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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope that all parents who put photos of their children on FB/Insta/Twitter end up getting sued . . .

436 replies

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 14:14

. . . by their grown-up children for breach of privacy.

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

My family member has posted, on her public Instagram feed, her son's full name, date of birth, and every waking moment. Now that information will be out there for anyone to consume. At best, this could erode the boy's sense of self-esteem, security, and privacy. At worst, the data can be used to commit identity fraud or give a stranger the information they need to socially engineer access to him.

And I don't care if you say that you get consent before you post anything, because children don't have full knowledge of the context of their decision. They are not cognisant of the whole range of risks.

I also don't care if you say your FB/Insta/Twitter is private. Social networking sites are porous. Facebook in particular is never private, and the data you share will never be expunged.

I think it's not your place, and it's not your right.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 05/05/2018 00:27

Yesterday 23:26 reiki73

I share photos of my daughter because I'm bloody proud of her and want to show her off. I don't put every photo on that I take, and I always agree with hubby beforehand that I'm going to post it. I had a long difficult journey to parenthood, so naturally I want to celebrate my daughter. I have my views about what's private as well, and hubby and I decide that as well

All about you

Badcat666 · 05/05/2018 00:38

OH and before anyone says "it was all about my mum" concerning taking photos of her kids and family members, it's not. My brother copied some of the albums over to a family facebook page so we could all look at them and my god, the memories that came flooding back just from looking at the pics. Christmas... silly moments.. sitting on the beach in the pouring rain... long dead much loved family pets... happy happy memories that we had forgotten about. Blooming priceless.

EdwardTheBlueEngine · 05/05/2018 01:27

I agree with OP but for not because of privacy. Visit any family attraction and you will see people constantly taking pictures, their poor kids being made to pose again and again for the perfect shot to upload to social media. Their parents barely look at the sights except scanning for photo opportunities, trying to catch their kids in the perfect pose. Debord’s “society of the spectacle” is coming to fruition and by participating we are teaching our kids that life is all about “appearing” rather than “being”.

Bashun · 05/05/2018 03:10

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Abbylee · 05/05/2018 04:21

More than parents, i worry about gf or bf. Our dd had an abusive bf who took photos of her and tagged her on social media. I was horrified one evening when I innocently opened a social media account and found a photo of her that her friends would not mind but parents were furious.

I am in the minority, but I hate social media when it shares photos of people, children, babies, etc. I read recently that many of the dc who are in perverted web sites are taken from parent's social media account.

Emails share without giving access to the world. Being proud of dc should be private? We are all proud, but if my dc are posted, they are unrecognizable. My cats and dogs are ok to post though.Smile

BackInTime · 05/05/2018 06:36

Obviously your entitled to an opinion but I just don’t see how as the adult you let your children dictate your life. My kids have some say in decisions but ultimatley I have final say.

This is not about letting children dictate your life this is about respect. Why risk causing your DC embarrassment because you have a need to share stuff about them online? Is it really that important?

TheFirstMrsDV · 05/05/2018 07:28

All about you
Green
That is just being nasty for the sake of it.
If you want to convince people you are right try and come up with a cogent argument, not bitchiness.

noeffingidea · 05/05/2018 07:38

Bashun you're talking shit now. While children may not have a legal right to 'dictate' what their parents post on their own facebook accounts, many (or most) parents respect their children's wishes when it comes to things like this, at least once they're old enough to express it. The other examples you cited are really for their own good, aren't they? Posting photos of your children on SM when they've asked you not to doesn't benefit them in any way.

TT10677 · 05/05/2018 09:09

No you are certainly not being unreasonable. People are incredibly naive about what they post regarding their kids and only time will tell.

You are already getting lots of patronising messages as I am sure you expected. I hope that doesn’t come and bite people in the arse.

We air on the when they are old enough they can decide philosophy but I think people are only just starting to come round to that thinking.

I would have thought recent activities regarding Facebook would have make people wake up a bit. Once you post, those photos aren’t yours anymore. Facebook can use them however they want. But carry on people. I just won’t be joining you to make Mr Zuckerberg richer.

TT10677 · 05/05/2018 09:13

*made!

troodiedoo · 05/05/2018 09:13

I agree with you OP. Can't see it stopping anytime soon though.

Thefirsttulip · 05/05/2018 09:43

I've got to the point now where I quite like that no one on Facebook knows what I'm up to apart from the odd thing here and there.

Years ago I used to post quite a bit, including what I had been doing with the kids etc.

Now I think wow I'm enjoying this moment and no one knows or will ever know it happened except us unless we want to tell them. It's liberating!

