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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed they’ve done this

105 replies

MrsHoodwink · 03/05/2018 12:47

NC so I’m not recognised

Found out today my cousin is going to name their DC (due this year) the same name as my DC2

Thing is this it’s an unusual name, think Phoenix/Asher/Teddy so not a James/Connor/Josh

I understand it’s just a name and everyone has the right to call their DC whatever they want but I’m more than a bit miffed as we’re in the same family

I know I’ll just have to live with it but AIBU to think he should have avoided using it

OP posts:

Whatalovelymug · 03/05/2018 13:51

George Foreman’s sons are all George.

TheFirstMrsDV · 03/05/2018 13:51

But families are full of kids and adults with the same names.
They are just usually names like John, Maria and Mohummed.

Names like Phoenix are the new John so its bound to happen more with that type of name.

I genuinely wouldn't care if a relative called their child the same name as one of mine.

There was once a set of 10 siblings up for adoption and they all had the same name. Now that was weird.

RiddleyW · 03/05/2018 13:52

I didn't know there were name stats by county - where do you get them?

I'm interested because my son has an unusual name according to the national stats but I've actually heard of quite a few near me. I think all the [DS name]s live in my borough!

GeekyWombat · 03/05/2018 13:54

When I started seeing DH he told me his brother and SIL had just had a DD they had named an unusual, literary name. By chance this literary heroine was someone I had been obsessed by since I was a (incredibly pretentious) 12-year-old and I had always said if I had children I would name a daughter after this character. At the time, I laughed and jokingly told now-DH that it was a lovely name, but unfortunately we could clearly only be a fling because I couldn't have children with him now. (I know, I'm so smooth, it's testament to what a lovely guy DH is that he didn't run a mile from child-talk on a first date!).

In the end we had our daughter and named her something else. Didn't even use it as a middle name. The world didn't end, and know I know DH's niece the significance of the name is tinged by the little girl it's already attached to if you know what I mean - I still love the name, and I love our niece, but it wouldn't and couldn't have been DD's name.

I feel really sorry for your cousin's son. He's going to grow up being 'the other xxx' and it's just a bit of a shame really. Do you see them often? And do they share a surname?

pigmcpigface · 03/05/2018 13:57

If it's not a family name and there's no sentimental attachment, then I think it's odd of them to choose the same one. I know no-one 'owns' a name, but it does sound bizarre to duplicate within the same family without there being a reason (e.g. family tradition).

WingsOnMyBoots · 03/05/2018 13:59

Think 'what negative impact will this have on my child's life?'

Answer = none.

YABU

Thehop · 03/05/2018 13:59

I’m going to go against the majority and agree with you. I’d be annoyed.

Original poster

MrsHoodwink · 03/05/2018 14:02

I haven’t brought it up with them as I wouldn’t want to spoil how excited they are about their first ever DC, I’ll just seethe quietly to myself

Zero this made me giggle, I wish they’d copied my cats name instead!

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 03/05/2018 14:04

My cousin had the same name as my brother (my brother was older, cousin's mum asked my mum if she minded and she didn't) It was never a problem. If the name is unusual but still a recognized name then I think you have to let it go - not much you can do. if your child's name is a totally made up name unique to your child - like Breyeonaria or Convolumptua* or something then tell your cousin she's bonkers.

*if anyone would like to call their child Breyeonaria or Convolumptua feel free

user1486915549 · 03/05/2018 14:06

How on earth do you know there is only one child with that name in the whole county ?

starsandstuff · 03/05/2018 14:06

That would annoy me too, even if it wasn't mature of me or something - it just would. But everyone who knows you both who has any opinion will think they copied you, so if anything you come out of it looking original and they look a bit odd.

I have a friend who called both DS and DD after her DH - think DH = Paul, DS = Paul, DD = Pauline

Pinga · 03/05/2018 14:09

YANBU. I know the world of mumsnet thinks that no one owns a name blah blah blah but to obviously use an unusual name already in the family is a bit rubbish of them

Ditto that.

amusedbush · 03/05/2018 14:11

Ooh, Convolumptua has a nice ring to it!

