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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope that all parents who put photos of their children on FB/Insta/Twitter end up getting sued . . .

436 replies

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 14:14

. . . by their grown-up children for breach of privacy.

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

My family member has posted, on her public Instagram feed, her son's full name, date of birth, and every waking moment. Now that information will be out there for anyone to consume. At best, this could erode the boy's sense of self-esteem, security, and privacy. At worst, the data can be used to commit identity fraud or give a stranger the information they need to socially engineer access to him.

And I don't care if you say that you get consent before you post anything, because children don't have full knowledge of the context of their decision. They are not cognisant of the whole range of risks.

I also don't care if you say your FB/Insta/Twitter is private. Social networking sites are porous. Facebook in particular is never private, and the data you share will never be expunged.

I think it's not your place, and it's not your right.

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 03/05/2018 17:52

The logic then surely requires that our society must not display any pictures of any babies or children below age of 10 (or whatever), not in the papers, not in adverts, not on the telly. Nobody must ever be interviewed on the news or have their picture snapped by a local paper whilst pushing their baby in a pram or their toddler on a swing. And instructional books on biology or childcare must be illustrated with drawings only.

No, not at all. This is like saying because it would be wrong to feed your child nothing but McDonalds Supersize Meals for breakfast lunch and dinner, then it's also wrong to give them a Happy Meal once a year as a treat.

carefreeeee · 03/05/2018 17:54

Be as private as you wish, but who are you to dictate how others manage their social media?

The point is that the children who are subjected to this intrusive sharing aren't getting any choice. IMO their parents shouldn't post anything publicly until the child is old enough to give their consent. I wouldn't presume to dictate to another adult what they should put on about themselves.

Flutist · 03/05/2018 17:56

I post photos of my DC on Facebook about 3-4 times a week. People document their lives on Facebook - where they went, what they did, who with - and my DC are too big a part of my life to be excluded from my online presence. It's also useful to be able to post a photo and have it seen by numerous family members in different places, without having to pay for printing or send numerous emails.

I am sensible - my Facebook privacy is as tight as possible, only my friends can see my photos, I don't post them publicly on Instagram etc. And the photos are all nice and respectful - no nudity or anything embarrassing. When newspapers cover tragedies and post photos from Facebook, the only reason they can do that is because people have stupidly posted their photos as public.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 03/05/2018 18:03

So Georges, Charlotte and Louis will be able to sue their parents for sharing under-age photos and details oh so publicly? Charlotte might not approve of one of her tantrums being shown all over the world.

Thefirsttulip · 03/05/2018 18:04

Yep, the majority of the time it's parents wanting to show off because 99% of the time no one, apart from granny and the odd aunt, cares what your kids are up to and it's another thing to scroll past.

cjferg · 03/05/2018 18:15

The suing thing is a bit OTT but I agree in principle.

Ever since I got pregnant I thought along the lines of 'if when my kid is old enough they want to post their baby photos online that's fine but they should be able to make that choice like I was'

DeadGood · 03/05/2018 18:22

I’m amazed at the replies on the first page, and can’t be bothered to wade through the rest. YANBU OP.

Lethaldrizzle · 03/05/2018 18:23

So that means no-one should post pics of anyone without consent or just kids? I can't really see the difference.

pinkhorse · 03/05/2018 18:26

I ever post photos of ds on my Facebook. Would have hated all my childhood photos being online for everyone to see!

pinkhorse · 03/05/2018 18:26

*never

KingHenrysCodpiece · 03/05/2018 18:31

So Georges, Charlotte and Louis will be able to sue their parents for sharing under-age photos and details oh so publicly? Charlotte might not approve of one of her tantrums being shown all over the world

I would definitely argue that the royal children are not protected enough. It's an uncomfortable thought, but it must be assumed that if there are images being stolen of children for nefarious purposes, then those with fetishes for the famous might also misuse such images for things we don't want to think about. Not sure what can be done about it, but putting images of the extremely young royal children on tons of tacky memorabilia is a bit off in this day and age.

They may not be able to do anything about it, but I'm sure they'll resent their lack of privacy as they get older, even if they do accept it as the price of royal life.

SandyY2K · 03/05/2018 18:38

I post photos of my children on FB. My settings are private to my friends only and no way would I post a pic that wasn't nice or unflattering.

When DD turned 18, I posted some of her baby pics ..through to toddler and beyond.

It's natural to share these things.

ItLooksABitOff · 03/05/2018 18:44

I don't know about suing but YANBU to bring up the issue OP. I'm going to be very, very interested in what this current generation, who have grown up on SM, with no control over what's posted, have to say when they reach adulthood.