I have found people ask more now what I've been up to where as before they already knew.

My friend said to me it's really funny because I will see someone in the street and might say hi or not yet I know from fb that person has just been on holiday, what her kids are up to and what she had for tea last night!

It's a bizarre thing social media and I have a feeling that once people have got their inner "celebrity" out of their system showing off themselves and their kids, people will become more private. I know there will always be show offs "look at meeeee" types but I've already noticed a massive decrease in people sharing and wanting to be more private.

My kids are pre teen and don't hold any curiosity or interest in Facebook. I think their generation won't use social media in the same way.

Original poster
Harumphy · 05/05/2018 10:21

I'm not sure I understand the logic of posters who are saying my point means I think no one should be proud of their children, and should never take photos of them.

That is not what I said at all. Not remotely.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/05/2018 10:43

They're saying it, Harumphy because they're feeling pricked by posters who are referring to consent and the rights of children not to have their photos put online without that consent. There are many of us and just because we do live in a 'show off' society, that shouldn't extend to parading children.

'Digital footprint' is absolutely right. Each person has one and they should have a right to privacy over it, not a decision for a parent to make. I think that's one thing that's going to change with incoming legislation - as xenia referred to previously - and that's a good thing.

People bang on about 'child autonomy' but, they mean for other people to respect it. They, of course, are exempt and can do what they want with their possessions children. It's sickening and legislation can't come in soon enough. It shouldn't bloody be needed but it is.

lljkk · 05/05/2018 10:46

You actually HOPE that the parents are sued? Not just you think the kids have the right to sue, but you WANT the kids to hate their parents that much? You're wishing that much rancor into existence. For that alone YABVVVVVU.

Original poster
Harumphy · 05/05/2018 10:51

Well obviously I was being flippant to make a point. Many posters seem to have a very literal interpretation of the world.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/05/2018 10:53

lljkk You (general) can't make children sue their parents and you can't make children hate their parents or resent them. Parents who do not respect their children's rights to privacy risk that. Many - as seen on this thread - will not care as their rights over their children trump everything in their minds.

The only blame, if you want to fling that at anybody, will be at the parents themselves.

KingHenrysCodpiece · 05/05/2018 10:54

What is the new legislation, and what will it so?

Dandellion · 05/05/2018 11:01

Like virtually all teens my children already have a vast digital footprint over endless social platforms which is entirely of their own creation. Through their sporting and school achievements they have appeared in local media many times.

So my posting a photo of them in their prom dress on my IG is utterly neither here nor there.

GreenTulips · 05/05/2018 11:04

If you want to convince people you are right try and come up with a cogent argument, not bitchiness.

  1. kids normalising SM to the point nobody has privacy - see my post on the teens spread in minuets of being taken (it was a sex act)
  2. people doctoring photos to be rude and controlling
  3. Child 13 has odd parents who post everything and will not stop even though the poor child is relentlessly bullied (matching PJs? Cute with cousins? All a good source of entertainment for the bullies)
  4. Videos shared you have no control of - or you think you do

Why would you do that to your kids? Just why? Stop thinking the world is lovely and inoccent - it isn't

Goldilocks3Bears · 05/05/2018 12:20

The level of misconceptions about privacy and social media digital footprints in here are astonishing but not surprising. I bet at least some of the people in here who are saying NO have themselves clicked on funny links to find out what kind of cheese they would be or some other shitty funny thing and merrily shared their own email and contact list with that app. Ignorance is bliss.

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 12:23

Once you post, those photos aren’t yours anymore

except they are.

I really wish people lecturing others about privacy etc actually knew the first thing about it.

GreenTulips · 05/05/2018 12:40

You post
Someone reposts or shares - now in the hands of 200 people
They share
And so it goes on

They may still be your legally but you have no control over who's seen them and what's they do with them

mackerella · 05/05/2018 13:02

In fact when she was dying in the hospice my brother was able to show her pics on facebook of her grandkids so she could see their little faces one more time before she died as they were too young to be bought to see her.

I'm glad your DM got so much joy from seeing photos of her grandchildren, Badcat Smile

But how would you have felt if your DB had taken lots of photos of her dying in the hospice and put them on FB without her consent? Or of you having a panic attack? Or is it just children where we think it's ok to make this decision on their behalf?

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 13:04

You post Someone reposts or shares - now in the hands of 200 people They share And so it goes on

No, not if your settings don't allow your pics to be reposted or shared. Plus I hate to break it to you, but no-one else is that enamoured of your kid that 200 people are all sharing his cute picture Hmm