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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope that all parents who put photos of their children on FB/Insta/Twitter end up getting sued . . .

436 replies

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 14:14

. . . by their grown-up children for breach of privacy.

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

My family member has posted, on her public Instagram feed, her son's full name, date of birth, and every waking moment. Now that information will be out there for anyone to consume. At best, this could erode the boy's sense of self-esteem, security, and privacy. At worst, the data can be used to commit identity fraud or give a stranger the information they need to socially engineer access to him.

And I don't care if you say that you get consent before you post anything, because children don't have full knowledge of the context of their decision. They are not cognisant of the whole range of risks.

I also don't care if you say your FB/Insta/Twitter is private. Social networking sites are porous. Facebook in particular is never private, and the data you share will never be expunged.

I think it's not your place, and it's not your right.

OP posts:
coffeeX10 · 04/05/2018 19:39

@patypluspie yes but that’s her SM, employers do this to make sure there’s no racism or drug taking etc on their SM. Not looking at her mothers SM to see pics of her in a Halloween costume aged 5 as referenced up tread which would have no impact on employment opportunities.

catattack123 · 04/05/2018 19:42

Someone needs to get laid...

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/05/2018 19:48

mundoespanol
Employers do not search the private fb pages of candidates parents.
Even if they did they certainly wouldn't download and share pictures of a child with the rest of the staff.

So that post still makes no sense

GreenTulips · 04/05/2018 19:53

When was the last time you looked at your own profile?

The things you get taggged in say a lot about you

FermatsTheorem · 04/05/2018 19:57

Okay, you've been a bit OTT about how you've raised the issue, OP, but I think you're right that there is an issue. I've always been wary of facebook (partly 'cos I'm an old gimmer and don't like living my life in public), but I've also been very private about DS since he was a baby. I share photos privately with friends and family via email, not on a public platform. And there are things I just don't photograph - no naked photos in the bath, for instance.

Interestingly, though I've never explicitly discussed it with DS, he seems to have somehow come to similar conclusions himself. I was very amused to find him ranting at the TV one day at a trailer advertising the "secret life of toddlers". His argument was absolutely one of consent - the parents had consented, but the children hadn't. He was 8 at the time!

He doesn't have any problem with public events - was chuffed to see his photo in the paper in their school nativity spread, happy to see his photo in the rugby club programme. But like me he draws a distinction between public and private stuff, which I respect.

LilQueenie · 04/05/2018 20:08

The things you get taggged in say a lot about you

not always sometimes it says a lot about your 'friends' or hacker.

Mummadeeze · 04/05/2018 20:11

I love seeing my distant friends’ children grow up via Facebook and I can’t see a problem with posting photos of my daughter on Facebook having fun on holiday or enjoying Christmas so that my friends and family can feel connected to us when they aren’t there. I genuinely don’t get your point at all.

cheval · 04/05/2018 20:13

I agree with the poster. In early days of my life on f/b, I put on pix of my then 12 year old. They said please don’t, so I took them down. Notice some celebs shoot pix of kids with face obscured, which seems a compromise,
.

PercyPigAddict · 04/05/2018 20:36

YA definitely NBU, OP! So many wilfully stupid posters replying today.

How is posting the odd cute picture of your child in their new outfit/playing on their new swing any less acceptable than a random seeing them in the park/walking through town?

Because the internet is forever?

Be as private as you wish, but who are you to dictate how others manage their social media?

Who are you to decide what kind of presence your children have on social media, when they're too young to have a concept of what social media is?

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

As it should be, they're children.

Until they're old enough to express an opinion they don't get a say I'm afraid!

Fucking hell. There are no words.

You can definitely spot the posters who have been facebooking all their kids' precious moments Hmm Defensive much?

Its all very well saying it's nice to show off your lovely kids but why don't people understand that it's NOT UP TO THEM whether their kids are featured on the internet? It's your child's right as a human being to choose their own level of privacy, not yours.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/05/2018 21:35

SweetFanniAdams, you sound deeply unpleasant yourself.

Dandylion et al... Why so defensive? This whole site is full of women (mostly) who never keep their cherries out of anybody else's business. Yet this bothers you. Obviously because you have a different opinion. Nobody has said that you have to have the same opinion but your dismissiveness and taking things so personally is a bit pathetic. Actually, very pathetic.

I couldn't care less what photos you post of your children. It's only their opinion that matters.

I completely agree with PercyPigAddict, there really aren't any words to describe some of the possessive and proprietorial attitudes on here. That last bold quote, Urgh.

Bashun · 04/05/2018 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bashun · 04/05/2018 22:51

WHY on Earth would you allow a 13 or 14 yo that you are feeding, clothing and sheltering dictate to you the parent what they will ALLOW you to post or not post? WTF are they? Sounds like an imbalance of power to me. They are minor children and should do WTF they are told to do.

