are porous. Facebook in particular is never private, and the data you share will never be expunged.

I think it's not your place, and it's not your right.

OP posts:
KingHenrysCodpiece · 03/05/2018 22:04

Semperldem

I see the point you're making, but the main point is that George, Charlotte and Louis have absolutely no choice over the fact that their pictures stylised as they are, are being printed on memorabilia, cups, spoons, plates, and calenders in the millions. I mean who needs a cup with a child's face on it that they do not even know? Why are the royal children's images up for sale everywhere? I feel it ought to not be allowed until they are older. Whether that's realistic, I don't know.

RubiaPTA · 03/05/2018 22:06

Parents have the rights to their child's image. Would be thrown out

KERALA1 · 03/05/2018 22:08

Op is right of course. Posting pics of your kids on SM is wrong. Read The Circle by Dave Eggars. You will never go on fb again.

Most people I know no longer post pics of their dc, very rarely anyway. The general feeling is it's cringey and unfair to them. Those with babies / toddlers they don't stay that way for long and may well be pissed off that you have plastered pics of their naked bums all over the web.

MistressDeeCee · 03/05/2018 22:09

I think you're right actually OP. But children don't get a say so if their whole life is documented online due to parents intensive need to show off and to matter 'out there' then what's to do.

KERALA1 · 03/05/2018 22:18

Mine are extremely clear that they don't consent to me posting pictures of them. I didn't much anyway but my 9 year old recently said it's not allowed. That's her decision and I have to respect it. What would you pro posting pics of kids posters do if your child did not consent?

OhHolyJesus · 03/05/2018 22:22

In with you OP. Not a single pic of my child is on FB and anyone (GPs) who takes a pic of him knows not to post it online.

I feel really strongly about this and agree with you, more so now than ever die to the recent Facebook scandals.

Mammyloveswine · 03/05/2018 22:23

Oh ffs... I post my life on fb.. I'm only friends with actual friends and family and my fb privacy settings are watertight (I'm a teacher so nothing inappropriate is ever posted anyway). If one of my children ever asked me to not post photos of them on social media then i wouldn't but its no harm me posting baby photos of my gorgeous boys!

RomeoBunny · 03/05/2018 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KingHenrysCodpiece · 03/05/2018 22:30

That's interesting Kerala. What prompted them to refuse? They sound quite strong minded.

PositivelyPERF · 03/05/2018 22:33

I have absolutely no idea why some young people are called snowflakes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 03/05/2018 22:33

Looks for the full moon 🌕🤔 don’t you just love crazyy 😜 😃

Ragusa · 03/05/2018 22:39

To me all this social media hysteria is just that: hysteria. What about school pics in the local newspapers of yore? Was that also exploitative and damaging? What's wrong with knowing... stuff about people and knowing what they looked like when younger? We should be teaching kids to be out there and be proud and not be bothered by how they look in a 'bad' photo from 10 years ago. Especially girls who can geow up thinking thy have no other role aside from looking perfect. Total storm in a teacup.

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 22:41

No. You fuck off.

OP posts:
mummabubs · 03/05/2018 22:55

I take the same stance as fruitcorner in that whilst I respect others don't view it this way I personally have been quite strict about photos of our 6 month old DS not going up on Facebook. I don't feel it's fair on him given what you mention about consent OP, but frankly I also find it a tad narcissistic when people constantly post photos of their children up for the world to see. (But then I don't really post much on Facebook these days so maybe I'm not the target audience anymore!)

KERALA1 · 03/05/2018 22:58

I wanted to repost an old pic of dd that came up on fb memories. She walked past and said don't post that or any other pictures of me thanks. She's not particularly "strong minded" just doesn't want pics of herself plastered on the web. Don't think all young people will be SM posers reckon they will backlash and possibly really resent us.

Fatbergs · 03/05/2018 23:07

I’m quite shocked at some of responses here. I had a v similar conversation with my son tonight (he’s 9) and he was asking abou Facebook and why I don’t bother with it. I said that I thought he has the right to grow up in privacy and apart from the odd photo ie yearly, I never stick up pix/posts regarding my kids. I don’t know if his generation will end up equating a lack of photos with a lack of parental interest or pride, but when I look at the constant flow from certain family members, I’d rather keep it offline. I asked his opiñon and he said he was grateful. I know I would have found it intrusive as a child.

AoibheannRose · 03/05/2018 23:09

It's already happened.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/14/austrian-teenager-sues-parents-for-violating-privacy-with-childh/

I can't find any update on that case since 2016, but I'd love to know what happened.

www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/2016/may/08/children-sue-parents-facebook-post-baby-photos-privacy

I completed agree with you OP. I think I'm quite an unusual case, in that there are no photos of me (that I know of) online. Actually, apart from childhood pictures, very few photos of me exist at all-by choice! I would definitely have not been happy with my parents posting any online if the technology had existed then.

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 23:13

Yawn. Honestly no one cares about you or your kids on fb. Seriously they don’t. My teens laugh at my posts and delete my tags.

