Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope that all parents who put photos of their children on FB/Insta/Twitter end up getting sued . . .

436 replies

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 14:14

. . . by their grown-up children for breach of privacy.

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

My family member has posted, on her public Instagram feed, her son's full name, date of birth, and every waking moment. Now that information will be out there for anyone to consume. At best, this could erode the boy's sense of self-esteem, security, and privacy. At worst, the data can be used to commit identity fraud or give a stranger the information they need to socially engineer access to him.

And I don't care if you say that you get consent before you post anything, because children don't have full knowledge of the context of their decision. They are not cognisant of the whole range of risks.

I also don't care if you say your FB/Insta/Twitter is private. Social networking sites are porous. Facebook in particular is never private, and the data you share will never be expunged.

I think it's not your place, and it's not your right.

OP posts:
reiki73 · 05/05/2018 13:35

ThefirstMrsDV: Thankyou for your wise words.
GreenTulip: you haven't given a single counter argument to back up your statement. It's just 3 bitchy words. Do you feel better for putting out a bitchy comment without qualifying it?

TT10677 · 05/05/2018 14:33

Ironmansbutt - ok let me rephrase for the nitpicky out there. Obviously you still own the photos but you give Facebook a licence to use them and other applications tied into Facebook. And freedom for anyone else out there to use them who takes a screen shot or a photo of the screen etc etc. There are other means Legally or not. No lecture, my opinion, but reasonable to assume I know nothing since you know nothing about me.

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 14:47

actually its reasonable to assume you know nothing about it when your own words show that.

You severely overestimate how much anyone, inc FB, is interested in your kids photos.
Of course someone could take a photo of the screen with my kids pic showing on it, but the only people on my small friends list could just actually take a photo of said child in real life instead if they wanted, so why would they? And what would it matter if they did?

Long before FB, my photo, like many other kids, was in the local paper and parish magazine many times. School awards, local fetes, club days, parish events. Photos of kids, with their names and schools shown, as well as the area they lived in! Much more info and available to many many more people than my kids occasionally photo on my .private FB page.
I don't remember anyone shreiking about what a terrible invasion of privacy that was, or how dangerous? Probably because it wasn't.

TT10677 · 05/05/2018 15:29

Hmm I dont think they did but that is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

I didn’t say anyone was interested but I suppose that depends on who you are and what people’s motives are. I don’t think the newspaper would have printed my friends half naked child with chicken pox but people put it on Facebook, or what someone has had for dinner, or what a friend from school that I haven’t seen in 10 years is doing this weekend.

It matters because I and many others CHOOSE not to give anyone the opportunity to have our information and choose privacy and that is the discussion. The point is people could use any posted information if they wanted to in multiple ways. Say I’m not on Facebook, that doesn’t stop me taking a screen grab and sending a picture to anyone I want to or posting it somewhere else and saying it’s mine. Or my friends showing me information about someone I don’t even know. Much more information is accessible now. Some people choose to put it out there and others don’t. I don’t choose for my children. They can do that for themselves and deal with any consequences of that choice. No one has to be an expert to understand the simplicity of that.

GreenTulips · 05/05/2018 15:41

GreenTulip: you haven't given a single counter argument to back up your statement

Look up the fat shamed toddler
Go and ask the 14 year old who's bf shared a top less photo of her
Ask the bullied child who's parents (continue) to share his photos - because they are adults and they are proud of him - they don't have any respect for his privacy
This stuff doesn't go away

The newspapers get recycled
Forgotten

SM is permanent and there's no escape unless you chose not to engage

reiki73 · 05/05/2018 16:47

GreenTulip
First of all, your first post was 3 words only and it was only your subsequent ones that had extra info in.
Secondly the things you talk about are things that would never happen with my daughter. Fat shaming would never happen with me ever. The most important thing about sharing photos of your children on social media is discernment and common sense. What I can't stand is posts from people saying that they've had to take their child to hospital for something and then you see the child's photo, and I know someone who's done that.

Xenia · 05/05/2018 19:15

Parents have a right to choose (within reason) as long as it their copyright in the photo, but as I posted above at the end of May there is a new right . The UK in thedraft data protection bill is choosin age 13 for the age for consent by children - it could have gone as old as 16. 13 is consistent with US law too and in my view the age when children can be make sensible decisions.

i am happy that parents can make active choices and we can all be very different. I don't post on facebook but I do use MN. We all take a choice and I want to live in a UK where you can ban TV and the internet from your home or have the TV on all the time, censor children right left and centre or give them access to anything, walk naked around the house or never let your child even see your elbow.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/05/2018 19:25

I only put up cute pictures of my children. Then again I do have pictures up of my little warrior and all her battle scars, you know, in case those were the only photos I ever had at that age and people following her journey and giving support. Loads of tubes as well, I hope she isn’t embarrassed by how proud I am of her strength and how amazing she is and sued me. Fuck, them same pictures are also in a few newspapers to help raise awareness. I’d better warn them they may be sued in the future. My Facebook is private so only them in the profile picture can be seen and as far as I am aware the limited people I am friends with have no reason to steal their identity... I couldn’t imagine why that would happen. Surely someone could steal mine as Facebook has my birthday info on and updated pictures of myself. You sound nuts op.