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 03/05/2018 14:13

I would not be in the least bit upset - I would be flattered. I would never have chosen a name if I knew someone with the name and didn't like them so I would take it as a compliment to your DC'

kaytee87 · 03/05/2018 14:14

Wouldn't bother me. If a sibling did it then yes weird. A cousin is distant enough.

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 14:16

I agree with you OP it’s a terrible odd thing to do. My D.C. have unusual names, if either of my cousins had used them for their children there would have been multiple eyebrows raised in the family. Although being very polite no one would have said a word.

Why wouldn’t you want your child to be the only little XYZ in the family?

It’s a bit different if it’s a family name and half the men are called John. Picking something very unusual does seem an odd choice.

I don’t think I’d be seething I think I’d be silently baffled.

VikingBlonde · 03/05/2018 14:17

YANBU my SIL has done the same and it's really annoyed me!

Names aren't owned but they are supposed to be a bit special at least when in a family (unless you're calling kids after a grandparent or whatever as a family name) to me it's just really crappy thing to do especially if the name is (or was) unusual. I'm with Sanch & Ariadne here. Get yer own baby name you unoriginal sheep! BAAA!!

Teggun · 03/05/2018 14:19

I might well think it was odd but I can't imagine 'seething'.

It's just occurred to me that my maternal aunt and her first cousin have the same first name and my Dad and his first cousin have the same first name - so that's 2 lots of siblings naming their children the same name. And as often happens in Scotland, my Dad has his mother's maiden name as his middle name, so his first 2 names are the same as his cousin's first and surname. None of this has ever caused any discussion let alone a problem.

Seeing as you have NC so your previous posts are safe from scrutiny if you are identified, I think you should share the name and tell us how you know there is only one other in your county ...

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/05/2018 14:24

It's a bit odd I'll give you that.

TheFishInThePot · 03/05/2018 14:26

My ds has a not very common name, he now has a second cousin about 4 years younger with the same name. I didn't really care, but his Dad was really pissed off when he found out.
If you are annoyed tho that is not U, it's how you feel. If you are close can't you mention that you're a bit disappointed about it? I don't have close family to know whats ok and not, but isn't that something you can do if you're close to someone?

Ginnotginger · 03/05/2018 14:35

On my df's side of the family there are only 3 girls of roughly the same age, mine is the oldest. Her name is the least common usual spelling of a fairly ordinary name and she is called by the usual nickname. My first cousin's dd has the nickname as her full name and my second cousin's dd has the same name as mine with the exact same spelling. Second cousin's dm got a bit shirty with me about my dd nickname's being the same as her dgd's and when I commented that their full names were the same spelling as well she actually sniffed, ffs. I pointed out that my dd was 3 years older than her dgd and that I had always written her full name on my Christmas card to them. Silly mare.

Dd's name is ordinary and I was slightly miffed that my cousin's had used the same name. If I had chosen a highly unusual name and it had been copied I would have been very miffed. I wouldn't have said anything because I know that nobody owns a name and I am polite but OP I agree with you and yanbu.

TheClitterati · 03/05/2018 14:35

I've seen quite a few threads on MN about people doing this kind of thing. OK no one "owns" a name, but come on, this is bloody weird.

Why wouldn't you at least say to them "gee that's a bit odd to choose the same name as LittleHood" and give a head tilt? Perhaps add "To avoid any confusion we can call your LittleHood, Hoodie" accompanied by a

Neverseen · 03/05/2018 14:47

It would really bother me. I purposely chose a name I don't associate with anyone else and it was unique (not weirdly unique but uncommon nowadays) I would never choose a name that was already in my family

MothershipG · 03/05/2018 14:48

@KurriKurri Such a shame I'm post menopausal I would so love to have a Convolumptua! Wonder if I can get my 16 year old to adopt it? What should we abbreviate it to?

KurriKurri · 03/05/2018 14:53

'Lumpy' ?

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