Honestly op chill. If your kids sue you as grown ups it’s because they hate you as a person and nowt to do with a toddler pic on fb.

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 23:18

Rose you arnt unusual it’s your choice. Fine.

Fat I think he found it intrusive when you told him it was Grin

Look some fb posts by parents are nauseating but no self respecting teens are on FB now. Op
What is public instagram you sound confused.

OlennasWimple · 03/05/2018 23:24

Whilst I would never wish family break up and legal action on anyone, I completely get your point. Remember when the Trueman Show was a far off concept film? And now, for some kids, it's actually pretty much their life.

Regardless of views on photos, posting anyone's full bio data online is incredibly dumb. It's parents thinking about the child before them only, and not the adult they will be one day.

namechanger14 · 03/05/2018 23:27

Who are these people that are friends with all these dodgy people on Facebook, to the extent that people who u knowing nothing about, have access to ur data, photos, whereabouts etc?

I put photos of my kids on fb, normal everyday ones, Eg first day at preschool, first day in big school, or opening bday presents. And yes I posted scan photos during my pregnancies, (well not the first pregnancy cos fb didn't exsist then that I know of), y wouldn't I? The info that can be gathered by these photos (my full name and date of birth from scan photos for example) are things that people on my friends list already know. They know where my kids go to school. They know what time pick up is.
Nobody except Facebook, my dh & myself has control access to my actual account and only those on my friends list can see anything I post. And I do mean ONLY those on my friends list.
If I gave u my RL name, phone number AND email you still wouldn't be able to find my public profile let alone my private one. If by some random chance my public profile came up on your suggestions list, all u would see is my name (just first and maiden name, but not middle names), the city I was born in, my profile pic, and the other pic that goes at the back (don't know what it's called). Other than that it comes up with a long list of 'nothing to show' until at the bottom it says 'born in xxxx'.
Hackers, could potentially gain access but again without my password, which is changed regularly, all they would get is my public profile which doesn't even allow you to add me as a friend or message me, u can report me, block me or poke me and that is it. If they managed to get into my private account (as if they were me) then there is nothing I can do. You may say "well don't post personal info and email photos", but I HAVE had my email hacked multiple times, I also have online banking and I have online access to my health record, so imo unless you are going to go totally off the grid, no banking online, no email accounts, not even signing up to those online magazine subscriptions, then there is far more dangerous information they could glean than where my children go to school (which they could work out as soon as they hack my bank account and get my address) and what they look like.

Having said the above IF any of my children asked me to stop posting photos then I would immediately and I would tell any friends or family that they were no longer allowed to post their own photos of my dc per the kids request. It hasn't happened yet and my eldest is on fb so fully aware of what I post and my youngest is forever saying "send it to book" when i take a photo because she wants aunties, uncle's, sister, and our friends to see it. I don't take the photos FOR Facebook, I take them because I want the memories. I then upload some of them for people (who I both know in RL and trust) to view and as prearranged, show other family members that are not on Facebook.

So I would seriously like to know apart from going 100% off grid (which isn't possible for like 90% of the population with access to online services), what it is you actually are suggesting could possibly be more dangerous than anything else JUST because I post probably 2 or 3 pics each, a month.

Also, who in their right mind actually uses the generic suggestions for passwords, such as mother's maiden name, First school, First pet? That is so incredibly weak that u should NOT sit down in shock and tears when things suddenly start going horribly wrong but in anger at yourself for being so fucking stupiid!!

Really gets my goat when people try to tarnish every1 with the same brush and straight up assume that just because a parent does things u don't do or agree with, then they automatically have self esteem issues (i mean really, i was absolutely NOT posting photos of me & the kids at 5am on xmas day looking like shite, when i had low self esteem), or don't give a shit about their kids physical safety or 'ott' emotional distress.

namechanger14 · 03/05/2018 23:38

@Rose if you have been in any shop (or public place) recently, that uses the internet for their CCTV, then I can assure you, there are indeed photos, (possibly clips of video), of you online.

Also, regarding fb photos of all your kids photos being public. If you allow ur children to have class photos done, then there is almost a 100% certainty, that some adult you may not know personally, has a picture of YOUR child and you have less control over what is done with those photos than u do on fb or whatsapp.

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 23:49

the Truman show Grin

Love these people who think they are invisible. Bless.

We have cctv outside our house and it caught the stupid twats who burgled our house. The internet and fb told us our dd has survived a fatal crash.

Get a grip op

OlennasWimple · 04/05/2018 00:03

Love these people who think they are invisible. Bless.

No-one has said that they are invisible if they don't post their child's every meal, nappy change and accident on FB Hmm

And you should be careful: MNHQ is deleting posts that say "bless". Personal attack, apparently...

Ohmydayslove · 04/05/2018 00:09

Blimey I say bless all the time!! Really personal
Attack? Grin

Sgree every post about a child’s nappy accident is nauseous but to really seriously think they by gut time they child Is 16 it will crush them to such an extent they need to sue their parents is clearly utter bullshiit isn’t it.