Windthebobbinup1982 · 04/05/2018 22:55

YABU

The OPs hysterical opinion is the modern day equivalent of those tribes who thought a camera would steal their soul. There are some truly angst ridden people on MN. I bet those anxious about this are also anxious about all sorts of other crap and go around in state of high alert. Relax a bit.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/05/2018 22:55

A 'childless whack job'? What a horrible thing to say. Just because you have a different opinion, it has to be bolstered with an insult. Says a lot about you, Bashun

Bubba1234 · 04/05/2018 22:55

I agree I don’t think it’s right to put photos of kids on the net

LovingLola · 04/05/2018 22:58

I agree I don’t think it’s right to put photos of kids on the net

100% with you on that one.
There is not one picture of my children on any social media page. Their digital footprint is their perogative, not mine.

KingHenrysCodpiece · 04/05/2018 23:13

The only hysteria on this thread is coming from the ultra defensive posters. So far the OP has been told to fuck off, called a 'childless whack job' told to go and 'get laid' and various other colourful expressions.Hmm

LuluMarie · 04/05/2018 23:16

Bashun thinks it is acceptable to use the phrase “childless whackjob” to attack women.

I’m interested to know if I can respond to this cruel mistruth with a real truth. Anyone who can even think to make comments like that is a horrible c* who should not be allowed near children with this toxic cruel prejudice.

Shame on you.

reiki73 · 04/05/2018 23:26

I share photos of my daughter because I'm bloody proud of her and want to show her off. I don't put every photo on that I take, and I always agree with hubby beforehand that I'm going to post it. I had a long difficult journey to parenthood, so naturally I want to celebrate my daughter. I have my views about what's private as well, and hubby and I decide that as well.

LovingLola · 04/05/2018 23:30

I'm proud of my children too. However I don't feel the need to show them off by posting pictures of them. I don't need that validation. Thankfully.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 04/05/2018 23:46

I don’t post every picture of my children, maybe one or two a month. At the moment they are young enough to not really care but both pose for pictures. I know every single person on my Facebook and will never add anyone I don’t know. Not to mention my fb is set to private so no one other than friends can view anything other than profile picture and name.
If my kids don’t want me to post anything when they are older then I won’t but I really don’t see what the big issue is. I like how relatives who live in another country can see how my kids are growing as they can’t get to see them very much.
Obviously your entitled to an opinion but I just don’t see how as the adult you let your children dictate your life. My kids have some say in decisions but ultimatley I have final say.

DeadButDelicious · 04/05/2018 23:58

I also had a long road to parenthood, over a decade of my life. I am ridiculously proud of my daughter and her achievements. I have hours of video, countless photos. I will talk the ear off anyone silly enough to ask about her but as a PP so succinctly put it, her digital footprint is hers, not mine and I feel it is something she should decide and shape for herself, when the time is right.

I'm not angst ridden or anxious about it and it's not about letting the kid control my life it's about recognising her as an individual, who will grow into a young woman with her own rights and opinions and I don't get to override those (whatever they may be) simply because I am her mother or she's currently too little to understand what Facebook is.

Windthebobbinup1982 · 05/05/2018 00:14

Surely just taking photos is similar. They have no choice in that, and unless you keep all these photos in albums locked within the house (never giving any to relatives. Never letting anyone take a photo of them at a family event etc) they’ll be photos of them in circulation they can do nothing about. And even if you do keep them for your own benefit, the child still won’t have consented to you doing that.

If it’s a matter of principle not to allow images of your children to be available online on the basis of their lack of ability to consent at the time and inability to fully expunge these photos from existence in the future, surely this also applies to photos in general (although I accept being online means the image permeates more widely), and you should stop taking photos entirely!

Badcat666 · 05/05/2018 00:17

Unless I'm being a complete brain dead bellend, I thought you could set your facebook account so only friends and family could see what you posted? I know only my friends on facebook can see what I post and anyone else outside my circle can't.

My mum had tons and tons of photo albums of my siblings and I growing up. These photos were shown to family members and friends when they came over. and shock horror that included us topless! and sometimes in the bath with bubble hats on our heads from the overuse of Matey bubble bath. OH THE HUMANITY!!!!! As we got older my mum had videos of us in school plays singing and acting which she would proudly show ppl when they came over as well.

So did having my photo in a photo album that friends and family members could see cause me trauma because I wasn't consulted when she stuck them in the albums?? No it bloody well didn't.

In fact when she was dying in the hospice my brother was able to show her pics on facebook of her grandkids so she could see their little faces one more time before she died as they were too young to be bought to see her.

I live miles away from my family and have serious anxiety and bowel issues so traveling long distances is a nightmare so seeing my nieces and nephews and their kiddies on facebook keeps me feeling connected to them and I can watch them grow.

Get a bloody grip OP.

(watch out, PETA will be after you for posting pics of your cat.)

Windthebobbinup1982 · 05/05/2018 00:24

If someone is going to sue their parents over some FB photos, you can guarantee there are FAR bigger issues in their relationship than that.