We don't know the repercussions yet. There may be none, but with what's coming out about how unreliable FB is with private data (for starters) who knows.

Even with privacy lockdowns it's not really private. It's very easy to save pics off SM and share them.

DN4GeekinDerby · 03/05/2018 18:51

Really, seeing as most who survive a childhood of abuse have pretty much no way to sue or otherwise get any form of legal justice from their parents or others who knew and helped perpetuate that violence and neglect, I find the idea of thinking people should or even can over most photos and stuff posted online is ridiculous.

I was recently trying to find wrestling photos of myself online. I found that the local papers and yearbooks are digitizing old versions but they haven't gotten to the years I want yet and the school's sports and alumni galleries don't go back that far. I actually got a bit upset because I was thinking how most people who had been in a sport they loved in high school could ask their parents and I can't. Yes, I do cringe at that thought of the papers with the beauty pageants I was in as a tiny child being digitized as well - some of those outfits were very inappropriate for such small kids - but as someone who has only been able to keep a few scraps of my past, I'd give quite a lot and quite merrily let everyone else in the universe see how ridiculous teen me looked in wrestling gear and how often I got my ass handed to me if it meant I could have those photos for myself and to show my kids. To see people write about child me the way I see most people who post photos of their kids write about theirs, with so much pride and care and happiness even in the face of frustration, that would be amazing to me. I know I'm coming from this from quite a different point of view and I'm actually really wary of posting my kids photos or information online, but I don't think it is automatically a bad thing. I can easily imagine future adults wishing for proof of their path, proof that they mattered to someone then, just as I do now, and some might find relief in the internet's memory.

Lethaldrizzle · 03/05/2018 19:00

I would be happy and intrigued to see what my parent's would have posted online had it been available to them.

Sleepyblueocean · 03/05/2018 19:09

I can guarantee you mine will never care and putting photos on Facebook is only a minor decision to make compared to many of those I will be making for him for the rest of my life.

SemperIdem · 03/05/2018 19:52

KingHenry

The only photographs of the young Royals are officials ones. I’ve never seen a single ‘casual’ pap shot of them. Perhaps it is different in other countries but the UK press don’t release photo’s of them in the local park etc

I read somewhere that their highly styled, formal dress in the photo’s we do see is done deliberately, so they’re not so recognisable when in normal clothes.

op

I agree that some people need to be more thoughtful of what they share online regarding their children. But talk of suing sounds like to 21st century version of ‘photographs steal your soul’. It is only in fairly recent history that photographs have existed, never mind become a social norm. Hence post-mortem photographs in the early part of the 20th century, the only image that would ever exist of the person.

Claire90ftm · 03/05/2018 20:14

Lol, are you being serious right now? 😆

Ingredients · 03/05/2018 20:57

Ikeepaforkin that's a difficult issue, isn't it? ( digitalising old photos) I don't know how common this is, but I would not be impressed if my old school photos taken pre-internet were put on the internet. I didn't/couldn't have consented, whereas if a school photo is taken now you can opt out of having it put on the internet (unless someone else puts it on there!)
I just don't think anyone should put other people's photos on the internet without their consent.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/05/2018 21:06

I think you're being a little extreme OP, but I must admit I have wound right down what I post on social media. Not just my DC (which I didn't post a lot of).

What I can't get my head around are the mummy bloggers, who plaster their kids all over their sites and beyond.

Some of the especially twee ones will be BEYOND embarrassing for the kids when their peers get their hands on them in teenage years.

I honestly can't understand what some of those women are thinking. I mean, yeah, money and free stuff - but is it worth the utter mortification for your kid in years to come?

brassbrass · 03/05/2018 21:13

The worst spammers on my feed are teachers. Go figure. Their own children thank goodness but makes you wonder if they understand breaches of privacy in a school setting.

justanotheruser18 · 03/05/2018 21:41

I know a couple who have avoided posting face pics of their DC since she/he was born because of their concern for the child's privacy.

Jessikita · 03/05/2018 21:48

If you go down this route with photos and privacy, you open the can of worms.

I feel I can sue my Mum for inflicting pain and mutiliating my body by having my ears pierced at 6 weeks old.

And I was smacked as a child, can I now sue her for emotional damage from assault and my pain and suffering?

And what about emotional damage for your parents arguing or splitting up?

m0therofdragons · 03/05/2018 21:57

I ask dc if I can post pictures on FB to share with family. I was in the local paper loads as a dc so I don't see it as much different. Love the memories it comes up with like an online diary. What's the point of photo albums that collect dust on the bookshelf? Surely the point of photos is to share them Confused

Lethaldrizzle · 03/05/2018 22:04

Absolutely mother of dragons

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