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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed they’ve done this

105 replies

MrsHoodwink · 03/05/2018 12:47

NC so I’m not recognised

Found out today my cousin is going to name their DC (due this year) the same name as my DC2

Thing is this it’s an unusual name, think Phoenix/Asher/Teddy so not a James/Connor/Josh

I understand it’s just a name and everyone has the right to call their DC whatever they want but I’m more than a bit miffed as we’re in the same family Hmm

I know I’ll just have to live with it but AIBU to think he should have avoided using it

OP posts:
HildaZelda · 03/05/2018 15:47

YANBU. If it was a common name then fair enough, but the fact that your DS is literally the only one, I wouldn't be happy if it was me.
Should I ever have a girl (highly unlikely) I have a name that I've never told anyone. I've only ever met one person with the name and it hasn't been used in the country for the last 3 years.

msannabella · 03/05/2018 16:02

Oh dear. Ynbu, our youngest has an unusual name, again, only one born in our region in the year. I would be very miffed if someone close had copied it.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 03/05/2018 16:35

Is it Heath? I wouldn't worry, plenty of people have cousins of the same name.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/05/2018 16:38

Yanbu, I’d be pissed off. If you go to the trouble of naming your child a unique name it’s bad form for a close relative to nick it imo.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 03/05/2018 17:06

We know for a fact that DS2 is the only person in the UK to be given his name for 200 years. It's popular in America though.

Jen10M · 03/05/2018 17:13

I only had 2 males cousins and they were both called Robert! Very confusing at times lol

CaptainCabinets · 04/05/2018 00:57

Ahhhh see I don’t know where I sit with this.

My cousin (not close at all) posted his shortlist of names for his DS on Facebook and I’ll admit I was a little bit heartbroken to see that my late DGF’s name was on there (other side of the family so the name had no significance to him) and it’s the first name I’d pick for a DS. However, they went with something else and I was secretly so relieved.

However, if it’d just been a name I liked without any special reason, I would’ve just shrugged it off as having similar taste.

It’s true that nobody has rights to a name but I can see why you’re annoyed, OP, especially as your DS has an unusual name. Just chalk it up to flattery. If you’re really really upset about it, is there a mutual family member who could query why they’ve chosen such an unusual name that’s already been used recently by a family member?

Beeziekn33ze · 04/05/2018 01:09

Just realised that 2 of my cousins gave their DDs the same name and no one has ever commented about it. One is several years older than the other and they don't have the same surname as one cousin is male and the other female using her husband's surname.
name is also our grandmother's middle name and everyone thought it was lovely that the girls were named after her. No problem.

Etoilefilante · 04/05/2018 05:22

Is the name Earnest? Things would make sense if it was GrinFlowers

MyFriendFlickaWasAHorse · 04/05/2018 08:15

Just realised that 2 of my cousins gave their DDs the same name and no one has ever commented about it

Yes, it took a mumsnet thread for me to realise that my brother named his ds the same name as my cousin’s ds. Nobody has ever mentioned it either.

Really hope it’s Earnest!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 04/05/2018 10:40

Etoile 😂

steppemum · 04/05/2018 10:46

YANBU. I know the world of mumsnet thinks that no one owns a name blah blah blah but to obviously use an unusual name already in the family is a bit rubbish of them.

I agree, and I would contact them and make a joke out of it to make a point.

if they go ahead, then obvioulsy all you can do is accept it, and send a birth card saying immitation is the sincerest form of flattery

but at this point I would say - you're not serious? Only one in the county except err, yours too? Would you like me to buy you a name book so you can chose one that we don;t already have in the family?

steppemum · 04/05/2018 10:48

I think it is different if the name is in the family eg named after grandfather, or a common name eg Oliver.

I think it is the unusualness of this and the lack of connection which makes it odd.

steppemum · 04/05/2018 10:54

Oh I love the idea of saying

Phoenix really? Like ours! Oh we will have to call yours nixxy so we can tell them apart smile, smile, tinkly laugh

Dushenka · 04/05/2018 11:02

Historically it has been common in this country for the same few names to be recycled between generations and cousins, even with siblings when one child died young. My own family tree is so full of Henrys that it gets confusing to tell which is which. Try to see it as a compliment.

VikingBlonde · 04/05/2018 12:16

Dushenka Henry is a really common name, running thru many families, OP says her name is really unusual. IMO to take an unusual name your kid is using is NOT a compliment.

Be warned tho, OP I spoke up about this to my SIL and now I am the villain of the family for having even mentioned it because my in laws prefer a herd of elephants in every room rather than any actual adult communication about anything 'difficult' which of course my scandi ways can't comprehend AT ALL Although my DD is also pretty annoyed too and doesn't want to be mixed up with some stoopid baby (her words) so it would have come out sooner or later anyway i just tried to do it tactfully. Best of luck... plus they may change their minds yet anyway!

loopylass13 · 04/05/2018 14:19

I'd be annoyed for sure .....

My child has a very unique name, only 5 in total could I find on a genealogy site for the whole of the united kingdom in the whole of their recorded time. So if a relative copied it, oooooh would be annoyed indeed. I think Pheonix/Hunter/Asher/River quite stylish and trendy (hence rising in popularity) but if something more unique then i'd be aaaah!

Maybe you could ask the reason behind their name choice? That your child is called this and wondered, whether they were inspired by you? Could be that they have different reasons, different spellings planned or even could have totally forgot you named your child this.

Vixnieo · 04/05/2018 20:21

My DS has an unusual name (for my English side of the family) however from my other side of the family (which are Greek) it is very very common. My DS is named Andreas after his 2 Grandparents (on the Greek side). When we go to a Greek gathering there are always at least 4 (or more) Andreas' there. Also my FIL named his DD after his mother.......and so did 2 of his Brothers.....3 DDs who are first cousins with the same name!!!

agentdaisy · 04/05/2018 21:33

It wouldn't bother me, they'll be 2nd cousins, it's not like they're siblings. I have two 2nd cousins with the same name as me, both on my mum's side of the family, and it's never been an issue because no one has made it one.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 04/05/2018 22:02

YANBU. I'd be pissed off. It's just a bit of shitty thing to do tbh. I'd love to know what it is though! Grin

FASH84 · 04/05/2018 22:16

I didn't realise it was like a deliberate competition to try and ensure no one else in your locality had the same name as DC, I stand corrected. When I see some of the more 'unusual' names particularly the Ives that sound like common names but bear no resemblance on paper, i always just thought maybe the parents had some kind of literacy need. Baby Tray-ciii for example...

1sttimemumm · 06/05/2018 08:22

I’d be gutted and super pissed off personally. Yes it’s a bit unreasonable as they have free choice but I’m very defensive of uniqueness it’s rude and embarassing for them. I’d want to confront them now (you can in a jokey way or small dig) otherwise in years time they might turn around and suggest that they told you the name they were going to go for and you stole their name!

Mammalamb · 06/05/2018 20:40

Sorry but unless you are extremely close cousins who see each other all the time then yabu. My cousin has named her daughter the same name as my brothers daughter. They live fairly near each other but it’s not even been mentioned in the family the fact that both girls have the same name. (In fact, I only remembered that they have the same name when I read this)

OreoMini · 06/05/2018 20:49

I think it’s abit stupid to name two kids in the same family the same name. Millions of names in the world yet they pick one you already have.

tillytoodles1 · 06/05/2018 20:56

My brothers were called after two members of my mums family. I have about seven first cousins with the same names as my brothers.

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