Xenia · 05/05/2018 19:28

I think this issue is about tolerance of different views. I don't put up photos or use facebook and I am not nuts and nor do I think someone nuts who puts up pictures on facebook. They are just different. People differ. It was the same in the 1500s. There would be the village gossip who told everyone everything and then someone you might see regularly but not know a thing about.

In general I like a lot of rights given to parents and very few given to the state to decide what we do with our children so I like parents to have the final say and then children once they are teenagers can get stuff taken down at that point.

Do remember though not to use images that are copyright of a photographer or someone else as that is illegal.

DharmaInitiativeLady · 05/05/2018 19:29

I whole heartedly agree with you, OP.

Original poster
Harumphy · 05/05/2018 20:15

I like parents to have the final say and then children once they are teenagers can get stuff taken down at that point

That is the point. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to take things down once they're ouy there and distributed.

OP posts:
pointythings · 05/05/2018 20:33

I always ask my DDs' permission before I post any photos of them on FB, and they get to pick which ones go on and which ones do not. But I do think you are being a bit of a drama llama about this, OP.

GreenTulips · 05/05/2018 21:03

GreenTulip
First of all, your first post was 3 words only and it was only your subsequent ones that had extra info in.
Secondly the things you talk about are things that would never happen with my daughter

I suggest you read my post 19:18 yesterday

DD friend was in the 'video'
DD and others had had their photos cropped
The police and SS have been involved

It would never happen to your daughter? I would've said the same and I never post photos on line ever

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 21:05

It matters because I and many others CHOOSE not to give anyone the opportunity to have our information and choose privacy and that is the discussion

Then you choose that and mind your own business about what other people choose. It's not difficult. If you are so into privacy, keep your nose out of other peoples.

niccyb · 05/05/2018 21:30

Wow. Someone has issues! Don’t post then. It’s up to you what you do and none of your business if others want to post pictures.

GreenTulips · 05/05/2018 21:49

It’s up to you what you do

Actually it's up to parents to be responsible and protect their children from potential danger/upset/hurt.

You have not idea what that is until you have to face it.

TT10677 · 05/05/2018 21:55

And we’ve had to stoop to insults. Hmm

reiki73 · 05/05/2018 22:38

GreenTulip
I absolutely agree. Parents need to be responsible and mindful when posting pictures of their children on Facebook, and protective of them. Your point about not know how something will affect you until it happens is entirely valid.

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 22:38

You have not idea what that is until you have to face it

What does that even mean?

Xenia · 05/05/2018 23:03

I favour parents making the choice, informed choice and obviously children themselves as they grow older - that means for your child, not anyone else's children.

And yes I realise how hard it is to get things taken down. People pay me to get stuff taken down and even I who supposedly know how to do it a bit better than some find it very hard if not impossible but so are there risks if you walk down a street - someone might see you or take your picture or 300 years ago sketch you. Life comes with risks and parents thankfully still have choice in the UK as to what risks they take rather than being forced into one single view of what is okay.

BigPinkBall · 05/05/2018 23:18

So I have family who live in other countries and other time zones, social media is a handy way to share photos and videos but I do think about it before I post.

I always consider whether the photo could be potentially embarrassing for dd when she’s older, consequentially I only post pictures where she is fully clothed, clean and happy.

I hate it when people post pictures of their kids in the bath or having a tantrum, if I wouldn’t share a picture of myself like that then I don’t share dds photo either.

Kitty6 · 06/05/2018 01:34

Surely it is only a problem if kids are naked in the photos? My Mum sent a photo of me and my brother in the bath to lots of her friends in Christmas cards back in the 80's -- I think that was naïve. Where did they end up? We know more than ever that more people than we'd like to think are paedophiles. If we complain and see a problem with everything, it is extremely exhausting so I do think the OP is unreasonable...it is an extreme view to say question all photos of children on social media - a few well chosen photos are fine. Chill OP, it's going to be a lovely sunny day tomoz

KingHenrysCodpiece · 06/05/2018 07:53

but so are there risks if you walk down a street - someone might see you or take your picture or 300 years ago sketch you

The chances of such a thing happening is much rarer than a person actively choosing to post hundreds of photos over a decade or so on an information sharing website, which is then possibly shared by 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on parties.

I think part of the problem lies in the fact that people tend to have more suspicion about big government, but many people still see these huge media sharing and IT based companies as benign, which the Cambridge Analytica scandal is at least the first major heads up that they're anything but.

Xenia · 06/05/2018 08:26

Luckily we are still free enough to take different views. In fact large media companise are a useful foil to big brother state and sometimes their morality as it were is better and at least a balance to the power of the state. Most people I know have always known the deal with facebook etc -they take an active choice to have a totally free of charge incredibly useful service and they have known for 15 years the downside is your data gets shipped all over the place. Some take that risk and others don't (I don't use facebook).

However thread liks this are useful so people do consider the issues and take an informed choice and people are right to say it is very hard to get things removed once they are up there.

MadameGrizzly · 06/05/2018 08:31

I think posting photos of children online is problematic, but what's even more problematic is all the identifying information that accompanies the photos.

Identity theft is going is be a MASSIVE problem in the future. People secure their incoming mail so that their identity can't be stolen, but then put their children's full name and DOB into the public domain online.

Swipe left for the next trending thread